Fly Me To The Moon

If you check yourself into the hokey pokey rehab center, can you turn yourself around Antoinette? 

Well boys and girls and anybody else thinking the apocalypse is upon us... here's a few signs that the sky is falling though maybe not for the reasons you think so you may as well pop the top on some refreshing adult beverages🍺. Of course it is the end of time... in the government's 🏛💱 fiscal year that is which just means it's only a matter of time ⏳before the next budget impasse over how to spend money we don't have... hold onto your wallet.! 💰He who controls the money💵... controls!👊 Of course the real threat of an apocalypse is the lunacies🤪 of the few being forced down the throat of the masses with the complicity of a large propaganda tool, media and big government, in order to take control of EVERYTHING!😈 You're gonna probably want to refill  your glass for this.🍸Let's start with child abuse... yeah I know right?  "How dare you. I'll never forgive you!" But really, what else do you call it when you take a mentally unstable Swedish girl🇸🇪 with aspergers syndrome, excessive anxieties and OCD disorders and exploit her fears🧟‍♀️ to get across "your" (the supposed adults in the room) green political agenda...that by any level headed adult rationale would destroy the world economy, do next to nothing in changing whatever climatic changes are occurring, not even include the 2 biggest polluters China🇨🇳 and India🇮🇳, but definitely cede control of just about everything to the nefarious group known as globalist🕴. Seeing how America is making the most progress in the world at cleaning up its messes #MAGA, I say just leave the eurotrash to the euros💶. Nobody likes trash and pollution🚯, and everyone likes jobs and a good economy🏭 and in the US🇺🇸 we've been evolving towards a better relationship between the two without doomsayers and loss of individual rights⚖. If the powers that be really thought the world was gonna end in 12 years, or is it 10 now?... the O'bammas wouldn't be building beach houses🏖. Besides, the same scientists that comprise the so called 97%👨‍🔬 have been 0-41🙈🙉🙊 on their predictions since scientists got into the Nostradumbas business 50 years ago.  

 

https://cei.org/blog/wrong-again-50-years-failed-eco-pocalyptic-predictions 

I'm thinking that even if I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed I might stop listening to the advice before I got to 42 in a row wrong🤔...and to think the prediction is supposed to be more valid by sending out a 16 year old nervous Nellie😢 isn't going to fly. If you're not old enough to drink👶, then you certainly aren't old enough to take advice from because everyone knows booze increases your intelligence...I think!🤔 At least I always feel smarter. 🍺👨‍🎓And while we adults appreciate the earnestness of the Greta's, and 2nd amendment expert David Hogg's of the world, "wouldn't it be nice if..." attitude,  we'll just pat you on the head and say thank you for your concern, and tell you to go clean your room as a good first step in greening the planet and stop playing violent video games or watching Hollywood movies to learn how to behave. You're kids... enjoy it! And for you adults propping up these stooges...stop acting like kids! Now more signs the apocalypse is upon us. The 👌 sign is now a hate sign according to the ADL. Apparently, one of the three white supremacists🙊🙉🙈 left in America used the sign to acknowledge another member about whether or not he was able to get ahold of the third member to come to their rally...ok! Let's ban it🚫. And might as well ban a few more statues🗿, place names and for God's sake, get that racist Laura Ingalls Wilder👵 name off that book award📚🏆 and please ban Little House on the Prairie from all libraries🏛! What were we thinking all these years? Better fire up all the book burning furnaces 🔥so we can be more liberal and less hateful! Then send out masked antifa🤬 nimrods to quell any displeasure. Maybe it's time to remember what Ronnie #40 said, "If fascism ever comes to America, it will come in the form of liberalism."🤔 Just curious, but I wonder if the extended middle finger is on the ADL's hate sign list? How about all the gang signs? Hmm. In other lunacies, but far less apocalyptic we have the fate of Tekashi 6ix9ine to ponder. Apparently, rapper Daniel Hernandez needed more street cred than face tats, hair dye, a ridiculous name and rainbow grills🤡 can provide so he decided to become a gang banging, drug dealing low life criminal. And when he got caught and charged decided to add snitch to the resume📃. But that's not the funny part... that comes when he says he will go into witness protection. Huh? You seen this cat🙀? 

