Time for a little German hospitality

If you drink wine instead of beer, your lederhosen will fit better Antoinette!

Ach der lieber, meine damen und herren it's Oktoberfest! Time to get very Bavarian and don the lederhosen, fill the stein, uncork the Spätburgunder, throw the bratwurst on the grill, and revel in the beautiful fall days while singing the, "Hills are alive with the sound of music." You don't have to travel to Munchen to enjoy the festivities, Oktoberfest is a mindset...so be like the Bavarians, and make it about gemutlichkeit, that's good ol' southern hospitality German style. It's a time when Germans of all classes and backgrounds get together under the big tent of friendliness and get betrunken as one! There's a lot we can learn from the Germans... sometimes by patterning their behavior, and other times by avoiding. We'll take German engineering without the blitzkrieg, the 1000 year old breweries without the Reich, and our news unfiltered with puerile rants and memes of selective outrage passing as journalism. Danke nein, P.C. Goebels. Like all of history we should take from the good, and learn from the bad... don't worship the past... be mindful of it's lessons... kind of like statues, hmm? Every civilization in the history of man ultimately failed for a combination of many reasons...but no civilization has ever failed by drinking more wine...therefore it is axiomatic that more wine drinking will ensure America will survive. If only the Romans knew this...Nero wouldn't have been playing all those sad songs on the fiddle. I guess Edward Gibbons got paid by the word... if not he needed me as an editor...6 volumes geesh! Three words, drink more wine! Learn from the Germans, and adopt a new world view, or as they say, weltanschauung...Don't be selective in your outrage be selective in your bottles of wine and recognize different tastes for different people... variety is the spice of life... we don't want only one choice in wine any more than we want groupthink. Auf weidersehen sheep! The Germans also have a good word for those of you who are easily offended and don't feel safe enough behind the internet firewall and mom's basement... innerlichkeit... it's more or less your personal safe space, your inner freedom... think and believe however you want and nobody can change that. Of course every toddler knows this and that "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never harm you", but sometimes we adults forget... it's fall, the harvest is in, but let's not let the lessons of history die on the vine. Speaking of dying on the vine... do you think the new bumper sticker should be "I'm-with-her-ed" 😉...maybe it's time to play with the grandkids and get sloshed on your favorite grape? Don't confuse hysterical truths with historical truths. Drink up America, happy Oktoberfest, and let's keep this American party going forever! So stand and raise your wine filled stein and sing, "Ein Prosit, ein Prosit Der Gemütlichkeit. OANS! ZWOA! DREI! G'SUFFA!"

A toast, a toast, To cheer and good times.
ONE! TWO! THREE! DRINK UP! 

Gimme Shelter from the Storm

Wine is a good Storm Chaser, Antoinette.

Not many things can be all things to all people with the noted exception of wine. The variety of varietals in various price ranges makes the ambrosia of the vine the right choice for all in a month that gives us much to drink about. With the kickoff of college football and the NFL there are always going to be winners and losers. (though some of us are unfamiliar with their teams losing this week, 😉💲🥂 cheers!)  But for others, the agony of defeat necessitates the comfort to be found in the elixir of life. Remember, as noted wine drinker and Notre Dame fan Pope Francis said.."Win or lose we booze! Fill your glass with something soothing and cure your ills with a bottle of liquid therapy. Wine is your friend in the afterglow of victory, while providing the solace of a needed hug to slain Giants, massacred Redskins, routed Patriots, and Ohio State fans who suffered through Hurricane Boomer Sooner. And while sports are fun and provide a great opportunity to drink before, during, and after games, other occasions are more serious...and wine matches the somber note required perfectly. It's a good time to raise a glass in salute to all those impacted by real hurricanes, all those first responders who risk their life, and those who help however they can. Wine is the perfect accompaniment to births, awakenings, and wakes. So time to get "woke" and realize how essential the Élixir de vie is to everyday life and a balanced diet... just make sure to have a bottle in each hand, 😉. It's also important to have something of quality and effort to celebrate good memories and to memorialize important occasions. Patriot Day (shhh, not you Tom) and 9/11 is a time to celebrate American resiliency... like family, we may argue amongst ourselves at times, but we won't put up with and will always withstand outside threats... so read between the lines of my three middle fingers terrorists (al qaeda, isis, Harvey and Irma) while I hold my bottle of wine in the other hand. Notice what they have in common btw? None of them drink wine. Protect yourself from terrorists, open a bottle of wine.... let it breathe, if it doesn't look like it's breathing give mouth to mouth, 😁. You might eventually need to save someone's life and need the practice. Just remember, getting stung by a Scorpion may Rock you like a Hurricane, but when the sun shines, we shine together...Now that it's raining more than ever...You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Love's Labor's (Labour's) Lost...

