Changes in Attitude

Vacations are necessary in order to die young as late as possible Antoinette. 

One of the beauties of a vacay at the beach🏖 is you lose track of time and before you know it Monday becomes Wednesday and the Monday blog becomes whatev's bruddah! This quite possibly is related to the fact that while on vacation at said beach, there is no time of day when consuming adult beverages is frowned upon except if you're caught drinking by repressed lifeguards with David Hasselhoff and BayWatch fantasies...this is also why God invented the Yeti tumbler.🍻  As a matter of fact,  I would argue that one looks out of place at the beach without an adult beverage in hand🍹. Now I know there are the healthnut types you see at every beach who like to obstruct your blurry view of the ocean by jogging🏃‍♂️🏃‍♀️ in front of you, and those who like to preen their yoga workouts🧘‍♀️ in the midst of us regular people who do normal things at the beach like not stretching in front of others, while eating boardwalk fries, drinking alcohol🍷 and who dare go in the water without waiting the requisite 30 minutes🏊‍♂️. Risky behavior to be sure. But in the war between Yogaists, Joggers, Power Walkers, SJW's, VS's, PC nazi's, mass murderers, socialists, Patriot Fans and other contemptible people and the Boardwalk Fry eating, beer guzzling 🍺deplorable... who do you think will most likely get sand kicked in their face at the end of the day? I rest my case... cheers!🍸

Now besides drinking all day, sunburning/tanning and kicking sand in the face of lesser thans, there is the added benefit of losing track of the serious issues going on in the world🌎 which leaves you time to ponder the truly insignificant, weird and wacky stuff that sometimes falls by the wayside. ... take this interesting story for instance. In an effort to punk fellow terrorist good for nothings, "al qaeda mocks terrorist rival isis by releasing blooper reel." 📽 Apparently, in an effort to win converts, opposing jihadist poke fun at the ineptitude of the other. Videos of isis recruits👎 not being able to remember the pledge and being heckled by birds🐓 have been circulated along with students in isis bomb training 101 💣blowing themselves up while learning about explosives. Presumably they also get the big reveal that it's not virgins 💑you get as promised after voluntarily dismembering yourself(faulty translation), but 72 raisins instead🍇. Hmm, at least they'll be regular and they and al qaeda can go back to living in bunker busting bomb proof caves🌋. Oh... they don't exist? Oh well...c'est la vie!😱Then of course you get Elon Musk, the inventor businessman not the aftershave, who says the way to get life on Mars is to nuke it🚀! This will then create carbon dioxide and as long as Planned Parenthood isn't around, life on Mars can develop. How to nuke Mars is another question....presumably just use a variety of charging stations🔌 on intervening asteroids🌠 and other orbs and the Tesla nukes will be able to complete the journey. That's the kind of forward thinking we need around here.🤔 But if you want to keep your territorial expansion closer to home but still make significant territorial gains, (and who doesn't), I think it's time to switch directions. No longer should America's destiny be,  "go west young man"...we see what California has brought us and the fourth rock from the sun is pretty far. Now it's time to go where the grass is greener🍀...Greenland! Now while Greenland is still technically white from that persistent global warming denying snow and ice❄... eventually it should be green according to Al G.(see what I did there?😉). Of course that means we will be able to grow vineyards 🍇and fields of amber waves of grain🌾 supplying America and those that matter plenty of adult beverages🍷. Sorry #jihadists #fraudsquad #etc. This kind of land deal should get done in about 10 minutes. There's like 60 people in Greenland. Just give them each a couple million and a plane ticket somewhere warm like Miami👙🏖. Denmark 🇩🇰doesn't know what's going on there anyway... besides they are too busy eating danishes. As a matter of fact, let's buy Canada🇨🇦 while we're at it... then we won't have to build a wall there to keep out the White walkers. Oh that threat is over? It was only make believe? So where did the disappointed hollyweirders go after the last election? Oh that was make believe also. Hmm, I wonder where they'll threaten to move next time? I'm guessing not Venezuela🇻🇪. So anyway, with the addition of Canada and Greenland our Olympic hockey, dog sled and viking teams should be better. And once global warming takes effect, more land will become available for producing adult beverages, polar bears will be able to retire to warmer climes and maple syrup will be more readily available. But right now it's time to get back to the beach... surf's up... time to hit the Buffett and get my mind right with some Changes in Latitude...

