The last straw!

Was the Scarecrow in Wizard of Oz real or just a straw man Antoinette?

If you've ever debated or wondered about the validity and necessity for the Electoral College then look no farther than Santa Barbara California. Lord help us if just the popular vote, legal and illegal🙊, decides the whole country's future. Yikes! That's right, the left coast has done it again, and this time it's the last straw... literally! In a city made up of a large part 1%ers, but also sanctuary to all those seeking a Mediterranean climate to hide from ICE, Police, Voter registrars, and public bathrooms 🚽in Santa Barbara, California, it is now illegal to dispense straws... plastic or paper! In fact each dispensing of an individual straw can get you a 1000$ fine and 6 months in jail. To put in perspective, if a waiter had the misfortune of serving sodas with straws to the Santa Barbara youth soccer league⚽️ end of the year party at Chuck E Cheese, they would go to jail for life...(only because Cali doesn't enforce the death penalty). After taking a straw poll among reasonable people (don't worry, I didn't leave a paper trail or plastic trail for that matter), I've come to the conclusion that banning straws sucks! Except that it doesn't... at least not anymore. 🤔  Just another example of not thinking things through. Has no one on the SB city council thought of the ramifications? What about noise pollution? Just think of how much slurping will be going on. Think of all the messes that will be created when the ice dam in your legal plastic cup breaks spilling its contents all over you or the person next to you because you couldn't drink safely with a straw and lid. This will surely lead to crying, screaming, slippery surfaces, health code violations, bar fights, and unsightly bib wear.  What if it spreads to Hollywood and they want a little candy but they don't have any bills at hand. What then? 🙈😉 I think they may have their priorities mixed up a little. So no jail time for illegally entering the country, illegally voting, public defecation, knowingly transmitting HIV, etc etc... but don't you dare give that kid a straw... not to mention the 9th circuit court may have upheld the 2nd amendment recently (I know! Charleton Heston is rolling over in his grave still clutching his gun), but with the caveat that  shooting spit wads through straws was not protected. Now don't get me wrong, I dislike pollution as much as the next guy and I don't even use straws, but this is a straw man argument except there's no man, and not just because it's California either🙊, but because it's just a fallacy without a bad guy. Of course a common argument by the uneducated, intellectually dim, or politically motivated without any substance, fact, or ethical integrity is to use a straw man argument. It plays well to large crowds of the bell curve ilk... but ultimately doesn't solve anything. People are smarter than California city councils think. If they are aware of a problem they'll fix it... and in the meantime they can listen to me. If you want to solve the world's straw problem, Drink More Wine!🍷 No straw required, and no ice dams to wreak havoc. Finally, here's something worthwhile California gives us...great wine!🥂 More wine for the adults, more sippy cups for the tots🍼, and maybe recycle boxes for straws for the in-betweeners.( maybe the LGBTQXPALIDOCIOUS needs to add a new letter) 🤔 Then maybe Californians can worry about real problems like this year's vintage, what to call the next fastest and furiest movie, and why everyone makes fun of them even though they have so much sun, surf and sand?🤔 Keep the Electoral College, keep drinking California wine, and clean up after yourself without being told. Now let's get stoked on some gnarly old vine zin and some straw free waves dude. It'll be trippindicular man. Where's Jan and Dean, I wanna go to Surf City, I hear it's my kind of place...

They say they never roll the streets up 'cause there's always somethin' goin'
(Surf City, here we come)
You know they're either out surfin' or they got a party growin'
(Surf City, here we come)
Yeah, and there's two swingin' honeys for every guy
And all you gotta do is just wink your eye

And we're goin' to Surf City, gonna have some fun, now

This Dude Abides!

Water is still wet, the pope is still Catholic, and wine still tastes good Antoinette. 

What would we do without experts and scientists and Mr Hand?🤔 I mean how else would we learn that after experimenting on mice, Keanu Reeves, Lindsay Lohan and Snoop Dogg scientists have concluded that continued use of cannabis😯 causes memory loss, unhealthy eating habits 🍕and other reduced brain functions like low history grades. Dude! Like for real? That's a bummer man. Come on, it's not like we all didn't know a Spicoli, or Bill and Ted, or Mary Jane😉 in high school... funny to be around, but not the one you wanted to sit next to on test day🙈.  I hear you out there, "yeah well that's just like your opinion man". Don't worry, as long as you abide you'll be alright. And not that there is necessarily a tie in, but scientists have also determined that after decades of rising IQs, the trend since the 70s is a decline of nearly 7pts per generation, or about 5pts per decade.🤓 Do we really need scientists to prove this to us empirically? I think the anecdotal evidence is plenty. I mean the world is running out of basements, safe spaces and original thoughts faster than SJWs can generate a meme protesting Jesus as a supreme court nominee. (No, SJW is not a Jewish PAC angry at Jesus for changing sides, nor a single Jewish woman looking for a good man with a future🙉).  But wait, there's more news where science and anecdotal evidence align. However, before you get your knickers in a twist (sorry I was watching the British Open this weekend), don't worry, it's not a tumor.  If it was a tumor, you'd just have to terminate it (see what I did there😁) with a steady dose of red wine🍷. That's right...scientists in Rio have discovered that resveratrol laden red wine shrinks many cancerous tumors as well as curing just about every affliction known to mankind, wo-mankind, and the undecided-kind. Besides being healthy, we know anecdotally that it's a beauty aid, IQ enhancer, pairs well with food without causing binging, bridges all divides, adds sophistication to even the dankest basement get together, and is the be all, end all in celebration beverage🍾! There's a reason that the oldest annual sports championship is named after and played for the Claret Jug!🏆 It's a prize worth winning, as well as a prize made to fill with the sweet nectar from Bordeaux... or this year a nice Barolo, because finally Italy has something to Saluti!🇮🇪 Though it was a tough year for Gli Azzurri not making the World Cup⚽️, all they could have won was a trophy misnamed the world cup... cuz there's no cup! Nowhere to put wine to celebrate!🙊 FIFA must be cannabis fans and forgot what cup means. Not to worry, Francisco Molinari brought glory to Italy by being the first Italian winner of a golfing major by winning the British Open🏌️‍♂️. So now time for wining🥂...fill the jug with enough wine for all, and share the love, or as they say in Italian, That's Amore!❤