... can be replenished with wine, Antoinette.

It's Labor Day America, or Labour Day for you ostentatious Canadian types. A day set aside for the working man to celebrate the end of summer, and a last chance to spill bbq sauce on white clothing, Speedos, or those oh so hip seersucker suits. It's also a day designed by those money grubbing capitalists to get their money spent on wages back by offering up a whole plethora of labor day sales... everything is marked down. So grab your atm card, or your parents' for those of you too busy protesting statues, school names, capitalism and the fact that there seems to be "climate" every day and then recording your efforts with your iphone and selfie stick to go out and get a job. (Warning: To you Johnny Cash, man in black fans who seem to be everywhere these days, I don't think Vineyard Vines clothes or Big Baller Brand sneakers come in all black). And I don't want to belabor (belabour) the point, but why does it seem the most dangerous place to be is standing next to someone carrying a no hate sign? Hmm, that's ironic. Anyway, before you get triggered remember that you don't have to work today... so lay down that "love trumps hate or I'll kill you" sign and selfie stick, put away your work boots, throw some spareribs on the grill, and celebrate the persevering and hard working man (or wo-man, or any other prefix or suffix you choose) by uncorking a bottle of wine. Avoid laborious chitchat, lugubrious company, and dolorous musings on Bernie... and instead invite your neighbors (neighbours) to share your wine and celebrate the things we can all agree upon... the return of football, harvest time in the vineyard, the collective good will shown in helping our fellow Texans, and to the hope that Lil Kim (DPRK version) will choke on his kimchee surrounded by people unfamiliar with Henry Heimlich. And for those of your unfortunate in that you have to work today, make sure you grab your last Paycheck before you tell your boss, Johnny...You better not try to stand in my way, 'Cause I'm walkin' out the door. Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here no more. 

Wine for Thought

I think, therefore I'm thoughtful Antoinette,

 Back to school means it's time for a "Think Piece"... passe journalistic expression... when journalists paid more attention to their byline than their Twitter handle. Well as August winds down to an end, and children scurry off to another year of indoctrination, standardized tests, stiff competition to get the seat next to the smart kid while wearing their Vineyard Vines school uniform of choice we may as well fire up the cerebral cortex and give thought to some important issues. Time to get some learnin' up in here. Forget about the Socratic method, I've developed the Dionysian method (college and above please) because I've discovered there are a lot of people educated beyond their intelligence running around out there... often in head to toe black garb who need the help of the God of wine, fertility, and the arts. Hey, you can wear white until labor day. Dark colors absorb summer heat. Do your parents a favor and get that liberal arts degree in 4 years. And, you'll never score with whichever one of the six, or sixty possible sexes if you don't get the style and sophistication found in a bottle of wine. Now pour yourself an extra large glass of your favorite grape because as I've previously pointed out, wine improves your cognitive abilities... drink wine, know things! Time to put on our thinking caps and Ponder these Points! 1) Do you think the inventor of the internet, apocalyptic environmental movies, and album warning labels (I know, I know it was his wife Tipper, but marriage is a partnership right?) watches G.O.T?  Do you think AG believes it's a propaganda piece by global warming deniers always threatening that winter is coming? Hmm. 2) Do you think those people who are "pro" Illegal immigration mistakenly think it's a refugee program for sick birds of prey? Might want to refill after that. 3) Do you think Hitler invaded Poland because his approval numbers were down and he thought that's where Quinnipiac was?  (I know it's a stretch combining political research institutions with a homonym pun... if you need help see me after class). More wine please. 4) Do you think that the man who said,  "beer is made by man, wine by God"...Martin Luther, had a dream that one day his namesake would be King? 😉 5) Do you think that one of the most spiritual and wise Yogis of all time, Berra... was right when he said that when you come to a fork in the road take it? Just make the road not taken, the one where you can't get wine. That's the Whine road. Ain't nobody got time for that. 6) Do you think that since we all originated/emigrated from Eve and the Garden of Eden, (or from Lucy and the Olduvai Gorge for you hirsute types) that we can stop with the cultural one upmanship and victimhood, and come together over a bottle of wine? I have that dream along with...Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, Towering over your head. Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes, And she's gone...
Lucy in the sky with diamonds.