I took off for a weekend last month
Just to try and recall the whole year
All of the faces and all of the places
Wonderin' where they all disappeared
I didn't ponder the question too long
I was hungry and went out for a bite
Ran into a chum with a bottle of rum
And we wound up drinkin all night

It's these changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes
Nothing remains quite the same
With all of our running and all of our cunning
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane

Conspiracy Theories

Ironically, rhetorical devices are often oxymoronic like a metaphorical simile as when suicided is like killed dead but sounds onomatopoetic as in oops upside your head...say what Antoinette?

Jumping jehoshaphat Josephine. Just when JeremyEp judged jurisprudence justified jilting juries and journalists' jollies and other jocundities, he made a euphemistic jailbreak before his jeremiad jolted jillions of jaundiced and jittery jackasses who jetted on jailbait joyride junkets just jammin' jokingly with junior Jennys...so he jettisoned his life by suiciding himself with paper jammies and three self inflicted shots to the back of the head🙊. Just jawing. Happens all the time. I think I need to wet my whistle, 🍸, ah! Ok, actually you don't need creative rhetorical and literary devices when talking about the current political landscape, because the irony is rich, the oxymorons are plentiful, hyperbole is the norm, and the simile to remember is everyone you disagree with is like a racist nazi misogynistic science denying illiterate heterosexual earth hating homophobic carnivore🙉... but I digress. Actually this should be a good year for many and maybe a good opportunity for people to come together over a shared interest... conspiracy theories🤜🤛. Arguing over conspiracies is more like the old fashioned arguments... nobody really cares and you're unlikely to be unfriended if you disagree🙏. For instance, conspiracy theories about the political equivalent of SIDS, known as SAOCDS (sudden acquaintance of Clinton death syndrome often suffered by those who threatened not to clam up).

Speaking conspiratorially,  I'd be worried if my initials showed up there in the middle of the death sentence... #AOC.  Hmm, maybe it's just coincidental all 50 plus previous times it has occurred. Nothing to see here🙈. The fact that they all occurred at lets say serendipitous moments for the fortunes of the Clintons #42 and #45,  oh wait that's not right... What Happened? #ImWithHer, and of course the slush fund, I mean foundation that keeps on giving is purely unintentional. Just think of it as assisted suicides... where the assistant is just good fortune, money, and plenty of swamp creatures. Actually, I'm not here to foment conspiracy theories because I know the end result... years of ridiculous programming on the History Channel, Discovery Channel, and Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I actually remember when there used to be good programs on the History Channel... now ironically it's just unreal "reality" tv and propagandized historical revisionism. People die all the time, and tomorrow is promised to no man, or woman for that matter so just because you have a greater chance of dying if you have ever had contact with a Clinton than by the combined percentage of deaths from terrorism, an ar15, snakebite🐍, shark attack🦈, old age, cancer, smoking, heart ailments, visiting the Dominican Republic, living in any communist country, appearing in a Nightmare on Elm Street movie 🧟‍♂️and while on suicide watch in a maximum security prison 🙈🙉🙊doesn't mean that it was anything but an unfortunate coincidence. Ok, maybe there was a little hyperbole there, but actually exaggeration and irony are effective blog plot devices and certainly are worth a nervous chuckle or two. The good news is we are in the middle of the Idiomatic dog days of summer🐶🏜 which means my vacation starts next week🏖. There's nothing like a vacay at the beach to forget about conspiracy theories, political dodgeball, assisted or unassisted suicides, and meaningless literary devices. Life is too short and there are a lot of yet unmade drinks 🍹that haven't been drunk yet to worry about the mundane problems of Clinton associates. Maybe if the world shared the same common oxymoronic vacation goal of becoming drunk as a football bat🤔, they would have less time to hate on each other, get apoplectic over social media posts🤯, or suicide themselves because of their acquaintances🗡. And since the moon is known as the God of drunkards, it's only fitting that while you're passed out in the R.E.M. dream state you might be dreaming of conspiracies and the Man in the Moon...

Moses went walking with the staff of wood (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Newton got beaned by the apple good (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Mister Charles Darwin had the gall to ask (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

Now, Andy did you hear about this one?
Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
Hey, Andy are you goofing on Elvis?
Hey baby, are you having fun?

If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon

If you believe there's nothing up his sleeve, then nothing is cool

Hypocrisy and Racism

An egghead once said that a hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation Antoinette. 

