Scientific Certainties

Why don't we do a little day drinking, Antoinette
 

We all know there is a great deal of science that goes into viticulture and oenology. But did you also know that according to world renown scientific publications, the Daily Mail and New York Magazine along with a couple of Pittsburgh area universities and their researchers we now know with scientific certainty that drinking during the day is different than drinking at night. Who knew? And what would we do without scientific certainty? We wouldn't know that if we don't do something asap, igloo subdivisions will definitely be passe and accordingly polar bears will be invited to live in Paris(don't worry it's cool there, 😎)... oh, and it may or may not rain tomorrow. Or without researchers?  (otherwise known as anonymous sources... be careful what you sign your name to these days) Or lab rats for that matter?(sometimes referred to as college students who thought they had found a safe space, 😈) Scientists have discovered, now hold onto your chair, that the time you drink will influence what you do while consuming alcohol. GTFO! Also, researchers found that there is an increased sensitivity to alcohol at night in lab rats (read freshmen). So let me get this straight, during the daylight lab rats might want to drink champagne at brunch, then maybe sangria while tanning at the beach, and at night they may want to have wine at dinner, and then champagne while clubbing and trying to score...one for the team at trivia night? Wow! Apparently, the need to get to the bottom of this scientific mystery came about because of bottomless mimosas. New York Magazine's Katie Heaney couldn't figure out why four mimosas at brunch felt different from four vodka sodas at night. Hmm? And the only way to get to the bottom of the mimosa pitcher mystery was with university scientists, researchers, lab rats or 1st grade math. Scientists also found that "rats" liked drinking more at night. It has to do with the rhythm of cicadas, or some other science type thing and has nothing to do with which lady rat will be sharing your cheese and getting crumbs in your nest. And finally, psychologists have found that men need alcohol to have a good time in social situations... it allows us to get through dinners with in laws, engage in fun bar fights, and increases our pool of possible "companions" to about 100%. So the moral of the story is if you drink wine day and night you'll know with scientific certainty that you're still in college. Otherwise, summer is here and it's time to transition to summer wines. Take advantage of the longer sunlight and start early. That way when your circadian rhythm or cicadas for that matter makes you fall asleep at 9 you'll have finished that nice bottle of Grenache and still get a full night of sleep with dreams of Ventura Highway in the sunshine. Where the days are longer, the nights are stronger than moonshine. You're gonna go I know.