Where they gonna put him...with a flock of macaws🦜, clown camp🤡⛺, a perpetual rainbow pride protest🌈? See kids that's why you  think long and hard before getting tattooed, especially over your face and along with a rainbow plated grill. Not to mention if you're gonna join a gang of drug dealing💉💊 murderous 🗡imbeciles try not to be a snitch🤫. Like Snoop reminded people about Martha Stewart not snitching, " Baby girl kept it 10 toes down and ate that prison sentence by herself, like the true baddie she is.” That ain't no drizzle,  Dogg! Well now T69 has decided to forgo witness protection... that should probably end well! 🙈And less we forget... more bad news from Russia🇷🇺... except this time it's not collusion it's collision! A Russian naval boat🚢 was attacked and sunk by a walrus! Some suggested that the ship entered its breeding ground or possibly threatened it's young. I'm betting that it will soon be proven it was global warming🌡. Oh well, maybe it's time to take that space elevator to the moon that those Columbia University students are designing👨‍🚀👩‍🚀 for a little vacay away from these lunacies. But I was wondering,  who do you call if you get stuck?🤔 Hmm, anyway plenty of time for a little elevator hanky panky💋 though so choose your co-riders carefully! 😜 And the good news is if you're gonna have to listen to elevator music for that long, it's always good to have plenty to drink🍸and a little Sinatra for the ride, so Frank Fly Me To The Moon...🚀

Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like on
A-Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song and let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves

Beware of hanging out in bars that have a sign over the urinal that warn about eating the big white mint, Antoinette. 

It's the autumnal equinox today which means that pretty much the entire 3rd Rock🌎 from the sun🌝,  besides the Poles🧭🇵🇱 that is (those guys are too busy making vodka🍸 and remembering why they aren't celebrating Oktoberfest🍻 with their western neighbor🇩🇪, ach du liebe), are experiencing 12 hours of light and 12 hours of dark. In other words today is the transition to fall when serving white🥂 and red wine🍷 is equally appropriate, and nobody will scoff at your white leather loafers as far as you know😝. The 23rd also marks a couple of other important days....or so they tell me. You have the beloved National Snack Stick Day and you also have National Restless Leg Awareness Day. I'm thinking ladies, and you guys back me up on this one, that any significant other/decent person would recognize that once they are aware of someone's restless leg, they should immediately offer some stick snacking.🤔🙊🙉🙈  But hey, I realize we aren't living in Emily Post's world of polite society anymore🌎. And if the party in question happens to be XX👙, then remember men that today is also National Great American Pot Pie Day🥘...I really don't even know what that means, but I do know pie is always good🥧, and sometimes my euphemisms are out there... and if you don't like that, no worries... just wait because tomorrow we celebrate National Cherry [Jubilation] Day and who doesn't want a piece of that Jubilation?🍒... waiting is often the best choice... yeah I know #metoo. As I was saying, we are near the end of September which means more of the usual... climate change is really happening, and global warming is on break. 

