Save Ferris!

Be careful if you follow the masses, sometimes the M is silent Antoinette

Mueller? Mueller? Mueller? Anyone?  Um, well in case you haven't heard he's called in sick today...well maybe not exactly sick but he has decided he needs a day, week, forever to find out what the bottom of his wine/whiskey glass🍷 looks like after a couple years working on an Assigned Essay demanded by his "teachers." 📝You know the ones who fulfill the adage, "... those who can't... teach, 👩‍🏫or in this case get elected to Congress." 🙈 We all had that teacher who just assigned busy work to needlessly waste time so they didn't have to show how much they didn't know🤓...but boy would they grade hard. Apparently, in Mr. Mueller's case, his conclusion didn't match up with the rubric of the predetermined course set out by his assigners, and rather than face the animosity and shrill rants from those who would "grade" him🤡,  he's decided he's done. In fact, I have it on good authority, the same anonymous "authority" who presumably works for CNN, Herr Goebbels, whose best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows someone who's going with a girl who saw Mueller passed out at The Monocle last night.🙊 So I guess it's pretty serious. And in case you're part ostrich with your head in the sand and haven't heard the news, Mueller finally turned his report in after 2 years and gazillions of dollars💲 spent! Not to mention sidetracking the Justice Department, FBI and the dimwits on the Hill masquerading as representatives who because they didn't like the results of 2016 decided to take their clown show and the American public down the rabbit 🐇hole of CREATING "what happened" instead of recognizing their fault in what actually happened...hint: start by just being pro American! 🇺🇸MAGA! And now that once again what they wanted to happen didn't happen, it's time for the happening...#imwithered. What? 🤯In other words, keep after it until you get an answer you like. It's not like you have a job to do, or real issues to handle.😖 It's way more important to stymie, obfuscate, waste, deflect, stall, and undermine our democratically elected governments mandate to govern than to actually do something constructive.💩 Wow, I do need a drink.🍸 And where's that drain for the swamp again?🐍

Of course the real collusion is between our unhappy elected officials, unhappy deep state "operatives," and unhappy MSM💩! Let me fill you in because this is a teachable moment. In 2017, the Democratic members of the House of Representatives, in an effort to exacerbate the effects of the... anyone? Anyone?... The Great Russian Collusion Delusion, forced through the... anyone? Anyone?... The Let's Undermine the President Mandate! The "It's Not Fair What Happened Happened" Investigation! Which... anyone? Raised or lowered?... Raised false hopes and delusional conspiracies in an effort to turn the Federal Government into an undemocratic, "Democratically" mandated government of dunces, do-nothings, charlatans, gangsters, and grandstanders.🤥 Did it work? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States, at least for the time being, escaped TDS, though several politicians and the MSM sank into the Great Depression😢 and vowed to never let it end because that's why they were elected! Huh? Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before? The "Laugher" curve😂. Anyone know what this says? It says at this point of the "Happening" no matter what is said, proven, uncovered, etc, if it doesn't support the facts that we the delusional want them to be, then all other conclusions will be disavowed until we get what we want by rigging future elections with 16 year olds, felons, and illegal immigrants.🤫 🤔 Exactly the same amount of revenge as this point necessitates!😡 This is very controversial. Does anyone know what Vice President Pence calls this in 2019? Anyone? Something d-o-o Collusion. "Voodoo" Delusion Collusion. Of course non delusional Americans outside the swamp already knew this! However, the swamp rats whom, besides the governing jackasses, include those from where Light goes to die in Darkness, the Old Gray Lady and others (yeah #metoo)  don't realize because of their cognitive dissonance that for the rest of us it's like, "watching this slow-motion train wreck of a self-absorbed, hopelessly biased media beclowning themselves...and the... politicians with whom they share secrets, lies, and tactics in furtherance of their mutual ideological objectives...!" ⚖ This is the intersection of the "Laugher Curve" and the Bell Curve. The whole kerfuffle has just been a needless waste of time⌛, effort🏋️‍♂️ and money💵. The 2016 election taught countless journalists, pundits and politicians nothing except the only thing that matters is political victory even at the cost of American benefit. Their confirmation bias and groupthink have only been reinforced, despite being proven so spectacularly wrong and shocking to their system with the last presidential election. Oh well, what do you do when this is the case? Well first you might want to choose your news and politicians more carefully. The Wall Street Journal is edited for those who run the world; the Washington Post is edited for those who think they run the world; the Old Gray Lady is edited for those who think they should run the world; the MSM is edited for those who live in basements and play Pokemon Go, and this Blog is edited for those who like to drink good wine, good whiskey and good beer...and let me be Frank, knows only one axiom and that is no one should want to live in a world where Sinatra isn't considered cool and If you wanna be right...do it My Way. You choose! Right now I feel a warm breeze picking up and... 

