Monday, Monday

And they ask me why I drink Antoinette,

A Monday at work in August reminds us all that life can be unpleasant and a struggle😩. A Monday at work in August after vacation should be banned😭. Too much for the psyche and personal well being. In fact it's a health issue🤕. Instead of waking up and catching a few gnarly waves before breakfast🏄‍♂️, you wake up and have to listen to traffic reports, nut job gamers who can't separate reality from virtual, hurricanes, miffed Canadians, and the death of some prominent Americans.😐 Pretty legitimate reasons to think of your glass as half empty. But I can fix that... my solution is that I'm going to throw my hat in the ring and run for high office. When I win I'm going to pass an edict that the Monday after vacation, Super Bowl Sunday🏈, New Year's Day and Christmas Days 🎅that fall on Sunday, Mother's and Father's Day, Rosè all Day, and any other Sunday that's good, bad or indifferent will be a paid day off to adjust to the week... don't worry, we will get Bernie to pay for it🙊. Maybe I'll even run on a 3rd party unifying ticket that will be called the Wine Party🍷... the perfect antidote to the Monday whine!🙉 Then, not only will America be great, we will be civil again, #MACA! And speaking of waves🤔, a physicist student and 3 classmates in Lausanne, Switzerland walk into a bar talking about what else?... wave dynamics. Now all of us wine aficionados know that swirling the wine in the glass helps the wine open, and makes us look very sophisticated and knowledgeable (whether or not to also extend the pinky is a personal choice). And I'm not telling you anything you don't know when I say this swirling action creates a rotating gravity wave in the direction of the swirling force being applied, churning up the liquid in the process and oxygenating the wine...That's just oenodynamics 101🤓. But what I didn't know is you can get your Doctorate by researching the relationship of glass size, swirl size, amount poured, etc. If they would give credit for non supervised fieldwork, I'd have a Doctorate of Doctorates. You'd have to call me Dr. Doctor😎...I'd  be right up there with Dr. Seuss🤗, Dr. J🏀, Dr. Dolittle🐒, Dr. Who🤔 and Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show🎶. Everyone would be asking me, "What's up..."😉🐰🥕. SMH🙈. Well I leave it up to you America to decide how much room to leave in your glass and how much swirling you want to do, just remember everything happens for a Riesling!😁 And a good "Riesling" to drink today is to salute Aretha, Neil Simon and Sen. John McCain who had faith in, and personified American exceptionalism! 3 Americans who used their voice, their wit, and their public service to show why America is great...despite Mondays. If you don't believe me ask your Mamas and your Papas...

Every other day, every other day
Every other day of the week is fine, yeah
But whenever Monday comes, but whenever Monday comes
A-you can find me cryin´ all of the time

Monday, Monday, can´t trust that day
Monday, Monday, it just turns out that way
Oh Monday, Monday, won´t go away
Monday, Monday, it´s here to stay
Oh Monday, Monday