Well boys and girls today is a Monday where what I write might not be so cleverly funny.😰 I know sometimes I'm the kind of funny where you're gonna laugh, I don't care who you are. 😂And sometimes you think I tell a good story. "What? You mean the way I talk? What? Let me get this straight... I'm funny how? I mean funny like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh. I'm here to F'ing amuse you?... How am I funny?  😳Well funny or not there's always a good reason to have adult beverages 🍸around and today's national mood certainly requires plenty of those. This week's tragic shootings in Texas and Ohio😥 by two nutjobs shows where the vitriol bandied about by the press, politicians, social justice cyber warriors and anyone with an internet machine has led us🗣. The combination of deliberately stroking the fires of hate, giving credence to movements like antifa, BLM, and all other hate mongering groups has not only ginned up violence but counter hate groups as well. We have created a culture of hate with proclamations of absolutes that have no legitimacy and no useful purpose. This didn't begin with TDS only exacerbated by it and the result is the dialectic idea of opposites. The contrary counterforce just leads to a nation of extremes, when democracy is supposed to be about the middle ground. There's plenty of blame to go around. The presidential behavior of the latest 2 presidents doesn't help. A culture built on cartoon violence inures people to death and mayhem. Social media and internet access to any crazy ideas or images is readily available to all leaving the most vulnerable and those least able to govern themselves potential WMDs. And while there is plenty of blame to go around, I blame the media and the hypocrisy of naked political ambition and phony grandstanding most of all. As far as I know, nobody I know who voted for Trump is a racist. They voted for the guy who they thought best represented their view on how the Constitution should govern, how the economy should work and how the nation should be run. If Obama espoused all of the conservative principles of government and Trump the liberal ones while being the same people and demeanor would you vote for the opposite view point? People by and large want the same thing. A job, safety for their family and country, opportunity to advance and succeed, the four freedoms, the 21st amendment, inexpensive booze🍺, a big screen TV🖥, etc. It's ok to disagree how to get there. The founding fathers did and they all risked their lives to get it done and show the world a better way.

 It's even ok to argue over viewpoints, but the inane name calling has to stop. The hypocrisy of pretending to care when you don't... it's just a political public relations tool🤥. This is a good time to refill your glass...make it a double to wash down the hypocrisy🍸🍺. Ok, I'm back. Where was I? Oh yeah, I don't know of any nazi's anymore, at least none who aren't in antifa or the propaganda arm of the press, or Hollywood Virtue signalers who profess their wokeness at every opportunity. That should be verboten! They pretend to care about women's rights and #metoo and climate change but never when it limits their opportunities or is counter to their political aims. For instance Google just held a private party of A listers in Sicily at "Davos by the sea" to discuss, glad hand, and raise "awareness" about climate change. Of course Obama, Prince Harry, Katy Perry etc flew in via 114 private jets, numerous private yachts and stayed at a resort with flown in beach sand while leaving a bigger carbon footprint than a decent size town. At least Harry had the decency to say he would limit his carbon footprint by only having two kids, of course you have to also consider the gaseous bloviating's toll on the environment. "Do as I say not as I do." And whatever happened to the Virginia governor, Lt Governor, and attorney general over their racist and rapist antics? ... oh yeah nothing. Was it the member of the press who beat up the black clad, masked, antifa thugs or the other way around? And then of course there's racism. Now is the time to refill 🍷and hide your keys cuz nobody is driving 🏎🚔now. Systemic racism is when a system of government is perpetuated that beholdens a population to their caregivers. One that requires them to depend on handouts🤲. That buys their loyalty with promises of free stuff that in turn leaves them in a cycle of poverty, crime, drugs, low education and family breakdown that has now lasted decades. Calling somebody stupid because they're stupid and ignorant #fraudsquad isn't racist, it's obvious. Protecting the border isn't racist, it's obvious. Pointing out the problems of Baltimore, Detroit, San Francisco etc. isn't racist, it's obvious. Pretending those problems don't exist because of policies in play is racist. Arguing about the 2nd Amendment after tragedies is hypocritical when nobody is discussing the everyday plight in the inner cities where murders happen more frequently and at a higher rate. Racism is taking their vote, promising the moon then leaving them until the next election. Racism is appealing to victimhood instead of basing everything on merit. Equality is about opportunity not outcome. Affirmative action is racist. Merit isn't. Quotas are racist, merit isn't. Not being held accountable is racist, sexist, ageist, whatever... merit isn't. Phony grandstanding and politicking issues like Ferguson and Kavanaugh, and downplaying the assualt on police officers is racist, sexist and shortsighted. Hoax racism and hoax sexual accusations for political gain, false victimhood etc. only hurt and undermine all the real and tragic examples that really do occur. And it's this hypocrisy in our world, insanely accusatory language and labeling, anything is fair as long as it advances my political agenda worldview that creates entrenched sides, agitates the unbalanced and tragically leads to crazy zealots who take out their anger on the innocent. The weekend saw craziness motivated from one side in El Paso and crazy motivated from the other side in Dayton.😥 That's where the accusatory language has brought us. Time to consider America as a team🇺🇸. Nobody cares what your name is, sex is, race is, nationality is, religion is as long as you work hard, play nice with others and remember to tip your bartender and servers well💰. Get elected on merit, not phony grandstanding. Remember, evil people have hidden out in the church to either hide or stop doing evil things. It's not the religion that's bad, it just became the cloak to mask their activities. Hypocrites and racists also hide under the cloak of politics and virtue signaling. Matthew said, "beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly are ravening wolves." Beware of the career politician on government salary who is now a multimillionaire. Your political party isn't the most important thing, America is! And what America has proven is that success depends on the individual, freedom of opportunity, hard work, the entrepreneurial spirit, honest assessments and merit. Be neighborly even when you disagree. Start by sharing your favorite adult beverage with those old enough around you🥂, then model the work ethic that made America great and the "City upon a hill" to the youngins. We're America...we got this. Believe it. And if you're in doubt just listen to the Boss, and you'll have a Reason to Believe...

