I'll Be Back!

Cyborgs don't feel pain, but I do Antoinette.

Well now that we've overcome our tryptophan induced comas, survived black Friday, or "color of your choice Friday without any stigmatizing hues"...it's time to wake up to a Monday built for basement dwellers, couch potatoes, techno geeks and anybody uncomfortable with human interaction... cyber Monday! I know, I know, e'tailing is great for avoiding crowded malls etc, but I prefer my tail to be of the human kind, 😉. Don't be a girlie man! (terminators don't have the ability to recognize cyberbullying)  Interact face to face.where all your senses come into play. What's "Alexa" or "Siri" gonna say when you ask what kind of perfume are you wearing because it would make a great gift? Or, my girlfriend is about your size can you show me what this negligee would look like on?🙈 Or most importantly, do you prefer the taste of this Pinot or the Cab? 🍷And who cares about getting the shopping done early...if you are like me and wait until the last minute, everything will be picked over so it makes deciding on that perfect gift that much easier. Win, win! Besides, when you go out to shop they have bars, restaurants and wine stores... where, hold onto your mouse,  they even have happy hours and free wine tastings. Speaking of the French... weren't we?... this week commemorates two closely linked events. The first is the anniversary of the famed Parisian ooh la la cabaret, Folies Bergère, where you can see first-hand and life size what brought Toulouse-Lautrec there night after night...you don't even need wifi.Try getting that on your Apple watch. Get out in the real le monde where you can smell the eau du French girl, and be a bon vivant, practice your newest bon mot, while sipping French Champagne, listening to music and playfully taking real life selfies, instead of taking selfies at home being playful with only "Alexa" in the room.🙊 The second closely related item is that this week we also celebrate National Protect Your Package Day... just thought I'd throw that out there. 🙉 I'll give you the perfect example of why you need to interact and experience real life instead of shutting yourself off in front of a computer screen or smart phone in your basement. It's black and white, or should I say a darker hue that isn't necessarily good or bad, and a lighter colored hue that isn't necessarily privileged.Take two countries that have some similarities, North Korea and France. They both have nuclear weapons, they both like Chinese food, and neither has been very successful on the battlefield. But recognizing their strengths, the French put all their grapes into the wine basket, and did what they do best... great wine, good times, and a certain “Je ne sais quoi,” that makes the rest of the world flock to France, buy their wine and mix French words into their speaking whenever they can. Meanwhile, the North Koreans have banned drinking, singing and any entertainment gathering as a means of population control. I guess they are gonna be stuck e'tailing...that is if they had WiFi, a basement, a computer, or a selfie taking phone. Guess they won't be having any wine with their kimchee at Christmas dinner. Don't be like the Koreans, or Monday morning cyborgs... be like the French, live life... see, feel, touch, smell and hear those around you... then share the deliciousness of your favorite Bordeaux with someone special because tomorrow is also National Giving Day. No reason to fear meeting people face to face, wine is the perfect conversation lubrication. Get out there and shop till you drop... and if your sales lady, man or cyborg can't help you on gift ideas for that special man in your life, I know what Tom T. Hall recommends the secret to happiness is...

As I enjoy the peace and comfort of reality 
If [anyone] ever asks me what it is that 
I have learned I think that I will readily affirm
"It's faster horses, younger women, 
Older [wine], and more money"

The Century Mark

When you get to 100, it's time to stop counting Antoinette.

Ninety nine inspirations to drink wine on the blog, 

Ninety nine inspirations to drink wine

Add one more, to make it 5 score

Then give thanks for yet another reason to pour! 

That's right America, it's the week of giving thanks for the bounty that we have and the cornucopia of characters that make up the panoply of life in this penultimate paradise where we proudly proffer our profound gratitude to the heavens and refrain from the profane for at least a little while. And speaking of scores and profundity, yesterday marked the seven score and fourteen year anniversary of the most profound 2 minute speech in history and provides an opportunity to pop the cork on your favorite Pinot Noir while considering when less is more. I'm not talking about Bluto's speech when "the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor", I'm talking about The Gettysburg Address and how it reminded a war weary public of the "great cause" of preserving the union, the country... not just any country... but the country founded in liberty and on the premise that all men are created equal🗽. Of course we are a work in progress but we can be proud and thankful that in a world of pessimism, we have been "the city upon a hill" for all the world to see. That sounds like a pretty good reason to set aside our differences, for the trolls to exit the basement, and log off our weapons of mass destruction, triggering and virtue signaling... it's time to pop corks, raise our glasses, recognize the "last full measure of devotion" given by those before us and say cheers and thanks🥂. Don't be a glass half empty pessimist where your anxiety is rising because you're  half way through your wine. Be a glass half full optimist, where you see the opportunity to add and improve upon what you already have🍷.  Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, we'll have scores more centuries to keep improving on a good thing. I know, I know you climate alarmists are saying the creeks will rise cuz the ice caps are melting. But remember, warmer climate equals a longer growing season and more land freed up for vineyards🍇. Don't worry about the polar bears...they're wearing white...it's cool and perfect summer style. 😉 That female dog might be one of your 99 problems 🙊, but lack of wine ain't one. Happy thanksgiving and be safe wherever you are...over the river, through the woods, at grandma's house or a soldier guarding the 38th parallel (remember, lil kim hate us, cuz he anus!🇺🇸)  Don't be alarmed, those are just 99 Luftbaloons🎈🚀🎆.This Thanksgiving holiday I think I'll celebrate my 100th blog by working through and sharing the top 100 wines with those around me...

