Wine for Thought

I think, therefore I'm thoughtful Antoinette,

 Back to school means it's time for a "Think Piece"... passe journalistic expression... when journalists paid more attention to their byline than their Twitter handle. Well as August winds down to an end, and children scurry off to another year of indoctrination, standardized tests, stiff competition to get the seat next to the smart kid while wearing their Vineyard Vines school uniform of choice we may as well fire up the cerebral cortex and give thought to some important issues. Time to get some learnin' up in here. Forget about the Socratic method, I've developed the Dionysian method (college and above please) because I've discovered there are a lot of people educated beyond their intelligence running around out there... often in head to toe black garb who need the help of the God of wine, fertility, and the arts. Hey, you can wear white until labor day. Dark colors absorb summer heat. Do your parents a favor and get that liberal arts degree in 4 years. And, you'll never score with whichever one of the six, or sixty possible sexes if you don't get the style and sophistication found in a bottle of wine. Now pour yourself an extra large glass of your favorite grape because as I've previously pointed out, wine improves your cognitive abilities... drink wine, know things! Time to put on our thinking caps and Ponder these Points! 1) Do you think the inventor of the internet, apocalyptic environmental movies, and album warning labels (I know, I know it was his wife Tipper, but marriage is a partnership right?) watches G.O.T?  Do you think AG believes it's a propaganda piece by global warming deniers always threatening that winter is coming? Hmm. 2) Do you think those people who are "pro" Illegal immigration mistakenly think it's a refugee program for sick birds of prey? Might want to refill after that. 3) Do you think Hitler invaded Poland because his approval numbers were down and he thought that's where Quinnipiac was?  (I know it's a stretch combining political research institutions with a homonym pun... if you need help see me after class). More wine please. 4) Do you think that the man who said,  "beer is made by man, wine by God"...Martin Luther, had a dream that one day his namesake would be King? 😉 5) Do you think that one of the most spiritual and wise Yogis of all time, Berra... was right when he said that when you come to a fork in the road take it? Just make the road not taken, the one where you can't get wine. That's the Whine road. Ain't nobody got time for that. 6) Do you think that since we all originated/emigrated from Eve and the Garden of Eden, (or from Lucy and the Olduvai Gorge for you hirsute types) that we can stop with the cultural one upmanship and victimhood, and come together over a bottle of wine? I have that dream along with...Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, Towering over your head. Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes, And she's gone...
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.

Darkness on the Edge of Town.

There's a wine and a song for everything Antoinette.

I've got the vacation blues! You know that feeling you get after returning from 9 days frolicking at the beach, where summer once again turns whites into reds... think...think... ok you got it!😉 Where you drink as much wine as you want, improve your golf game, improve your lies about your golf game, read all the books you want without any brain matter required, and most importantly follow the advice of Thomas Gray, "where ignorance is bliss, tis folly to be wise." I know how not to mess up a good thing, so I followed the advice of noted philosopher and candy maker M&M who said "Lose yourself" and made myself blissfully ignorant of the world, only to snap back to reality and find gravity missing(lyrical wit, 😉). People are no longer grounded. They are floating adrift from common sense. When I think of all the issues in the world that could stand a little focus and attention and find that "we" (or what I used to call the lunatic fringe, I know you're out there) are worried about marble statues, and worse... the team mascot of the USC Trojans, because it's a "white" horse named Traveler...which means it's one L from being the same as Robert E. Lee's horse. The second "L" must be for life, as in get one! If we removed every statue in the world, would one person's life be better? God forbid, what if they started removing Hollywood stars? It would be like hundreds of 3 year olds lost their balloon at the same moment. We can't have that. There's not enough Dimetapp to put those children to sleep and stop the crying, but drinking wine will! I could explain all this nonsense of extremism by breaking out Hegel and arguing dialectic theory but there's a better way. For all of you out there who feel oppressed, and suppressed, and repressed, and compressed, and depressed it's time to take advantage of the Wine press. Wine keeps us evenly centered and keeps the mental illness masquerading behind the veneer of political engagement confined to the basement and the MSM press. Remember, no wine... no peace. Know wine, know peace! Time to worry over the right bottle of red to match my current complexion and remember that statues are there not to worship, but to inspire us to do better. Time for more focus on good wine and historical lessons, and no time for the hysterically inane. Let's fix real problems before it's too late and we're eclipsed! Don't be led astray by the non wine drinking fringe groups. Remember, this is a solar eclipse, meaning Sunny, not a lunar eclipse, meaning Looney! But watch out, there may be a lunatic in the hall...And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes, I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.