The Summer Wind came blowin' in from across the sea
It lingered there, to touch your hair and walk with me
All summer long we sang a song and then we strolled that golden sand
Two sweethearts and the summer wind...

For what is man, what has he got?

If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows 
And did it my way

Madder than a March Hare!

Spring is sprung so let the pollinating begun Antoinette. 

Let the madness begin! Well to be truthful, there's been a lot of crazy already happening this year and not just in the swamp🐸... though that is a special kind of madness. Like those that "Feel the Bern" and want to fix government corruption by drastically increasing its size and control over our lives. Huh?🤔 Or the freshman congresswoman badly in need of a makeover and dental reduction 🐗who wants to go shopping with the public money...in economic terms that's known as a Neiman Marxist! 😂 No, I'm talking about a different kind of madness... the kind that returns every spring and reflects the pent up energy of winter hibernation, and promise of longer days, warmer temps and the potential "matchups" for those still standing and going on in the Big Dance🕺💃 🏀and those getting prone and doing the horizontal mambo🛏💋💥🙈! So now that the March winds are blowing and God (without the help of carbon and cow farts🐮) is turning up the heat, it's about to get crazy hot up in here☀️! Which means we are in that transition period of switching from adult beverages meant to warm you up🍸, towards those that cool you off🍹. In other words...time to go from warming up by the fire with that special someone and a hot toddy🥃 to cooling off with a refreshing beverage 🍺after seeing a hot totty in her warm weather apparel (just think Bennie Hill). Remind me again who's against global warming? 👙Yeah #metoo. Time to take this party outside!

Anyway, we officially kick off spring and madness this week. The vernal equinox 🌓will take place in the midst of the first day of March Madness🏀...and teams and brackets will be vying for bragging rights😜 and payoffs💵. A dream come true for some and a nightmare for others, just remember sports adage #1...win or lose you booze!🍾 It's also a good time to reflect back on the innocence that the college experience used to connote🤓 before all these unseemly payoffs, cheating and questionable admissions practices by the elite for the elite.🤑 You know the good ol days, when the only way underachievers could get into college was either Daddy paid for a new library🏛, you had a 40" vertical⛹️‍♂️, or your mom, Ms Gump, had a "meeting" with Dean Wormer😘! Speaking of good and evil, I know I don't have to tell you, but the first day of spring also marks Nowruz, otherwise known as New Year's Day for all you non Zoroastrians out there. The day when the sun takes daylight and warmth back from old man winter☃️ and the zest for life is renewed...and by zest I mean the "madder than a March Hare" kind of zest😜 which has nothing to do with anger, and little to do with crazy except in the sense of..."hey Bugs, you see that little Jenny over there? I'm crazy for that cottontail!" (That's known as the rabbit hole of double entendres... get it ?) 🙈🙉🙊🐇 The statement, breed like rabbits, may be a stereotype and species profiling, but it didn't come from nothing! 🙉Now the question is how do I get out of this rabbit hole! Guess I'll go ask Alice👯‍♀️. Besides, bunnies will be more important in the center of my April issue! You'll just have to wait and see how that folds out. I mean unfolds. You know... the Easter issue! But I digress, meanwhile back at the ranch, (that's known as a deplorable segue) the Zoroastrians saw all life as a battle between good😇 and evil 👹overseen by the divine creator🗿... he doesn't throw flags, call fouls and he doesn't need instant replay⚖...but he will smite any unruly behavior or protests🗡, so if you kneel... it better be in earnest! This is also a good time to take advantage of the 4th New Year's🎉 of the year at least for us Americans. We've had regular, extra Orthodox, Asian and now Zoroastrian... meaning we should be getting pretty good at this resolution stuff by now. And I think it's important that what we resolve should be beneficial, helpful and healthy. And I've always said everything in life that makes you stronger and smarter is good, and weaker and dumber is bad. So my resolutions are to drink more Guinness🍺 because it's healthy and tastes great, drink more liquor🍸 because when I do my flirty game is strong, i.e. "Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?" Drink more wine because when I drink wine I know things🍷 and finally enjoy good cigars because that's beneficial to cigar makers and helpful in stress reduction. So be resolute in your resolve to keep your resolutions! And now that I know things I think it's time to fill out my bracket. In fact, maybe I still got a little luck of the Irish🇨🇮 leftover.... maybe I should find a card game♠️♥️ and try my luck. I'll just ask Kenny... he's The Gambler

For a taste of your whiskey
I'll give you some advice...

