A Talladega Christmas

Christmas is coming Antoinette,

Dear Lord baby Jesus, we are halfway through advent and it's time to get serious about what gifts you need for this upcoming birthday party. So whether or not you prefer to think of Jesus "...as 8 pounds 6 ounces, newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet" like Ricky Bobby, it's probably best you think of him like Cal Naughton does, who likes to picture "Jesus in a tuxedo tshirt, 'cause it says, like, 'I wanna be formal, but I'm here to party too.' I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party!" Thinking like this gives you much better options in gifts. Babies are cute and all, but adults can drink wine, and we know the grown up Jesus knew the importance of wine and how to keep a party going when he transformed water into a glorious Petit Sirah (durif in Israel) when the wine ran out at the wedding at Cana for his first miracle! In addition, wine wraps easily. Just stick in a stocking if you are cheap and only bringing one bottle, or be a big hit and bring a case. Even guys can wrap a symmetrical rectangle. What you don't want to be is the three wise men. As a guy who waits until Christmas Eve to shop, I can identify with last minute gift ideas, but be wiser than the Magi, don't stop off at Yankee Candle like Balthazar and Gaspar for candles and incense (frankincense and myrrh), you're not shopping for GiGi. You can even do better than Uncle Melchior and the gift card (gold) he picks up at the supermarket on the way. Celebrate the birth of baby Jesus in style and be the hit of the party, bring wine...and plenty of it! It's way better than socks and will never be regifted! The girlfriend can keep her hair, the boyfriend can keep granddad's watch and O'Henry can write about something else. If you want to walk on water, drink wine. Only two shopping weeks left!

Amen!

Infamy

This was my "Room with a View" in high school of Pearl Harbor and Kolekole Pass. Now 75 years after the "Day that will live in Infamy" I think is a good occasion to raise a glass of your favorite wine and pay tribute to all those who ensured us all this! Salut!

The Weather Channel

Bundle up Antoinette,

So is the weather getting warmer? Are the ice caps melting? Is it the non Prius drivers fault? While I am a huge supporter of all the wildlife dependent on cold weather like the polar bear, penguins and ski bunnies, I do think we should consider this possibility thoroughly before handing Al Gore another pot full of green energy money that will disappear into ozone free air faster than you can say An Inconvenient Truth! (I know, I know he invented the Internet...give him a break). But seriously, if the earth is warming (2 feet of snow in Hawaii to the contrary this weekend) and no matter if it's natural or man made, wouldn't more and longer warm weather equal more vines and more wine? And wouldn't less winter mean less snow days which just means more learning for them kids? Am I missing something here? Everyone's a winner. So green people take note. I'll explain it clearly and simply in red, white and sparkling with a touch of alliteration and a modicum of homonym on the ear. Before you whine about the weather and wind, wind down a little with wine. Whiners are annoying, whereas wining is winning with fellow winers who see the big picture about weather, whether you believe winter is coming or not. Don't be wistful about cold weather, rather get out some cards for a game of Whist and play the cards you're dealt! It's all in the wrist in Whist and wine. It's ok if you disagree with me, I can't force you to be right, but I can implore you to Drink Wine, Don't Whine! The truth can be conveniently found in all bottles of wine. Whiners take note, cuz if you never know truth then you never know love...where's the love, y'all. 

Sent from my T-Mobile 4G LTE Device

420 Reasons to Drink Wine

Three on a match is bad luck Antoinette!

Enough is enough America. Social media warriors, hash taggers, bumper sticker intellectuals..stop it! We get it! Everybody can come up with a ridiculous stat to "prove" their point, post an asinine meme, (who comes up with those btw, what a cool job), and Google some fake news site like the mainstream media to share a shrill and hysterical rant linking people to Hitler, Stalin, Satan, Scary Clowns and the Wicked Witch of the east coast/west coast while exonerating the likes of Fidel or Che. Don't get caught up in the nonsense and skip the Xanax and Valium. Instead, bring civility to your life, food for your soul, calm for your angst and good tips to your bartender and servers, DRINK WINE! Don't post rants! Post babies, puppies, vacays and what you're drinking at happy hour!  And if you're too young to post pics of happy hour, then shush! I don't want to hear it's important young people express their opinions, it's important they learn something first. Remember, children believe in unicorns, Santa Claus and that the sick goldfish just swam back to the ocean through the toilet bowl to see a fish doctor. Now they have learned of a new way to skip school..."I don't like democracy, it's unfair!" If you aren't old enough where WINE can solve your problems, then sit down, get out pen and paper, and take notes. Remember these kids already have a built in skip day that's monitored by Johnny Law, let's keep it to just "Danksgiving, 4/20" and get some learning up here in this joint. (Deliberately punny). Ironic these "peace loving, nonviolent protestors" have no issue celebrating Hitler's birthday and driving around in a Hitler volkswagon with a Daisy on the dash! (Put that in your pipe and smoke it) So again, enough of the politics...pop a cork of something pleasant, friendly, and alluring then talk about non controversial things like religion, pipelines, and "does the weather feel warmer to you"? Make sure you think the last one through. TBC