When a moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie
That's amore
When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine
That's amore!

Lost in Space

Aliens are a space race that aren't in the space race, Antoinette.

I've often written about the vagaries of the English language and how many words have various meanings, or how many words with various meanings sound alike making it difficult for people to understand. Think how hard it must be for Illegal aliens! No I'm not talking about sick birds from other countries🤔😁, or those poor asylum seekers who just want to cut the grass, clean the pool, and take care of Amber Heard's children. I'm talking about real aliens.(And I bet you thought the Space Force was unnecessary). Ha! Little green creatures from outer space...not the space between your ears where fantasy land is created and MySpace got its clientele.  Well I hate to break it to you comic-cons, Jedi masters and Trekkies, but you're gonna need a safe space...according to Oxford University scientists we are alone in the universe and will never meet intelligent life forms!😭 In other words, the universe has a big Hollywood sign on it...it's just a big back lot for fantasy land. But don't worry all you cosplay Captain Kirk and Leia fans...if you want to meet a princess just go to England, or up the road to San Fran for that matter🙊 #imwithher. And if you want to find intelligent life in space...its very simple...you need to plant the field of dreams,  grapes, in outer space and they will come. However, if you don't have light years to travel and you want to find intelligent life without the rocket lag🚀, then drink more wine🍷 and avoid listening to Hollyweirders, rockstars, Instagram models, paid protesters, basement dwellers, anybody with a poster of Che, Facebook ranters and memers, tweeters, drivers of cars pasted in stickers, most politicians, and everyone who thinks hypocrisy is a virtue because they don't see their hypocrisy...this is called cognitive dissonance...and is the black plague of our time. The only known cure is the enlightenment found in a bottle of wine🍾. In vino veritas! And speaking of MySpace and Planet XXX, did you see the photos of Uranus...they are all over the internet! 🙉Just try to visualize. Apparently something big crashed into Uranus a long time ago, which is why it's wobbly now and can be proven by Uranus's 27 moon photos...I thought that crack would crack you up. 🙈 And while we are on Uranus, I was just thinking of another confusing word that came to me this morning...constitutional! 🙊This of course comes from constitution which means many things including health, anatomy, physical condition, composition, charter, laws, and bill of rights. Basically, you want your constitution to be constitutional which is why you drink coffee in the morning and wine at night🚽😁. It's also why you want judges who believe the Constitution is constitutional📃, otherwise the Constitutional Convention would have been a waste of time and Charmin would have lost money. Not to mention all those hours the conventioneers gathered, drinking wine to steel their constitutions and enlighten their brain would be for naught and the world would be back in the Dark Ages. Remember, even though Ben Franklin and the other conventioners were old white guys...he was pretty smart, drank a lot of wine, knew how to save a penny, and showed us the light when he discovered electricity without which...no EDM, light sabers or wired basements...not to mention a 4 page Constitution of brilliance. Time for unity and sanity to return to the universe this week. So pop a cork and drink up as we laugh at funny words, remember why and who M.A.G. and commemorate the anniversary of that wine drinking astronaut who took, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind"🚀🌗... now there's intelligent life in space for you. Believe it...that's real news📰. Remember to avoid the siren call of the witch, avoid deep space (state) darkness and crashing on the rocks with Electric Lights, and listen to the Orchestra instead...
Hey woman, you got the blues
Cos' you ain't got no one else to use
There's an open road that leads nowhere
So just make some miles
Between here and there...
Ha Ha woman it's a crying shame
But you ain't got nobody else to blame

Evil woman, evil woman, evil woman, evil woman

Don't make this your Waterloo!

A win without wine misses the e Antoinette!