Take a baby to the river, Kyle William they called him
Wash the baby in the water, take away little Kyle's sin
In a whitewash shotgun shack an old man passes away
Take his body to the graveyard and over him they pray
Lord won't you tell us, tell us what does it mean
At the end of every hard earned day people find some reason to believe

No Place Like Home

Remember to take life with a grain of salt... wedge of lime and shot of tequila Antoinette. 

There are a lot of surveys out there these days boys and girls. Surveys that purport to tell you political opinion, consumer preferences, dating habits, customer satisfaction, taste great/less filling, the greatest this and the greatest that. Of course you should take all surveys with a grain of salt and I would suggest adding the tequila, and why not... throw in the lime! That's because tequila is a good metaphor. Some people drink the liquor of the blue agave plant because they are happy and agree with things and want to celebrate, others drink tequila and get fighting mad because what you just said was just a bunch of TC! (Toro Caca, 🐃💩) The problem with surveys are they are usually oriented to a desired outcome by how the questions are phrased, where they are placed and the intended audience🐑. For instance a recent survey decided to research which movie is the most influential based on the number of references to or in other movies🎬. Sounds pretty scientific though of course movies are made by a small number of people of a similar artistic ilk (hollyweirders) so you can imagine that they reference similar cinematic influences. The number one influential movie under this scoring was The Wizard of Oz!👠🌪 Now I'm ok with that because there are some good quotable lines in there and cultural influencers. "... we're not in Kansas anymore🌈," "I'll get you my pretty," and "there's no place like home🏡" to name a few. Of course seeing how the movie is based on a book that was an allegory for the 1896 Presidential race in which there was a great political divide you can also see how it would retain its resonance and has direct parallels to modern people, events and issues though what seems obvious might not actually be the case. For instance the Scarecrow, "If I only had a brain🧠," might have you immediately thinking the #AOC or any other member of the fraud squad🤡, but was actually representative of the agriculture side of the Populist party👨‍🌾. A kind of third party that was made up of disenfranchised plain folk... farmers, labor, etc who were smart in a non academic way, just ignored... kind of like "deplorables." And when Dorothy asks him how he can talk if he doesn't have a brain, he replies, "I don't know, but some people without brains do an awful lot of talking don't they?"🗣 And this was way before the recent Presidential candidate debate where nobody #feltthebern, nor were pierced by a Warren arrow of contrived wampum🙉. Of course this doesn't even consider the number of elitist🤫, educated way beyond their intelligence, who believe only they can guide the sheep and will do so for their own good while they shear them of all individuality and pontificating behind their ivory towers and gated communities. Then you had the Tin Man who repped the industrial worker👨‍🔧... the heartless dehumanized victim of the mechanical age🤖. Like now when Big Brother has taken over, faux rage over contrived grievances and where the heart❤ is a publicity ad for sympathetic "wokeness" and merely a representation of how many insincere "likes" you get on your photoshopped image or repost in a quest to artificially best your multitude of "genuine friends" on social media. 🤳 Do you think you can consider someone's number of likes as cyberbullying if you have less likes for your posting? 🤔 I think I need a safe space for a moment. Ok, back now...I found it, 🍷. Where was I...oh yeah, the Cowardly Lion🦁. Of course the cowardly lion reps those who "once had courage but it's now vanished" crowd. Think about the Greatest Generation whose courage was in spite of their fear🤨, compared to today's lack of courage safe space needing generation😰🤒😷🤕🤮 seen most evidently by the multitudes afraid of words📚, statues🗿, place names and the insidious nature of institutionalized equality of opportunity instead of the equality of outcome the fearful seek. "Why you're nothing but a great big coward." So to seek a solution for the lack of brains, heart and courage,  Dorothy takes her friends down the yellow brick road of gold💰 to where all the money leads... the Emerald City, or as it is often referred to today... the swamp🐍. But of course what they realize is the swamp can't give them anything... it's an artifice. They already had what they sought, they just forgot how to use it and ceded their authority and their money💵 over to those who would have them believe they held all the solutions. How did this happen? Well the Wicked Witch drugged them with the poppies💉💊🌼 of big government... created crises and instability so the munchkins would give up their control by seeking a solution for all and with the promise of the end of the rainbow...but ending up with nothing cuz you can't reach that pot of gold. Instead we are left with false promises🦄, new faux bogeymen and self imposed crises... debt, urban decay, cultural breakdown, reality tv, illegal immigration👨‍🚀, confused genders🧚‍♂️, Top Gun remakes✈, video game millionaires, The View, global warming then cooling, violent statues🗿, the man bun🙈,and according to #AOC worst of all... those freezing cold ICE Detention Centers in front of 7/11 and gas stations everywhere. 🙊  Remember when Charm City🤝 was charming... or the City of Brotherly Love✌ was loving... or the windy city was🌬... well I guess it still is cuz the same politicians are still there but the others no! And yet the people accept it by swallowing the bilge and drinking the tainted water from the faucet🚱. Sheep! But not to worry America, because I can get you to that metaphorical pot of gold💰 at the end of the rainbow. So wake up..."you were having a nachtmare." We've created our own bogeymen, but it's time to stop the Nightmare on Elm Street🧟‍♂️ at # who knows? We just need to consider some other great and influential movies like Caddyshack, Animal House, Young Frankenstein, Talladega Nights, The Big Lebowski and Stripes that incomprehensibly didn't make the list. Movies that deal with why that glass of your favorite adult beverage 🍸