We have a little over 13 months until the next election which means the dems will make up 13 more reasons to impeach their "Orange is the new Black" 👤character even when it's not in their best interest. It makes me wonder if Antonio Brown #AB84 is their new chief strategist...other than the #AOC that is, who thank God, stood up this week on behalf of DC voting rights because it's unconstitutional that they are denied the vote! Which of course it would be if they didn't have the right to vote... which also btw, always goes to her party. But I'm sure this is an honest and one time mistake of ignorance... not like she would ever spew any other retarded ideas. Nah!🤔 There is also the consistency of Berniefeels, who is promising more tax payer funded free stuff along with that super wealthy land owning native ally of the middle class person of color who promises much but won't say how or how much it's going to cost the middle class. #Fauxahontas. Actually, you have to give some props to Bernie's commitment to bring parity to the NFL. He believes that all teams who win over 12 games this year should redistribute their excess wins to the Miami Dolphins and any other winless, worthless team. How nice!🤥 Makes you wonder why socialism never works. At least #shutdowndc will work right? I mean since when is disrupting a Monday morning commute of hungover football fans during rush hour for people who don't live in basements and have to pay bills by people looking for their Instagram moment so they can virtually signal about their rebellious lifestyle to all 11 of their "friends" who were actually there with them never not a good idea? And isn't an idling car more environmentally hazardous than a car already parked, and isn't it more wasteful if said driver, possibly government worker isn't working hard at their tax paid job because they're stuck in traffic at a faux protest by faux protestors who will leave eventually and share their war stories over a faux coffee with their fellow baristas? I could run on and on, but I think those sentences will suffice. At least it gets them out of the house for awhile and hopefully doesn't trigger any road rage...I'd hate to see any of their scooters damaged. But hey, enough of that... it's fall, the leaves are changing🍁, the weather is beautiful, some of our teams (mine) are doing great. The pennant race is in full gear and October baseball⚾️ is just around the corner to supplement football🏈 season. Life is good, America is still great, and booze 🍸still cures what ails you... mostly. So when you find yourself standing next to one of the basement dwelling rebellious baristas☕ who don't bathe as often as they should🤭😷, remember alcohol 🍺is a disinfectant. It's also a good idea to Cher, she knows from experience... besides fauxistas, it's worked with other Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves!

Gypsy's, tramps, and thieves
We'd hear it from the people of the town
They'd call us gypsy's, tramps, and thieves
But every night all the men would come around
And lay their money down

I never had schoolin' but he taught me well
With his smooth southern style
Three months later I'm a gal in trouble
And I haven't seen him for a while, uh-huh
I haven't seen him for a while, uh-huh

She was born in the wagon of a travellin' show
Her mama had to dance for the money they'd throw
Grandpa'd do whatever he could
Preach a little gospel, sell a couple bottles of doctor good

Wow. What Knockers!

Remember as the Germans like to say, "thirst is only beautiful when accompanied by beer" Antoinette. 

Well jungen und mädchen it's September and you know what that means...ja est ist Oktoberfest! Of course that's the great thing about Oktoberfest...it's so good they actually start it in September and celebrate for over 2 weeks. The krauts 🇩🇪don't do things by half measure just ask the Frogs!🇨🇵. Or better yet, take a look at the size of their enormous steins.🙈 Size matters! Just ask Inga, Ooph. Eine Maß bitte.🍺 It's a good thing it starts early because we certainly need something to wash away the lunacy in our world. In fact it's not just the Germans who have been guilty of bullying. Just try having what would generally be called a normal opinion and face the wrath of those LGBTQXPALIDOCIOUS bullies. For instance if you happen to support family values, christianity and want to open a delicious chicken🐓 restaurant in Toronto you'll get shouted at, and threatened, and bullied by "singles" of lunatics like what Chik-fil-A experienced in Toronto.🇨🇦 They even went so far as to stage a "die-in"...maybe if they were protesting cholesterol one could sympathize, but have you seen a photo of them... they need to eat a chicken sandwich and please find the sun.🌞 Pale, emaciated and ashen is no way to go through life... those are zombies🧟‍♂️! Talk about unhealthy looking. And what those little worms 🐛don't realize is Chik-fil-A tastes great with beer. Prosit🍻! Besides, "a worm...with very few exceptions... is not a human being."🤡 More lunacy for you and this time from the ivory tower. American University hired a professor to "woke" their professors on how to grade based on their "labor" rather than their writing ability. Obviously, assessing one on their writing ability is racist and promotes "white language supremacy."🤯 Not sure why those hollyweirders paid all that money to get into ho hum schools. They could just pay the 50 grand tuition for American U and never worry about grades at all.  Of course not holding anyone accountable for anything would solve the problem too right?🤔 Of course then there would be no need for schools or universities... hmm, not sure they thought that through. "Whose brain🧠...Abby someone... Abby normal... that's it...abnormal!" What ratards! Good news though... do you know what Oktoberfest and universities have in common? Beer! Und frauleins! Sehr gut! Bier mich!#metoo 