Life's a Beach

Time to catch some righteous waves Antoinette,

Well boys and girls, summer is drawing to a close. Kids are heading back to school👩‍🏫. Days are getting shorter as we distance ourselves from the vernal equinox, and before you know it Labor Day will be here and we'll have to shelve our white clothes as well as the white wine.  But don't let this sadden you. It's not cause to despair or be pessimistic because your wine glass is half empty. Be optimistic... because your wine glass is half full and there's still room for more wine. Be thankful that it's still warm outside. Count your blessings that football season is at hand. And be grateful if you're lucky enough to be like me... on vacation at the beach!😁🏖 Is it just me or is vacation drinking the best drinking? 🤔It's also guilt free... no clocks⏰, no diets🍕, no work tomorrow and no justifications needed.  Just sun, surf and sand, and maybe a little SPF of your choosing so you'll be slow roasted♨️.  The beach life allows you to escape inane news, self important commentary, ridiculous protests, paid protesters, disciples of hate, political prevaricators, Trumped up exaggerations, nuclear bomb wielding dictators, hashtag warriors and puffed up pontifications of selectively outraged virtue signalers. The only thing that matters is hanging ten🏄‍♂️, making birdies🏌️‍♂️, and how to hide my wine 🍷from overzealous lifeguards. Beach life makes you realize all the rest is just over blown drivel, and if it's not... well that's why there's wine at home as well. Wine and the beach are like America🇺🇸. They take boring things and bad things and make them better. For instance we took soccer and made it into Football🏈; don't like what's happening in the world, escape to the beach or a bottle of Rosè... you and your perspective will get rosier! Besides, Iran and Lil Kim Chee in North Korea don't need nuclear weapons to take out half of America, they just need warheads loaded with gluten and statues of Silent Sam🗿. And those Antifa-fa👺 warriors and other useful idiots 🤡who managed to remain upright could be confined to their basement without WiFi for 2 weeks for breaking curfew.  Sorry kid, Life's a Beach...Beatch! Just kidding... I'm sure that for every statue removed, millions of lives are better🤣... at least the shrill shrieks should lessen🙉... cheers🥂! Besides, I'm on vacay... where you can drink wine all day and everybody is civil and nice... so be nice and remember, you get more flies with honey, but you get more honeys by being fly😉... just ask your Offspring...

So don't debate, a player straight
You know he really doesn't get it anyway
He's gonna play the field, and keep it real
For you no way, for you no way
So if you don't rate, just overcompensate
At least you'll know you can always go on Ricki Lake
The world needs wannabe's
So do that brand new thing

Give it to me baby
Give it to me baby
Give it to me baby
And all the girls say I'm pretty fly (for a white guy)

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

All you need is wine and like 2 or 3 good friends Antoinette.

If you're well versed in Hegelian thought(and who isn't😦) then you understand the dialectic theory of history. Basically it's an evolutionary idea that starts with a Thesis to Antithesis to Synthesis which then becomes a new Thesis...repeat. Now of course the problems come when the Arc of the Pendulum swings back and forth to the extremes, while the good times come in the middle...at the Synthesis. Solution: How about keeping things in the middle...perfect! And how do you keep them there? That's the easy part...that's where you keep the wine!🍷 People will never all agree on things, nor see the world the same... that's why one party systems don't work, and why one varietal of wine won't do the trick👎. And who wants to live in a redundant world full of redundancy... that would be like that horror movie, what was it called? Oh yeah...Apple Store 10... 😱and counting. 🐑Baaaaaaaaaaaaa... get it?🤔 So when you have "meetings" of extreme minded nimrods like the 9 members that make up the alt right🤡 squaring off with the few hundred alt left wackos👺 and exacerbated by the few thousand members of the press and twittersphere😈 🙈 where success is measured in ratings and likes👍... don't call 911 just leave wine in the middle...and include all varieties!🍾 This now becomes the Synthesis...historically better known as the pub and where most of us are! Where you can drink your fill, and if you disagree on sports, politics, or the first go at that special someone at the end of the bar... you'll just agree to disagree...and buy another round.🍻 Democracy is messy...it's the worst form of government, except for all the others. If you want consensus, give all the power to the government and see what happens to your Twitter rights and hyphenated identities🙊. Freedom rests in the individual and availability of choices as in wine. Besides, evolutionary psychologists have discovered the secret to humanity's success is [wine]...(they said alcohol but that's only because they are being pc and inclusive). Remember, Jesus didn't turn water into fireballs for his first miracle!  Humans also have the genetic ability to break down alcohol🍸...Benjamin Franklin's proof that God loves us...and didn't give it to elephants 🐘because that would be a big drinking problem (dad joke)which is why they can't hold their liquor and why we get to see drunken elephant videos on Chivetv. The reason wine and other alcohol is so important is its relation to friendship building. Man is a social animal and it's proven that alcohol releases positive endorphins that make us feel better and help develop close friendships. People that drink and have close friends are not only happier, they live longer, and are less likely to develop dementia. Ironically, other activities that release these good endorphins along with alcohol are laughing, singing, and dancing. I think we all know this guy...now you know why there are so many Karaoke bars🙉🎤. So I think it's time that Mr Thesis met Ms Antithesis at the local bar, shared a bottle of red, a bottle of white... and made good use of the Synthesizer📻🎶... maybe sing a song together...how about some Aretha, and show A LITTLE...

