Confucius Say...

Good morning Antoinette, 

I'm sure you woke up confused today as to why we are celebrating National Wine Day, when we just had National Wine Drinking Day in February.  Well we live in confusing times. Which presidential candidate to vote for? Which bathroom to use?  The location of the nearest safe space?  And, Frappuccino or Macchiato to name some especially confusing ones. Which is why another "Wine Day" was decreed by the UN Charter, Vatican II, the Geneva Convention, Hallmark and of course the Declaration of Independence! WINE CLEARS UP CONFUSION. In order to gain clarity,  you must drink wine. Here's proof...after polishing off a bottle of chianti at the local watering hole do you care which bathroom you use? Probably don't even care if you sit directly on the seat. Drink a couple bottles on November 8 and you won't care who you vote for, or remember for that matter.  And on Nov 9, after those 2 bottles, you'll know what coffee to get...black, hot and keep it coming. So find a quiet, safe space. Uncork a bottle of your favorite grape and achieve zen like clarity. And since it's Memorial Weekend,  a toast to the fallen would be nice!

Before you ride off into the sunset pilgrim, might add a toast for John Wayne's bday tomorrow. 

One last Confusion:  He who live in glass house, dress in basement!

Oh wait....that's Confucius.  I'm so confused. I need wine. 

May 25, 2016

Healthy Wine

Bonjour Antoinette,

The facts are in, if you want to live a longer, healthier and more amorous life drink wine. As if you needed another reason to pop a cork, the illustrious scientific journal,  "Food and Wine" has concluded after much lab testing (happy hours) that drinking 1-2 14oz glasses of wine* per day reduces aging, heart attacks and heart disease, colon cancer, diabetes, strokes, brain disease, cataracts, social awkwardness. bedroom anxiety and poor golf swings while at the same time increasing life span, the ability to speak and understand foreign languages, libido, mastery of bar trivia and the stock price of Tide, because Tide gets the stains out. Don't let science get in the way of facts. Famed cork popper and manischewitz drinker, Methusala lived to be 969. If you are going to be anti anything,  be antioxidants. Live healthier, look better,  love longer! Buy yourself a better personality in every bottle of your favorite grape. As far as you know this information has been verified by the FDA.

*the correct amount is debated by Winos,  AMA and the Police!

#nevernotwine

May 18, 2016

American history and wine

Good morning Antoinette, 

This week commemorates 3 events instrumental in the creation of the USA and all 3 were because of wine! First, In 1607 when every second son who wasn't getting the farm set sail for the new world,  he had one thought...land to grow grapes, some good pipe tobacco and maybe meet a nice native girl...Jamestown! Everyone knows the English Climate is bollocks for grapes and tobacco, and girls have the unfortunate British trademark dental issues...but one look at Pocahontas and the Virginia countryside...they knew they found home! It was our puritanical brethren up north who rewrote history to make it seem like we came for political, economic and religious freedom...horse hooey...it was the wine. The English were tired of fighting wars with the French for their Bordeaux. So Jamestown marked the beginning of what has become the largest wine drinking country in the world. Virginians swapped wine for tobacco and pemmican, engaged in week long music festivals resulting in more than one "bow and arrow" wedding so to speak (see John Rolfe and Pocahontas) and consequently became the future state of wine making presidents. Nearly 200 years later this week, after low balling Napoleon out of the Louisiana purchase, Jefferson sent Lewis & Clark (guided by Sacagawea*) west to find the best areas for merlot, cabernet and pinot noir...the rest is history! But what good is a Columbia Valley Merlot, California Cab,  or Oregon Pinot if you can't get it to Virginia? So none other than Abe Lincoln (noted Canoe Ridge Expedition merlot man) commissioned the Transcontinental railroad completed this week in 1867. It took awhile and there were a few conflicts along the way**, but Capt. John Smith's dream of a country of wine growers and drinkers has come to fruition...don't let the dreams of our founding fathers go uncelebrated. Fire up the pipe,  tear off a piece of jerky,  and uncork your favorite vino!

*wiki leaks discovered it is actually Sacagawea's soothing voice used on all GPS

**According to Politifact, not a SINGLE conflict occurred on the Frontier when wine was offered beforehand...Custer came empty handed to the PowWow!

Cheers!

May 11, 2016

Cinco de Mayo

Hola Antoinette 

Bitter that even the Irish pubs and their many wine drinkers had a holiday to celebrate,  Mexican Americans realized they also needed to find an excuse for a Fiesta and drinking wine to share with America.  Since there are too many saints to choose from and only one military success, the decision was easy...their May 5th victory over the French. Of course the Battle was more like a soccer match,  (an international friendly as they call them) where not much happened,  and OMD*, the French quickly laid down their arms and reportedly said,  "je pense, donc je suis" which roughly translated means..."why fight when there is wine to drink... we will bring the vino tinto and vino blanco, and you bring the music, nachos,  and piñatas!" So make your Fiesta yuuuuge, get a piñata of your favorite presidential candidate and remember this isn't St Patricks Day,  so no green cards needed! Wine bridges all rivers,  climbs all walls,  and traverses all tunnels. Leave your papers at home,  and celebrate this victory by dancing la cucaracha and guzzling wine like it's tequila on a Tijuana Saturday night. Feliz Cinco de Mayo! Baila!**

*oh mon dieu 

**fyi, dancing is like standing still,  only faster

Also, remember su Madre on Sunday. Nothing says I love you more than champagne,  and nothing says I can't hear you if it's su Madre in law more than a big cabernet. 

It's all in the art of the deal!

Salud 

May 5, 2016