A Dust Bowl Sized Thirst

Vacances d'été heureux Antoinette, 

Sadly summer is drawing to a close. But fortunately, there is still one more 3 day weekend before you have to put away the bathing suit, white clothes and seersucker while celebrating the working man with one last weekend blowout. Whether it's a last jaunt to the beach, town parade or backyard bbq don't tempt the wrath of grapes...stock up on plenty of your favorite varietal and celebrate the work ethic of people like Tom Joad, summer, labor day sales and most importantly...the return of college football! It's been a long hot summer, and there is plenty of injustice in the world but at least we don't have a dust bowl (what if they had climate alarmist in the '30s, that would have been depressing), 25% unemployment and most importantly prohibition. So no need for the Okies to head off to California "sooner" than later to teach them how to farm and to stamp out that "bad vintage" where the grapes of wrath were stored...now if you get a corked bottle you can just exchange it for free...you don't have to be high falutin', any general laborer will get the same quality service. Like the Joad family, the best wine comes from the grape that is resilient and perseveres better than others. Time to uncork that special bottle and celebrate resilience, hard work, free day care (if they are in public schools that is) and Louis Rèard...summer wouldn't be summer without him! Merci and Boomer Sooner.

A.M. to P.M.

Back to School

Rise and Shine Antoinette,

Well kiddies...it's that time of year.  Back to School! Of course we all know of the typical back to school sales on notebooks, backpacks, clothes, old tests and a Power Rangers lunch box...but don't forget about the parents. Whether you're sending your little one off for the first time and need to drown your and their sorrows, or shedding tears over college tuition and an empty nest....wine is the answer. The weather will be cooling with the school year and that's a good time to transition to heavier reds while explaining how it was back in your day, and why you can't figure out this new math, or worse, dealing with little Johnny's behaviour problems in class. Just tell the teacher you had him all summer and never called her, now it's her turn. Then pour yourself a nice Zinfandel, hunker down in the lazyboy, and count your blessings that you don't have to make dioramas, write book reports based on cliff notes because there was no movie version, or take pop quizzes when you don't get the seat next to the smart kid! No... you're an adult now...and can legally drink wine and make up lies about how earnest a student you were, or how you would help them with their homework (as if) but think it's a more valuable learning experience if they do it themselves. Besides, they can Google as well as you! Btw what is the definition of is? Who cares... instead daydream of your glory days on the field, high school dances or band camp, restock your wine rack after sending your college kid back (the one who is trying to cram 4 years of college into 6) and pour yourself another glass of wine, maybe with a big slice of American Pie!

Be true to your school.

Sent from my T-Mobile 4G LTE Device

Snake Oil Salesman

Hay Miercoles Antoinette!

America, stop the Whine! Enough of identity politics and silly acronyms.  This is America...we aren't a salad bowl always keeping to our carrot or cucumber identity, that's rabbit food.  We are a mixing bowl where ingredients stick together like cake and donuts...you know...good stuff. And nothing goes better with chocolate cake or a glazed donut than a glass of wine. So forget about your whining community and join WLM* It's the only acronym that's all inclusive (except the under 21's, and wine deafens you to their whine...remembers kids, do as I say not as I do). So whether you're BLM, or MADD, or DAMM**, or the NFL, MLB, NCAA, IOC or LGBTXPalidocious...check your victimhood at the door, step up to the bar/counter and order yourself the Elixir of Unity, the Big Tent Safe Space for all, the Genie in the Bottle that will make all your wishes come true as far as you know...Wine! Support the Red, White and Blue with a Red, White or Sparkling and overcome your insecurities, need for safe spaces, the Zika virus, STD'S, Back to School sales, synchronized swimming and the dog days of summer. Wine...making friends out of enemies for millennia, and the only FDA licensed product guaranteed to make a 10 out of any person in just one bottle. Make the whole world beautiful...drink wine til they're cute. 