Every gambler knows
That the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away
And knowin' what to keep
'Cause every hand's a winner
And every hand's a loser
And the best that you can hope for is to die
in your sleep...

You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run
You never count your money
When you're sittin' at the table
There'll be time enough for countin'
When the dealin's done

Hammertime

What's a good rhyme for Nantucket Antoinette? 

Well boys, girls and the confused,♀️♂️❓  you might be feeling a little tired today. 😴Yawn!! Of course we love the return of DST and the extra hour of sunshine and heat🌞...when it finally gets here that is...but there is a period of adjustment for many from losing that hour of beauty rest.👹 Not to worry though because some things are in your favor this week. First of all today is National Napping Day so go ahead and lay your head down for a quickie. Just make sure to wipe up the drool. 🤤Then of course 5:00 gets here earlier as far as your drinking bio-rhythms know, so reward your liver and kidneys with something good.🍸 And more importantly today is also National Worship of Tools Day. 🛠Though some of you may be asking "what if I only have one tool?"🔨 If that's the case remember, it's still very important to worship and take care of your tool even if you're singular. After all, you don't want that thing to get rusty. Just keep it oiled up and you should be fine. Now some of you are probably saying "...but I don't even have a tool," which in that case it's important to do one of two things. First, be prepared in case you do get a tool to have a well oiled place to put it🙈...commonly referred to as a toolbox.🧰 Second, it's important to know where to get tools when you need them... just remember to get the appropriate tool! Every tool has a place, and there's a place for every tool. Some tools you can get at the Home Depot or Ace Hardware depending on your needs. Just look for the appropriate aisle. Or perhaps you can just head over to Ace's place🏡... I'm sure he'll be glad to see you. Apparently, he's helpful and friendly and he has the hardware🔩... just remember not too much torque. Sometimes tools aren't a good thing so you have to be careful how you use them. For instance, if you elect a tool to office you're gonna be stuck with them for at least 2, 4, 6 years and more if you're not careful.🤡 The important lesson here is to choose and use your tool wisely and make sure you have the appropriate toolbox to fit your needs🙊. And as for the other tools out there, let'em rust away from disuse. It's also important to remember to "Beware the Ides of March" on the 15th. A classic day when debts are due, and when you don't make good...oh well just ask Caesar🗡... his friends turned out to be tools. And finally we get the day when the whole world turns Irish for a day.🇨🇮 

A day when you get a free pass from your lenten obligations and the only tool you'll need is a pint glass for your Guinness Stout and a shot glass for your Irish whiskey of choice. 🍺Actually, if you stay upright, and drink gives you the gift of the Blarney Stone, you might be able to put your tool to good use🙉... just remember, "no means no" yeah #metoo. And speaking of tools, I'll even give you some original limericks to help you ply your way kind of like I'm the MC and it's Hammertime cuz you know U Can't Touch This...

Every time you see me that Hammer's just so hype

I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the mic
Now why would I ever stop doing this
With others makin' records that just don't hit
I toured around the world from London to the bank
It's Hammer go Hammer
It's a Hammer yo Hammer and the rest go and play 

Can't touch this!

                       Original Limericks

There once was a gay fellow named Smollett

Who wanted to increase the size of his wallet      

So he hired two Nigerian Trumpsters                        

To MAGA and beat him by the dumpsters  

And now his next starring role will be in Joliet

A female Jack ass is a Jenny     

Just as stubborn and stupid and unfriendly                

But now that the A.O.C.                                                    

Is the new face of the Democratic Donkey           

Maybe "Jenny"  is actually complementary

Some say on the border there's a calamity       

What to do is the source of no unanimity  

If illegals are blocked by  a wall                                  

How will the Blues win the election come fall           

And tax all the money from our rising prosperity

There once was a lady from Massachusetts  

Whose blonde hair and blue eyes were a nuisance    

So she doctored her CV.                                                   

To say she was part Cherokee                                      

And now wants to be Chief of our institutions

There once was a Roman Emporer

Who angered the Senate as a temperer

But Brutus wanted wine

So the senate stood in line

And committed a slight little misdemeanor

Once again it's time for March madness

But my picks usually end in great sadness

So this year I'll wine

On all the varietals of the vine

And relish in my own sense of badness 

There once was a lad from nantucket

Who passed out drinking wine from a bucket

His shillelagh was uncovered

When he awoke and he wondered

Me too? Or did I forget that I got lucket

This week is not for the weak!