Ninety-nine bottles of wine on the wall, 

Ninety-nine bottles of wine, 

Take one down pass it around...

Ninety-eight bottles of wine on the wall...

The Fountain of Youth

How old would you be, if you didn't know how old you are, Antoinette?

Escapism is becoming work these days. There was a time when evenings and weekends offered up all kinds of delightfully, diverting and delicious dilletantish delusions designed to distract from the deleterious, dehumanizing, demoralizing and degrading world of 9-5... but dat was den, dis is da new. Deplorable! We used to be able to come home, snuggle up with that special armchair, remote, bag of chips, beverage of choice and escape into the NFL... but Not For Long. Now it seems half the talk is about legal issues, and the other half is about protests. That's not escapism...that's a lecture and a sermon. Put the game on! Well at least there's always the movies and Hollywood. Oh wait... no there isn't, because now we have to suffer through the G.E.D.'ers from that cesspool of humanity who want to use their platforms to piously politick and pontificate on all things PC, even though they can prevaricate better than D.C. politicians, while pretending their pretensions aren't really just puerile placations to the peeps masking their prurient and predatory behavior, phew! Well I'm here to save the day... you might think you hear Nero fiddling in the background, as Sodom and Gomorrah go up in flames(you know which cities I'm talking about) 🔥, but I have the perfect antidote to all your first world problems... wine! The magical elixir and panacea guaranteed to deafen you to the whine, live longer, look younger, and for you women... make you more fertile than a Kansas cornfield. 🌽That's right...according to the omniscient internet and the University of St Louis, drinking red wine will increase the reserve of viable eggs and quite likely leave you a lil sumpin, sumpin in 9 months. Choose wisely ladies. If you don't want that unforgettable night to be lastingly unforgettable, drink white wine or better yet crush a couple tall boy PBRs... the belching will likely preserve your chastity. 🍻 More good news... according to studies at Brighton and Exeter universities, the magic ingredient in red wine that improves your longevity, general health, and brat probability (I'm not talking about the sausage... Well actually😉) ... also (along with chocolate) makes you look younger. That news should lessen the whine. Don't mail that $19.99 in to some bogus tv commercial hawking some new snake oil, head to your local one stop wine and chocolate store and spend your $19.99 on a bottle of Zin and a Snickers. You'll look younger, feel younger and the only side effect is you might create a youngin'! But  don't worry... when they grow up people will think you're siblings cuz you look so young... how's that for escapism? Remember folks, when you escape to the basement, it should be to watch the big game or a movie classic, not to escape the work world or the likelihood of getting punched in the face for "bravely" saying something stupid behind your internet wall of security. The basement is not for anyone's whine, it's a cellar... it's where you should keep your wine! Paradise! I'm gonna take you on a trip so far from here, I've got two tickets in my pocket, now baby, we're gonna disappear...I've got two tickets to paradise, Won't you pack your bags, we'll leave tonight...

Things to do in the Dark

What happened to all the daylight we have been saving Antoinette?

Well November is here, and with it comes a few good excuses to never leave the house when you finish work. First, here in Virginia and some place off a turnpike exit north of here are the only 2 states to have elections for governor complete with all the inanities of campaign commercials that appear... EVERYWHERE!!!! Wasn't last year enough? Even Words with Friends is politicking. Of course the one important campaign issue they are all avoiding is daylight savings time. Why can't they get this right? Every night at 2:00am "fall back" for an extra hour of sleep, and every afternoon at 4:00pm, "spring forward"... making it 5:00 everywhere, time to stop work and hit the half price wine happy hour. What could be less confusing?🕔🥂 Now our cloudy Monday will end with us coming home in the noir (zat's ze word for dark en francais, you silly Américain)... at 5:00!!! Who wants to do anything then except plop down on the couch and order delivery. Well if that's our fate, we might as well make the most of it. Once the delivery person of no particular sexual gender leaves, time to cuddle up on the couch with that WILLING someone and practice your Frenching (no, not cinq a sept...well maybe!😉... what a cool name for happy hour, ooh la la)... you know...join TCM for their "Noirvember" and watch a spate of film noir. (Another term coined by the French because they are so much better at coining... film dark doesn't cut it). I know, I know...many of you are unhappy with the cesspool that is current Hollywood, but watching film noir movies from the 40's doesn't profit anyone currently, are great movies absent of CGI and still leave a little to the imagination while being sultry, menacing, realistic and taut with suspense. Plus they have stars like Bogey and Bacall, Mitchum and Russell, and Ladd and Lake. And most importantly, what better wine to drink with a film noir than a Pinot Noir. (Thanks again Pierre, nobody wants to drink pine dark except maybe Ewell Gibbons).  Make sure your wine cellar is stocked and tune in a classic like The Maltese Falcon, Out of the Past, Double Indemnity, or The Third Man and uncork your favorite Pinot Noir from Anderson or Willamette Valley. After a bottle or two you'll be ready for The Big Sleep... don't worry, the plotline is confusing anyway, good night...🕵️‍♀️In restless dreams I walked alone. Narrow streets of cobblestone. 'Neath the halo of a street lamp, I turned my collar to the cold and damp. When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light...That split the night
And touched the sound of silence