O bla di, O bla da

Whyne? Whynot, Antoinette,

O' boy, boys and girls and neuters (hope that didn't trigger anyone. And you thought taking Latin was a waste of time). It's summertime! School's out. The night's are getting longer, the sun is getting stronger and the time for leisure is at hand. Now all we have to do is figure out how to fill our days. But before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let me remind you that it's important to keep your mind sharp. Don't let the sun, and the sea, and the scantily clad turn your brain to mush. Stay lucid. Exercise your brain. Increase your vocabulary. Remember to pre-game with your prefix before you get to the root of the matter, and can enjoy the after glow of your suffixual escapades. So attract your anto-, syno-, or homo-  sapien with your mind. Words matter and using your words can get you to the promised land, or a slap in the face if not used wisely. In which case use them to learn about wine. The 'ologies, 'onyms, 'ographies and 'ometries are very important. So we will begin summer school with these 'O' words. Remember, it's all about the Big O. Don't worry, the only tests will be taste tests because we will only apply these words to wine!  First, the where of wine - geOgraphy. Wine grapes were first cultivated in the Caucasus Mountains by Caucasians hence white wine. I know, not very original. Then before heading east out of town on a sight seeing trip across the land bridge, some nearby locals suggested a new enOlogy. The how of making wine could be diversified by using red grapes for more interesting wines. These 'Redskins' suggested calling it red wine. (See where limited vocabulary leaves you). Unfortunately, global warming washed away the land bridge before they could return, so they changed their name to Indians or Native Americans and established several casinos and sports teams in the new world. The question now became what size container do you store wine in and how much wine should you drink. Well the geOmetry of wine is governed by how much you can carry, and how much you can drink safely. You'll have to judge that for yourself, but if you indulge too much it will bring you to the Onym of wine. In this case homOnym/synOnym. Let's back up first to an Ology...etymOlogy. The Olde English liked a little flourish in their words like in their favorite wine...Bordeaux. So they added extra letters that you don't pronounce or spelled words strangely. The word wine was originally a homOnym question, Whyne? So you can either cry about it 😉, or you can answer 'whynot' and drink to your hearts content. Here's the problem,  'whynot' is pronounced like pinot and is therefore a homophone for wino, which is a synOnym of drunk which has the most synOnyms of all... nearly 3000. So when the answer is yes, and the time is right make good decisions so you'll be suave and debonair, and not crocked, smashed, wasted, lit, pickled, tanked, sloshed, tight, etc. Because then you won't feel good, will probably under perform, or more likely be alone and singing the blues. Or even worse... In trouble because you're singing about O.P.P. Stay out of trouble. Drink the right amount. Life will be good and you'll be singing...Happy ever after in the market place, Desmond lets the children lend a hand. Molly stays at home and does her pretty face, And in the evening she still sings it with the band...Ob la di Ob la da life goes on bra
La la how the life goes on. Ob la di Ob la da life goes on bra. La la how the life goes on.

Proof of climate change and how U2 can adjust the thermostat!

Climate change is Real... ly getting on my nerves Antoinette!

The rancor, the shrill talking heads and pundits, and the never ending surplus of social media geniuses with all the answers and with whom there's no recourse unless you think,  "yeah, say that to my face - time" gives you satisfaction. All this vitriol has raised the world temperature more than all the Chernobyls and Taco Bells put together. Warning: if you haven't been keeping up with the goings on around the world recently you might want to replace your wine glass with a pitcher... you're going to want it because the world has gone insane. Can you say insane or does that offend all the nutjobs sensibilities? Ok, change it to the world has gone inane and full of fatuous types which leads us back to insane nut jobs... but not to worry...I have the solution that will lower the temperature to the point where you will think winter is coming and you would be cool hanging out with the White Walkers...yup, Wine!  Making the world chill for millennia and allowing us to deal with all the anomalies like the fact that climate global warming has caused a thickening of the sea ice, leading scientist to cancel an artic expedition on global warming. That's Bad. Wine: Riesling. Or college dropout Mark Zuckerberg, giving a commencement speech suggesting we give everyone $3k per month so they can find out what they like to do, cuz robots will replace them anyway. This inanity is known as "Bernia"... where someone says stupid things that sound good to those with limited thinking and limited gumption in order to get votes. This place exists Where the streets have no names. Wine: prosecco. Let me see...States are legalizing weed and we're gong to get 3000$ month, coupled with the parents WiFi... hmm,  the basement won't become dad's man cave when the kids leave... they ain't leaving. I will follow. Wine: sauvignon blanc. I hope Whole Foods has plenty of organic frozen pizzas, or Amazon is gonna get some angry calls from basement dwelling consumers. Stand up for your rights and have some Pride. Wine: Chianti. Not to mention we are living in a Deep State... of denial, where truth is stranger than fiction. But the 'Reality' is, anyone can be a 'Winner' whether you know it or not. As for me I still haven't found what I'm looking for. Wine: Zinfandel. Also, astronomers have apparently determined that the 4th rock from the Sun, Mars, is warming like the 3rd rock from the Sun. Apparently Matt Damon's atv had a catalytic converter designed by Volkswagen. Actung Baby. Wine: Gewürztraminer.  It gets crazier...former top crime fighting lawman says he's no Captain Courageous, but never fear, former presidential candidate likens herself to wonder woman and will save the world...With or Without you. Wine: mimosas. Not to worry lawman, VP of Russia says you can have asylum with him, the insane asylum... where this New Year's Day you can leak whatever you want. Wine: Sangria. Speaking of asylum, France is offering refugee status to Americans upset by withdraw from the climate accord. It might be a long wait at the airport behind all those people from Hollywood moving to Canada. But hey, summer in Paris, that sounds like a Beautiful Day. Wine: Bordeaux. And not that they were asked,  but Puerto Rico voted to become a state (along with Bhutan, Malawi, Ukraine and China). Hey this is the United States and since we will be losing all those peeps to Paris and Canada we'll need some replacements. E. Pluribus Unum. Let's all be One. Wine: Super Tuscan. Lastly,  and sadly we need climate change because the temperature of hate and violence doesn't pair well with wine.  It's the kind of thing that makes you want to shout Covfefe! Argue, don't yell. Disagree, don't hate. Spill wine, not blood. No more attacking America's game, and no more Sunday, Bloody Sundays. Wine: the kind you share with your neighbor. 