If you go to the gym today you won't be Gras on Mardi Antoinette

Well people (hopefully that doesn't trigger those who identify as non people) it's a new day, a new week, and a new month. We are March'ing towards spring and hopefully some global warming🌍...well actually I'll settle for Local warming🏖. Hmm, maybe I should buy a couple of flatulent cows and speed this thing up. 🐂However, I do find it surprising that with all the hot air🌬🌡 being spewed around the "swamp" these days from the braying Jack/Jenny asses that the temperature isn't tropical. Oh well, we'll just have to warm up on the inside with our favorite adult beverage 🍺while we wait for the cow farts and Pol farts to take effect🏜. It shouldn't take too long now since the "Cohen of Silence" was broken last week. With his testimony, grandstanding politicians, and MSM coverage ad nauseam🙉 the carbon footprint over the capital will make this city feel like Havana or Caracas in no time💣⌛. What's that you say? Oh, it feels like those places already because we are feeling the Bern🔥! And the #AOC🤡! Talk about hot air. Speaking of which did anyone else see the irony in congresswoman DW Shultz, who rigged the DNC primaries so #imwithered could win before "What Happened" happened, then had to resign, was questioning Cohen, who will spend 3 years in prison for lying, about whether Trump rigged the election with Russians?🤔 You can't make this up! Even more reason to drink🍸 and wash the carbon out of your mouth was last week's incestuous lovefest of Hollyweird. Speaking of Irony, Havana and Caracas, now I know why they call it the Red Carpet. Oscar night is where the real acting takes place. Where Spike Lee put on a performance for the ages 🙈cuz once again he lost out on holding the little man to yet another movie about chauffeurs and improving race relations... what, that's racist?! Hmm, and another racist statue🗿! Of course the real acting was the collective ability to be overly dramatic in a comedy! The award goes to everyone in attendance. You know, where the nation's wealthy and privileged class gathered to lecture America on wealth and privilege. Sing it Alanis! 👩‍🎤What's the likelihood that they all rode the bus or carpooled to the after parties?🚘🛥🚁🤔 The surest sign of privilege is griping about privilege in a tux or a dress that you have to glue to your boobies...to avoid a Janet J moment. Oh well, those were moments to wash away with drink last week🥂. However this week we have some fun things to drink about. First of all today is a good day to practice drinking for tomorrow. 🍻 If you need a reason just celebrate the anniversary of the founder of the Democratic party, Andy Jackson, who was inaugurated on this day in 1829 and opened up the White House🏛 to 20,000 of the common man...the people the party used to represent🙊. You didn't even have to be on the list. It was a major rager kegger... and with whiskey not beer🎉. It did get a little out of hand though and several acted deplorably...kind of like Boston or Philly after a super bowl!🏈 Of course we are practicing tonight to get ready for "slim challenged Tuesday."

The last night of bacchanalian festivities 🍾and debauchery😜 before the 40 days of Lent. Probably a good idea to go with the hard stuff tomorrow🍸, then relax with wine 🍷until Easter. And since what you give up for Lent should be hard, I will give up making fun of the Green New Deal😆. I was tempted to give up making fun of the #AOC, but that would be just setting myself up for failure. Now of course after Tuesday you get to Ash Wednesday...the day to repent and show penitence. And believe me if you do Shrove Tuesday right you'll be penitent. Well luckily for you this Wednesday gives you something to help...it was on this day that Bayer invented aspirin. 🙏 Might want to wash it down with a Bloody Mary... it's important to get right back up on that horse after you fall.  Then if you're still feeling ill the next day, or even if you're not but want to pretend that you are... Thursday gives you another reason to celebrate because that's the date when A.G. Bell invented the telephone. Just call in sick! You're welcome! Then TGI Friday, which is its own weekly excuse to celebrate, but if you'd like an additional reason I'll give you two. If you're a new age socialist Democrat like the #AOC or the Bern then of course you can celebrate the first of the Russian Revolutions...the one where they didn't go far enough left off the cliff. You'll have to wait until November to take that big plunge!💥 Hmm, I think that's an allegory, metaphor, analogy and parable all rolled up in one! Now if you're on the right side of history you can celebrate the date Ronnie called the Soviets an "Evil Empire" and began the destruction of a bad philosophy, a bad wall, and bad economics.🇺🇸 Now that should get you to the weekend where the golf season🏌️‍♂️ is heating up and baseball spring training⚾️ is going full bore! Do you think we can trade a couple admirers of socialism to Cuba and Venezuela for a couple pitching prospects for the local "swamp team?" Yeah you're right... they're only bloviating hot air... they wouldn't agree to the trade. Besides they have spotty internet... how would they get likes for their selfies? 🤳Oh well, maybe I'll just stay in and rest up this weekend with my buddies Paul and Art and reflect amidst the Sounds of silence..

"Fools" said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming

And the sign said, "The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls"
And whispered in the sounds of silence