France wins! France wins! 🗼Well there's a line you don't hear too often. Cheers!😉🥂 But it's true. Le Bleu⚽️ has not raised the white flag yet🏳, and they have advanced to the semi-finals of the World Cup🏆 where they will face the inventors of waffles🇧🇪, the world's biggest beer drinkers🍺, and the originators of a language that sounds like something from the bottom of your throat🤔. Luckily, they have avoided their arch nemesis🇩🇪, the inventors of Frankfurters🌭, blitzkriegs and the official vehicle of hippies✌💝. Well bon chance frogs🐸. The last time you got this far in Russia🇷🇺, it didn't end very well and "the small part of the world" got a complex. 😉 Napoleon did have his good points though. He was good at coding😁, he put a Belgian town on the map and into English lexicon, and he brought some stability to France after they ran out of Bourbons!(at least temporarily)Now I know a lot of Frenchies didn't like the Bourbon dynasty👑, and Louis XVI and Marie in particular, but I don't know...He helped America 🇺🇸against the Limey's in our Revolution and she always offered cake🎂 to the Parisians.  Oh well, maybe it was just time for a change, and out of it some good did come. In fact this week on July 14, the French celebrate the changes. Prison reform began with the storming of the Bastille, Bourbons were given up (besides Kentucky did them better), and the French could now focus on what they do best. French fries! French fries!🍟 JK😁...French wines! French wines! Now there's a line you could never hear often enough.🍷That's right... do what you do best France... make great wines🍾. Leave the 40 hour work week and fighting to the rest of the world and concentrate on making wine for those of us who need TGIF happy hours, and the spoils of war. No worries, we'll protect you💪. And bon chance to Le Bleu, and the other complex sufferers who are left kicking and screaming🏃‍♂️⚽️😭. Word of advice FIFA, maybe you should have let a thinking man like Rodin design the cup, or Stanley, or better yet Ovechkin🏒...someone who knows if there's no place to put the wine, you can't drink, so it's not a cup, OMD!(oh mon dieu). Priorities! Ok, well it's your week France, so viva la France, and if you win celebrate like your name is Ricky Martin, cuz your life will be crazy...

She never drinks the water
And makes you order
French champagne
Once you've had a taste of her
You'll never be the same
Yeah, she'll make you go insane

Upside inside out
She's livin' la vida loca
She'll push and pull you down
Livin' la vida loca

Look Who Made America Great

Some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue Antoinette. 

Well America, it's July 2  which means the dog days of summer are upon us and the weather is hot. It also means once upon a time a few brave souls decided overbearing governments, who overtaxed, over-lorded, and just plain over-done-it were passe! This Greatest Generation knew what all but the doltest of the dolts knew that the secret to the Good Life, Liberty and Pursuits of Happiness lie in protecting Individual Liberty at all costs. These are the guys and gals who MAG! They got noted winemaker/wordsmith Jefferson to put it in writing📝 and 2 days later the greatest political experiment in history began🇺🇸! What better occasion to uncork a great bottle of wine🍾, light off some bottle rockets🎆, and let out a giant yeehaa could there be than that?  Of course we are a work in progress just like fine wine🍷, but through trial and error we will progress as we move forward and get to that 100 point vintage as long as we avoid the siren call of big government, fake news, and the PC fascist👎. We're America! We take old ideas and make them better....i.e. soccer became football🏈, berets became cowboy hats🤠, and high tea became happy hour🍻. Of course we constantly invent brilliant new ideas as well, i.e. drive thru wine stores, beer pong and lawn darts🙈. Fore! I know, I know the whole rest of the world plays soccer⚽️... to which I say exactly! That's why we moved...I mean it's a nice activity and all, and the World Cup is a justifiable reason to drink wine on weekday mornings 🥂👍(Americans already invented the alcoholic brunch for the weekend). It's also good that there's this game of soccer, because it's the perfect game for the falsely victimized. Otherwise they wouldn't know how to cry over nothing and the only outdoor activity they would have is ultimate frisbee, hacky sack, and protesting the horribly racist author of Little House on the Prairie (aka the Midwestern Mein Kampf), or triggering statues🗿 like those of the founding fathers of the greatest country the world has ever known. (Without whom btw there would be no basements with WiFi...put that in your vape and smoke it). I actually like the World Cup for reasons besides drinking. It gives me reason to learn new words in new tongues... like cheers in 32 countries! But I can't tell if they are modeling behavior from little kids or for little kids...I mean they raise their hand for everything which is nice 🙋‍♂️(I only raise mine when I want more wine), but their temper tantrums 😭and fake owies🤕🤥 would make the toddlers and the triggered envious! Oh well, I guess that's the brave new world...gulp! Well I am curious to see who wins the Cup🏆, who gets the Golden Boot👟, and who will get the Academy Award for Best Dramatic Emotional Performance👑... there might be no crying in baseball, but in soccer it's an art. And by the way, not for nothing but while a Frenchman👨‍🎨 may have invented the bikini this week in 1946, merci, it took an Austrian immigrant to the USA, who escaped real life Nazis, to improve(Americanize) upon it and invent the Topless Bikini!😁🙈.GBA, Reard, Gernreich, and Hyland for the visuals👙...stay tuned!

It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini
That she wore for the first time today.
An itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini
So in the locker she wanted to stay.
Two, three, four, stick around we'll tell you more!