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Find out what it means to me
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Take care, TCB
Oh (sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me)
A little respect (sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me)
Whoa, babe (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)
I get tired (just a little bit)
Keep on tryin' (just a little bit)
You're runnin' out of fools (just a little bit)
And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit)
(Re, re, re, re) when you come home
(Re, re, re ,re) 'spect
Or you might walk in (respect, just a little bit)
And find out I'm gone (just a little bit)
I got to have (just a little bit)
A little respect (just a little bit)

The Dog Days of Summer

If the heat makes you whine then you know it's time to wine Antoinette.

Well people we are now in the midst of the Dog Days of Summer, and I think you know what that means. For those of us north of the equator it means global warming🔥 has been going on annually since at least Egyptian times. It also means we are smack dab in the middle of the heliacal rising of the dog star Sirius☄which signals  the coming of heat, drought, thunderstorms, lethargy, fever, mad dogs, short tempers and a time when according to Greek legend..."women are at their foulest and men are weak in head and knee." Wait, it gets worse. The Romans thought the Dog Days were so bad that they advised men to "abstain all this time from women"🙉 because it's a time when "the Sea boiled, the Wine turned sour, Dogs grew mad...burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies[frenzies]". Now that's hot! If you don't believe me just ask Robin Williams how hot it is, "It's hot. Damn hot! Real hot! Hottest things is my shorts. I could cook things in it🍳. A little crotch pot cooking."🙈  Well we certainly can't have this. Abstinence from sour wine and foul women might sound reasonable, but abstinence from wine and women should never be the answer to a question🙊... the closest thing might be, "not now, we're landing." 🛬Cheers!🥂 Otherwise, what would be the point. Well the good news is I have the solution... chilled wine and lots of it! 🍷Of course this might be considered what psychologists call motivated reasoning. Which can be a bad thing. No doubt it's what fuels the latest "ism", radical infantilism😭, where self perceived victims need protection from every imagined threat, statue🗿, name, long dead historical figure, joke, tweet, bogeyman, etc and respond in hysterical hyperbolic fashion...I guess it's the dog days of summer year round for these types. The difference between their “motivated reasoning" and mine is theirs is to convince themselves or remain convinced of what they want to believe by seeking out agreeable information while avoiding, ignoring, devalueing, forgetting, arguing  and crying about information that contradicts their beliefs. In other words they want to live their life in an echo chamber. Now that's no way to live. My motivated reasoning is the opposite...it's about unity and togetherness... especially in a heat wave when tempers flare and life gets sticky. Let's get some kumbaya up in here and bring people and wine together.👫 Nobody fights when their pinky is extended🤙, and wine drinkers always use their inside voice.  Remember, we have a couple distinct advantages over the Egyptians, Greeks and Romans... refrigeration and air conditioning! Booya! Chill the wine, chill your mood and act chill in front of your lady friend by opening a bottle of Dom Perignon '53... and remember,  "there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit."🍾 Keep the summer heat between the sheets🛏, find someplace cool to relax🏖, and have plenty of properly stored and chilled wine to ride out the Dog Days...(do you think if dogs had opposable thumbs they'd tweet about the racism inherent in "Dog Days"🐶? How did cats get off the hook? Did that sound catty? 🐺Oh!)  Time to lessen the rancor.  All you have to do is uncork the vino, gather up the Gang, and stay Kool because otherwise...
Oh it's too hot (too hot)
Too hot, lady (too hot)
Gotta run for shelter
Gotta run for shade
It's too hot (too hot)
Too hot, lady (too hot)
Gotta cool this anger
From this mess that we've made