Political Science Fiction

Time to hang ten Antoinette,

Science is one of those straight forward words that allows us to dwell on just the facts ma'am. It's all based on empirical evidence that we can verify via the scientific method.... or is it. Lest we forget... Science also leads us to science fiction which takes us down the rabbit hole of mom's basement and comic con. And even more comical... there's political science. Where we can change biology and add a whole alphabet of chromosomes to go with the old fashioned and scientific X and Y. Hmm, well we aren't animals right? I mean we are, but we aren't. We should have as many fictional identities as we want right? After all, what separates us from the animals is our humanity (that's good), opposable thumbs(that's useful), and apparently a multiple choice of genders(that's confusing). All animals have is... animosity? (That's bad), no reason or compassion (That's barbarian), and a rigid food chain and only two sexes (That's limiting). The biggest difference of course is we can communicate clearly and we can make wine. For example let's take something black and white to illustrate...pro and anti... we know words beginning with anti are bad... anti-ques, anti-pasto, anti-disestablishmentarian, anti-climax (wait, I thought that was the point? ). Hmm, let's try pro...pro-fanity, pro-blem, pro-crastination, pro-miscuous. Wait this isn't going how I anticipated.  Better switch to something that is clear and communicable in a good way, 😉...wine! We got you animals there! Wine gives us humans class, style, taste, refinement and the ability to communicate reasonably. And what's even better, wine goes well with animals, haha... that might not be humane, but it is delicious! However, sometimes humans choose to drink inflammatory drinks like Fireballs or worse, Appletinis. Those are the drinks of extremism... the KKK, BLM, Commies, Fascists, Antifa and PC types. Stop the madness, uncork something with reason, and the scientifically proven ability to calm anger and enlighten our communication. Time to put aside the apocalyptic missile tests, diplomatic nightmares, extremism on all sides and focus on what’s really important this Monday...my vacation and how many Bloody Mary's and how much wine I can drink at Big Pecker's before going back to work. You don't see me threatening anyone with my missiles... just my missives! Time to take another sip, slap on some spf, wax the board and Let's go surfin' now, Everybody's learning how, Come on and safari with me...🏄‍♂️🍷🏌️‍♂️🏖😎!

Non Compos Mentis

The news will make you insane... better drink up Antoinette.

Ok, America there is news you can use, news you can abuse, news that will leave you confused and news that makes you wish you were talking about gnu[s] (I know... homonym jokes are low forms of humor...but try telling that to Uranus) The good news is all news goes with wine. Time to uncork a bottle of good news... I have a feeling you're gonna need it. Let's start with news we can use for $200 Alex. After 25 years of studying and millions of dollars in federal research grants, Dr Slobidchikoff has determined that prairie dogs have a sophisticated communication system not unlike human teenagers. Their grunts and barks to each other actually describe intruders, and go so far as to bully those that don't measure up. First (and last) reported by Steve Messenger from treehugger.com, the good doctor noted that P. Dogs described intruders to each other... for instance "here comes a coyote", or "look at the fat guy with a 'save the whales' pink t-shirt. Doesn't he know pink clashes with his orange camo shorts?" (I know... don't shoot the messenger 😉, but I have to wonder if there isn't something more important the Dr could be researching like why do birds sing?) Same category $400 please... according to Travel and Leisure, and Food and Wine magazines, the Queen of England has 4 drinks a day. She alternates between gin, wine and champagne. Forget about the 7 Steps of Highly Effective People... just drink martinis and wine and be like the queen. She might not rule an empire anymore, but she has a commonwealth, a few billion in cash, gets more print than Russian collusion and fake news stories combined, has a cool accent, and she's 91! Tis good to be queen. News you can abuse for $800 please Alex. According to researchers at the University of Exeter, students remember information learned right before heavy drinking better than students who studied and didn't drink at all. The theory is that the alcohol blocks new memories so it consolidates older info into longterm memory in the hippocampus. So I know hippo comes from Latin for horse, and campus is like a college... so hippocampus must be like a riding school? Better go chug some Wine, I don't want to forget this. Confused for a $1000. On this day in 1944 non wine drinking fascist, Adolph Hitler, stopped production on HIS Volkswagen Beetle to focus on tanks. I'm confused... aren't the people most likely to be driving a VW the one's going around calling everyone a fascist and comparing the people they don't like to Hitler while hiding in the safety of their basement and firing blanks behind their internet firewall? Shouldn't they be taking the bus anyway? 🤔. African antelope for $600. At Princeton University, students can now choose ONE or MORE from SIX genders including OTHER. Is passing biology no longer a requirement to getting into an Ivy League school? I knew those kids studied too hard in high school. Parents, make your kids play beer pong and flip cup after study hall so they can remember science before political jumped in front. I think it's time for my daily double Alex, 
A bottle of red, a bottle of white
Whatever kind of mood you're in tonight...
I feel like eating in our Italian restaurant.