*Winos Lives Matter

**Drunks Against Mad Mothers

Wine is the official P.E.D of the 2016 Rio Olympics(just ask the Japanese Pole Vaulter)

AMF

Wine Olympics

Kalimera Antoinette

Now that we are in the midst of the Olympiad it's time to consider the close relationship between the Olympian spirit and wine. The original games were held at the foot of Mt Olympus, home of the Gods including most importantly the last of the 12 Olympians... Dionysius...God of Wine. Now Zeus and the boys could pull up a rock, drink a jug of retsina wine and snack on stuffed grape leaves and cheetos while jeering their opponents, placing bets, making fun of the halftime show, monitoring their fantasy teams and arguing over whether or not the Spartans were using P.E.D.s. Well the Greeks figured out that wine is the only reliable performance enhancer and legal as long as you don't drive after taking it, Michael Phelps. In fact wine is a much better performance enhancer after a win as part of the celebration. Otherwise the synchronized diving event would become the belly flop contest, and archery might lead to WWIII. Dump the Gatorade on the head of the winners and drink the champagne. It revitalizes the body and is a great P.E.D. for the horizontal mambo. And in the spirit of teamwork, if you really want to make that Bloody Mary taste good tomorrow, have to load up on the wine tonight. That's what teammates do...help each other out. So raise your glass and toast our athletes... Phelps, Lidecky, the gymnastics team and Lilly King for giving those Spartans (Russians) the business. Apparently the message from Rocky IV didn't register when noted wine connoisseur Rocky Balboa told Drago...steroids got nothing on a Columbia Valley Merlot. Then proceeded to "break him" in the ring and end the cold war single handedly with a post fight speech... Rocky: "During this fight, I've seen a lot of changing, in the way you feel about me, and in the way I feel about you. In here, there were two guys killing each other, but I guess that's better than twenty million. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that if I can change, and you can change, everybody can change!" Who would have thought we'd have to go back to Sly Stallone to find an eloquent political voice! If only Kennedy had popped a cork with Kruschev and told him that we could have bypassed the Berlin Wall and Cuban missile crises, avoided East German judges and the Soviets stealing our '72 basketball gold and no cold war! Give peace a chance, compete on the field then drink wine and thank the Greeks for 24/7 sports!

Next time you get grief for laying around all weekend watching sports, drinking wine, and eating chicken wings...just remind them of the debt civilization owes the Greeks and their wisdom. 

Yamas!

Rock and a Hard Place

To the Durango Kid,  Antoinette

This political season has most of us feeling like we want to jump out of a plane without a parachute....but don't (that's just a figure of speech unless you're Luke Aikens). Always have a safety net,  and for those of us who prefer to stay on the ground...that net is wine! So when you are overwhelmed by hopelessness living in this Animal House, or feel stuck between a rock and a hard place,  don't give in...take a lesson from cabernet...turn a negative into a positive...and remember the best wine comes from the grapes that struggle the most but persevere. They have the best character and most intense flavor...like the grape, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and brother after this election cycle nobody still standing will be girly men.(I wonder which bathroom they use) So when this political season is driving you bonkers, and your Facebook page is filled with rants right and left from Wikipedia intellectuals, don't commit sepeku, or worse...unfriend everyone...instead, uncork an Alexander Valley Cabernet. Find your solace in a wine that grew up between a rock and hard place and achieved perfection. When the going gets tough, the tough get going to the nearest refreshment stand and restock their wine supplies. Whatever the outcome of the elections are...don't despair,  go out and win one for the Gipper, and remember...win or lose, we booze. Whether your glass is always half empty, or always half full... there's still room for more wine. Top it off and soon you'll feel like tempered steel. Strong enough to survive any election, bad cliches, and stolen movie lines. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? No! Because it's not over until the fat lady sings. So you can do what you want, but I'm not going to sit around here and listen to you bad mouth the U.S.of A! Gentlemen, I'm going to the wine store. 

August 3, 2016

We've all been here!