Don't worry kinder this fest lasts two weeks so there's plenty more craziness. Just look at the human toilet bowl🚽 formerly known as California. That's a special kind of lunacy. They don't call it la la land for nothing.🥳🤯🤓🤡 Because of the California lunacy laws encouraging illegal immigrants👽, criminals on the lam🤥, addicts💊 and the homeless🛒 to call Cali home... the Golden State now faces a scheisse storm💩. It's so bad that dogs🐕 are now being trained to clean up after their human... just kidding... they have volunteer humans for that! Crap is crappy💩 but at least it's not against the law in the land out yonder... it's those damn straws for children that suck and will get you life in the pokey.👌 Some enterprising restaurateur should invent a straw that looks like a syringe then California will have to approve them. 💉Actually, there is a "smartphone"📱 app in San Fran called snapcrap🙊 where if you come upon some unclaimed poopoo you can snap send the photo to the 5 member poop patrol 🚔who will be more than happy to come flush the problem. Haha... yeah right. Funny isn't it that humans (not me) don't think twice about picking up some hundescheisse💩 with a plastic bag... but volkscheisse...nein? "Wait master it might be dangerous... you go first." I think I'm having a nachtmare... and I know I'm having another beer🍺. Actually, better bump me up to a schnapps 🍸because the real lunacy is coming. The kind of lunacy that would make the German reichsminister Goebbels happy... the propaganda police better know as the press📰... but actually this is a fest... so no since dwelling on that lunacy... it's time to strike up the oompah band and have fun. And if the looney media wants to be relevant and useful, maybe they can spread their Old Gray Lady Times or the Washington Compost newspaper around the streets of California and potty train those people. The rest of us will go to the fest, drink our fill🍻, use the facilities🚽, enjoy "seven or eight quick ones 😉then out with the boys." Maybe even experiment with a little schwartzbier. Und remember in that case, "it goes without saying that you would have an enormous schwanzschtücker." 🥒Now we better get out of here before they send the angry villagers with pitchforks ⛏after us. Schnell to the the beer halls where believe it or not you can always hear a Diamond💎, just Neil and listen to Sweet Caroline

Where it began, I can't begin to knowing
But then I know it's growing strong
Was in the spring
Then spring became the summer
Who'd have believed you'd come along

Hands, touching hands
Reaching out, touching me, touching you

Sweet Caroline bum bum bum
Good times never seemed so good

Headline Hunting

Banning straws won't stop big government from sucking Antoinette.

Good morning America. It's the Monday after the first week of the NFL which means it's time for the overreactions and adult beverages🍸🍷. Remember, drinking during the game is how we play along... it helps to keep the fan involved, psyched up, insightful and extremely knowledgable about all the plays called and what should have been called🍺. After all, it's not easy becoming a first string armchair quarterback🛋🏈, and just like the players practice, workout, run laps, etc. the sideline savants need reps doing the 12oz curl! It sharpens the brain I'm told. Cheers, 🍻! However, drinking on the first Monday after the games begin is different because for some the dream of a great season has been shattered by just one game😰 so it's time to head straight to the hard stuff🍸. And for others it's just killing time until the Super Bowl because of how just one game went 🥳 so break out the bubbly🍾. The tweeners can just tread water with beer🍺, unless you're a millennial and drink the spiked kool-aid, white claw🍹. I guess you have to if you want to fit in those skinny jeans🚶‍♂️.