And another Greek wedding

Did you know wine is sunlight held together by water Antoinette?

Let's get philosophical for a moment. Of course philosophy comes from the Greek... Philo meaning love of... and Sophy... meaning the raven haired beauty down at the Agora. But one of its lesser known definitions is love of knowledge. And nothing pairs better with philosophy than wine because as I've said before, "in wine there is truth"! So let me drop some knowledge on you. 159 years ago this week, a tall drink of water named Abe warned Americans that, "a house divided against itself cannot stand." While I don't think we need to worry about a bloody civil war (too many screechers, not fighters... and plenty of safe spaces either way), the lack of civility and division in this country is disturbing. But not to worry. I have the solution. Oenophilia! Don't worry, it's legal (except you junior). Its the love of wine. Something all Americans can agree on. Red states and blue states. Liars and deniers. Donkeys and elephants. Pat's fans and everybody else. Remember, what makes America Great are Americans, not one party over another. So leave partisanship to the playing fields, uncork a bottle of your favorite wine and share it with somebody you know who's across the proverbial aisle. What better way to celebrate Flag Day, than waving that star studded red, white and blue sheet, while getting three sheets to the wind on a few bottles of your favorite grape with your neighbors. Leave the enmity to those non wine drinking terrorists, and uncork some amity so we can MAGAF (Make America Great...ask a teenager if you don't know the rest 😉). Let's undo this political divorce, and remarry ourselves to the Philo Of Sophy, wine and 'Merica. Say I do! You are now allowed to show your pleasure. You're welcome! Remember boys and girls wine pairs well with everything and makes every meal an occasion, every table more elegant, every day more civilized. Bring back civility, bring more wine, and make everyday a flag waving, wine drinking occasion. Wine conquers evil, and if you aren't sure how to beat the devil...sit down in that chair right there, And let me show you how it's done! Fire on the Mountain, run, boys, run, The Devil´s in the house of the rising sun...The Devil bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat..."Devil, just come on back If you ever want to try again, [We] done told you once, you son of a bitch, [America's] the best there´s ever been"

Scientific Certainties

Why don't we do a little day drinking, Antoinette
 

We all know there is a great deal of science that goes into viticulture and oenology. But did you also know that according to world renown scientific publications, the Daily Mail and New York Magazine along with a couple of Pittsburgh area universities and their researchers we now know with scientific certainty that drinking during the day is different than drinking at night. Who knew? And what would we do without scientific certainty? We wouldn't know that if we don't do something asap, igloo subdivisions will definitely be passe and accordingly polar bears will be invited to live in Paris(don't worry it's cool there, 😎)... oh, and it may or may not rain tomorrow. Or without researchers?  (otherwise known as anonymous sources... be careful what you sign your name to these days) Or lab rats for that matter?(sometimes referred to as college students who thought they had found a safe space, 😈) Scientists have discovered, now hold onto your chair, that the time you drink will influence what you do while consuming alcohol. GTFO! Also, researchers found that there is an increased sensitivity to alcohol at night in lab rats (read freshmen). So let me get this straight, during the daylight lab rats might want to drink champagne at brunch, then maybe sangria while tanning at the beach, and at night they may want to have wine at dinner, and then champagne while clubbing and trying to score...one for the team at trivia night? Wow! Apparently, the need to get to the bottom of this scientific mystery came about because of bottomless mimosas. New York Magazine's Katie Heaney couldn't figure out why four mimosas at brunch felt different from four vodka sodas at night. Hmm? And the only way to get to the bottom of the mimosa pitcher mystery was with university scientists, researchers, lab rats or 1st grade math. Scientists also found that "rats" liked drinking more at night. It has to do with the rhythm of cicadas, or some other science type thing and has nothing to do with which lady rat will be sharing your cheese and getting crumbs in your nest. And finally, psychologists have found that men need alcohol to have a good time in social situations... it allows us to get through dinners with in laws, engage in fun bar fights, and increases our pool of possible "companions" to about 100%. So the moral of the story is if you drink wine day and night you'll know with scientific certainty that you're still in college. Otherwise, summer is here and it's time to transition to summer wines. Take advantage of the longer sunlight and start early. That way when your circadian rhythm or cicadas for that matter makes you fall asleep at 9 you'll have finished that nice bottle of Grenache and still get a full night of sleep with dreams of Ventura Highway in the sunshine. Where the days are longer, the nights are stronger than moonshine. You're gonna go I know.