is half full of optimism instead of that defeatest half empty Cosmo you've been drinking. Quotes like "we're American... and we've been kicking ass for 200 years."🇺🇸 PTSD help, "lighten up Francis." Healthcare solutions like, "no one lives forever, but with advances in modern science and [our] high level of income (from less regs and taxes) it's not crazy to think [we] can live to 245 maybe 300!" Alternatives to food stamps,  "This is the worst looking hat I ever saw. I bet when you buy a hat like that you get a free bowl of soup🥣. Looks good on you though." Agricultural improvements, "this is a cross of Kentucky blue grass and... California sensemilia... you can play 36 holes🏌️‍♂️ and then get stoned to the bejesus.🤪🤪" Unsure of college👨‍🏫, "well the world needs ditch diggers too." Otherwise it might be,  "seven years of college down the drain.👨‍🎓" In which case,  "my advice to you is to start drinking heavily," but remember,  "fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life." Sino-American relations,  "Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here." How to talk to the fraud squad, "sooner or later you're going to have to face the fact that you're a moron!" But never despair America because it's not over. "Over? Did you say over? Nothing is over until we decide it is. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no." "Well you can do what you want, but I'm not gonna sit here while you bad mouth the United States of America!" #MAGA "Now how about little something, you know, for the effort?" Survey says..."you will receive total consciousness." So you got that going for you now. And no matter what you think just remember, "yeah, well, that's just like your opinion man." And perhaps most importantly, "Hey, careful, there's a beverage here."🍺 Now, maybe the Scarecrow will even loan out his brainpower to some pols seeking a presidential candidacy...

I could while away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers,
Consulting with the rain;
And my head I'd be a scratchin'
While my thoughts are busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain.

I'd unravel ev'ry riddle for my 

Individdle

In trouble or in pain

With the thoughts that you'll be thinkin'

You could be another Lincoln

If you only had a brain.

Oh, I, could tell you why 

The oceans near the shore

I could think of things I'd never

Thunk before,

And then I'd sit down and think some more.

I would not be just a muffin',

My head all full of stuffin',

My heart all full of pain;

And perhaps I'd deserve you and be

Even worthy even you

If I only had a brain