 So if you're a Dolphin🐬 fan time to go drown yourself, and if you're a Patriot fan time to go...ugg🥾! Everyone else just relax... it's a long season and it's sports which means it really is reality TV📺 and isn't scripted so just let it play out. Of course hyperbole and over reactions aren't just limited to football season. Just look at some of the headlines lately if you want to see over reactions and insanity. "Vegan🍆 sues neighbor for barbecuing meat🥩 in their own backyard." Apparently, in western Australia, the smell of shrimp on the barbie, or maybe it was Roo🦘, was enough to keep a poor vegan yoga 🧘‍♀️masseuse lady imprisoned in her own home because the smell offended her delicate sensibilities🤭. She also said they did it intentionally knowing the smells would waft across the fence line in a deliberate campaign to irritate her. Sometimes, she stated, they even smoked🚬 in their yard forcing her to stay indoors. Wait! It gets worse. The carnivorous, smoking, insensitive cretins even allowed their heinous offspring(often referred to as children) to play basketball in their driveway🏀. Blimey mate! Thankfully, the judge laughed at the suit and threw it out, while the neighbors scheduled a bbq with thousands of their friends to try and rebuild the relationship. Cheers! Or how about this one? "Wealthy Washington DC suburb wants to ban barking at local dog park."🐕🤫 In upscale Chevy Chase where one percenters call home🏰, a recent decision to turn some empty green space into a leash free pooch playground posits problems for persnickety pissed off people panting for peaceful poodles🐩. Apparently, the sound of a dog bark outside is enough to set some people off 🤬... presumably those who don't need a best friend. Now they want barking dogs banned and even fined🚫. Not sure if the three strike law will apply to multiple offenders, but if so it's off to the dog pound fido🚔! In an effort to reduce tension between the good (dog owners) and the bad (presumably cat people) the board chairman decided it would be a good idea to pay $1300 to a woman with a degree in epidemiology to study the behavior of the dogs and their owners, hmm!🤔 Money well spent💵, because as she reported at a recent meeting, one of these people did allow their dog to use the outdoor facilities on a green space next to the street! WTF! No mention if the police were called or if any fire hydrant was damaged as this was purely academic research, but obviously a problem exists somewhere in this headline grabbing crisis. There's more...a self loathing anti-Israeli Palestinian American, L Sarsourpuss joins self loathing Jewish American communist presidential candidate, Bernie Feels campaign... that's rich! Or, Climate change proven by Dorian... when I thought climate change has nothing to do with weather...unless weather can be construed to prove climate change, huh! Then of course notice the irony in this recent juxtaposition of headlines. "California city bans straws: violators face jail time." Followed by, "Knowingly exposing others to HIV is no longer a felony in California." So in essence they are saying suck at your own risk to both! 🙈🙉🙊 But the one that should be most concerning is a journalist was charged $67,689🧾💰🍺 for a beer that should have been $6.76. Now of course the bar did right by the guy and didn't charge him for the salted peanuts🥜, but still... just kidding... they did offer to refund him the difference which was nice, but apparently the charge went through... so now it will be 10 days until he gets his refund. Of course the real story is in between the lines...how does a journalist get charged nearly 70 large💲... and it goes through?! What's his line of credit💳? How does he have so much in checking? Does he know the Clinton's? Has he ever written a dossier? Hacked a Hollywood phone? Been to Davos? Who says journalism is dead and newspapers are passe? Well it certainly wasn't Joe Jackson. He knew you could find all the answers in the Sunday Papers ...

Mother doesn't go out anymore
Just sits at home and rolls her spastic eyes
But every weekend through the door
Come words of wisdom from the world outside

If you want to know 'bout the bishop and the actress
If you want to know how to be a star
If you want to know 'bout the stains on the mattress
You can read it in the Sunday papers
Sunday papers

Sunday papers, don't ask no questions

Sunday papers, don't get no lies
Sunday papers, don't raise objections
Sunday papers, ain't got no eyes

Hypocritic Oath

Don't go into labor today, it's a holiday Antoinette.

Well America we've rounded the corner and are now heading into Fall🧣. The number of days left that will be hotter than two foxes😻 fornicating in a forest fire are few and apparently we have no reason left to worry about rising sea levels due to global warming...I mean climate change...I mean climate disruption... well we will have disruptions with another hurricane🌪 like we get every year, and the climate is about to change temporarily... going from fall and then to winter, but don't worry climate affirmers... global warming will resume next spring. Cheers 🥂. But it's Monday, so don't labor over that, 😆 anyway... hurricane Dorian notwithstanding... according to former prez, now multi-gazillionaire 💰who once said, "Rising sea levels threaten every coastline. … The science is beyond dispute and the facts are clear. Sea levels are rising. Coastlines are shrinking,”🏝...it is now "safe to go back [near] the water."🦈

 That's because after a lifetime working on the public dime, he has decided to avoid the hassles of making hotel reservations etc every year when he wants to vacay in Martha's Vineyard🍇 with friends and family, so he and the wife purchased a 15$ million ocean front compound to complement their modest 8$ mil DC residence🏰. And since you'll be there often I suspect, "you're gonna need a bigger boat."🛳What's important here is that it's now obvious that whatever directives #44 issued worked. After all, BO knows! Nobody would waste millions of tax payer dollars in what would be characterized as a swamp🐊 would they? 🤔 So obviously the threat of global warming, rising tides, Jurrasic Park redux🦖 are no more and BO and MO, Al G, Leo DC, Bernie Feels, et al don't need to worry about carbon footprints with their multiple homes and frequent private flyer miles. ✈Whew, glad that threat is over. And in case you may have thought I was being sarcastic about anything that may seem hypocritical🤔... anyways, let me tell you a story that is appropriate for Labor Day. I'm all for taking your talents to Martha's Vineyard, Miami, Chappaqua, private Caribbean islands🏖... anywhere you think you can make a buck💵. Turn your name, your ability, your talent, your inventiveness and your entrepreneurial spirit into a livelihood and profit. This is America🇺🇸 and we were built on the work ethic. In fact it's really the 8th sacrament, though in some it may be hard to discern. However, what we don't want is an oligarchy or plutocracy who hypocritically admonish, limit, cajole and force everyone else to toe the line while they laugh all the way to the bank. 👎We're Americans, not sheep🐑. The only way to KAG after our forefathers MAG is to limit government, maintain individual rights, and be self sufficient of government control. It's also a good idea to stop playing the part of victim... that's for soccer players! We're Americans... it's our right to make fun of anyone and everything. That's what democracy means. Everyone is fair game, so enough with the fake victimization, the nazi like pc controls, the phony threats of harmful words and murderous statues, and the walking on egg shells so as not to offend anyone... get offended, laugh it off, offend back then buy a round!🍺 That's how guys have been communicating with each other forever. There's enough hypocrisy with our government officials, TMZ types and social media pontificators that we don't need us real laborers to fall in line. That would be retarded! Yeah I said it! Don't get your panties in a bunch Sally! Yeah #metoo. And we don't need an alphabet soup of contrived identities. You got men (if you don't know I'll tell you how to find out🙈) and you got women (if you don't know I'll show you how to find out😉) what you do and with whom you do it...BFD... but like EVERYONE ELSE you're fair game for being made fun of, or as I like to say, having fun with. Just ask Dave Chappelle if you don't know how to do it... or just observe a couple guys (not afflicted with VD... victimhood disease) getting together after not seeing each other for awhile. It would probably go something like this: "Hey a$$hole how ya been? Screw you and don't touch the jacket... cost more than your house! By the way, how's your wife and my kid? Yeah right, that would mean you'd actually have to grow a pair douche! Good to see you, let's grab a beer." Cheers🍻. See no need to see a therapist, stage a protest, wear black👤 and a mask and attack someone else for your frailties. All you need is sense of humor, a good bartender🍸 and a little gumption to take care of yourself. Leave the cry babies on the pitch⚽️, it's time for blood on the gridiron🏈, tight sweaters👅, and today let's celebrate the labor that has made America great. Put lots of lighter fluid on those coals, get the fire big🔥, then let's char some meat🥩 and drink a few beers🍻. You've worked hard and you deserve it... besides, you only have to make it through 4 days this week. So pop the top, turn the music up🎶, and if you're cooking out near the coast be careful of dangerous Scorpions🦂, they'll Rock you like a Hurricane...

The night is calling, I have to go
The wolf is hungry, he runs the show
He's licking his lips, he's ready to win
On the hunt tonight for love at first sting

Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane (are you ready, baby?)
Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane
Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane (come on, come on, baby)
Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane