Football is non denominational!

Identity politics don't belong in football, that's why they wear helmets Antoinette.

As September fades away and fall begins, we are reminded that winter is coming and it's time to store our nuts, stock the wine cellar, hibernate in the basement and inure ourselves to the inevitable cold shoulders, icy stares, and threats to leave if we don't stop watching football. All that is endurable, but there are nefarious forces at work out there trying to undermine the last great safe space for us Neanderthals... the man cave.(cavewomen are welcome, dress code applies👡) After a long week of tip toeing through a PC world where you have to look over your shoulder before quoting classic movies like Blazing Saddles🏇 because you don't want to trigger anyone, it's time for the welcome respite of the game and a malty beverage, hearty cabernet, or favorite brown liquor, cigar and a bag of Cheetos. However, even this is now being threatened. We don't need to be preached at during the holy day of football 🏈by media personalities, celebrities, rock stars, politicians, athletes or anyone hyping the identity politic du jour. Things haven't gotten worse in the last 10 years, just exploited for political gain and exacerbated by the Network[s]. Well "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore." (See what I did there,😉) It's time to jump on the identity politics bandwagon and fight for our rights....FFLM(Football Fans Lives Matter). I only got one rule, "and that's never bet money that you don't have on a dog race with an ex-girlfriend who happens to be a stripper." Ok, 2 rules...KEEP POLITICS OUT OF FOOTBALL, and make sure to give the cabernet time to decant. Just as you would stand out of respect in any country you visited for their national anthem, stand for America's. If you want to help, then get out in your community and help and leave your selfie stick at home. If you want to kneel, Tebow after a score... it's a little more dignified than urinating like a mutt OBJ! Keep football pure from the taint of politics, because much more of this and we'll choose Will Farrel's life of cutting the grass, going "to Home Depot...buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know...!" We'd rather stay in the basement, watch the game and drink wine. Because "once it hits your lips it's so good."🍷 Leave politics to things like the current most hyped book in America, What Happened...spoiler alert, the answer is on the cover next to the word By, 😉. Leave football alone and focus media attention on serious political issues like international threats to human survival  where the "Pickens" aren't so "Slim" such as the "Major Kong" of North Korea...Who is...not the man they think [he is] at home...Oh no no no [he's] a rocket man, Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone... and I think it's gonna be a long, long time!🚀

Time for a little German hospitality

If you drink wine instead of beer, your lederhosen will fit better Antoinette!

Ach der lieber, meine damen und herren it's Oktoberfest! Time to get very Bavarian and don the lederhosen, fill the stein, uncork the Spätburgunder, throw the bratwurst on the grill, and revel in the beautiful fall days while singing the, "Hills are alive with the sound of music." You don't have to travel to Munchen to enjoy the festivities, Oktoberfest is a mindset...so be like the Bavarians, and make it about gemutlichkeit, that's good ol' southern hospitality German style. It's a time when Germans of all classes and backgrounds get together under the big tent of friendliness and get betrunken as one! There's a lot we can learn from the Germans... sometimes by patterning their behavior, and other times by avoiding. We'll take German engineering without the blitzkrieg, the 1000 year old breweries without the Reich, and our news unfiltered with puerile rants and memes of selective outrage passing as journalism. Danke nein, P.C. Goebels. Like all of history we should take from the good, and learn from the bad... don't worship the past... be mindful of it's lessons... kind of like statues, hmm? Every civilization in the history of man ultimately failed for a combination of many reasons...but no civilization has ever failed by drinking more wine...therefore it is axiomatic that more wine drinking will ensure America will survive. If only the Romans knew this...Nero wouldn't have been playing all those sad songs on the fiddle. I guess Edward Gibbons got paid by the word... if not he needed me as an editor...6 volumes geesh! Three words, drink more wine! Learn from the Germans, and adopt a new world view, or as they say, weltanschauung...Don't be selective in your outrage be selective in your bottles of wine and recognize different tastes for different people... variety is the spice of life... we don't want only one choice in wine any more than we want groupthink. Auf weidersehen sheep! The Germans also have a good word for those of you who are easily offended and don't feel safe enough behind the internet firewall and mom's basement... innerlichkeit... it's more or less your personal safe space, your inner freedom... think and believe however you want and nobody can change that. Of course every toddler knows this and that "sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never harm you", but sometimes we adults forget... it's fall, the harvest is in, but let's not let the lessons of history die on the vine. Speaking of dying on the vine... do you think the new bumper sticker should be "I'm-with-her-ed" 😉...maybe it's time to play with the grandkids and get sloshed on your favorite grape? Don't confuse hysterical truths with historical truths. Drink up America, happy Oktoberfest, and let's keep this American party going forever! So stand and raise your wine filled stein and sing, "Ein Prosit, ein Prosit Der Gemütlichkeit. OANS! ZWOA! DREI! G'SUFFA!"

A toast, a toast, To cheer and good times.
ONE! TWO! THREE! DRINK UP! 

Gimme Shelter from the Storm

Wine is a good Storm Chaser, Antoinette.

Not many things can be all things to all people with the noted exception of wine. The variety of varietals in various price ranges makes the ambrosia of the vine the right choice for all in a month that gives us much to drink about. With the kickoff of college football and the NFL there are always going to be winners and losers. (though some of us are unfamiliar with their teams losing this week, 😉💲🥂 cheers!)  But for others, the agony of defeat necessitates the comfort to be found in the elixir of life. Remember, as noted wine drinker and Notre Dame fan Pope Francis said.."Win or lose we booze! Fill your glass with something soothing and cure your ills with a bottle of liquid therapy. Wine is your friend in the afterglow of victory, while providing the solace of a needed hug to slain Giants, massacred Redskins, routed Patriots, and Ohio State fans who suffered through Hurricane Boomer Sooner. And while sports are fun and provide a great opportunity to drink before, during, and after games, other occasions are more serious...and wine matches the somber note required perfectly. It's a good time to raise a glass in salute to all those impacted by real hurricanes, all those first responders who risk their life, and those who help however they can. Wine is the perfect accompaniment to births, awakenings, and wakes. So time to get "woke" and realize how essential the Élixir de vie is to everyday life and a balanced diet... just make sure to have a bottle in each hand, 😉. It's also important to have something of quality and effort to celebrate good memories and to memorialize important occasions. Patriot Day (shhh, not you Tom) and 9/11 is a time to celebrate American resiliency... like family, we may argue amongst ourselves at times, but we won't put up with and will always withstand outside threats... so read between the lines of my three middle fingers terrorists (al qaeda, isis, Harvey and Irma) while I hold my bottle of wine in the other hand. Notice what they have in common btw? None of them drink wine. Protect yourself from terrorists, open a bottle of wine.... let it breathe, if it doesn't look like it's breathing give mouth to mouth, 😁. You might eventually need to save someone's life and need the practice. Just remember, getting stung by a Scorpion may Rock you like a Hurricane, but when the sun shines, we shine together...Now that it's raining more than ever...You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh

Love's Labor's (Labour's) Lost...

... can be replenished with wine, Antoinette.

It's Labor Day America, or Labour Day for you ostentatious Canadian types. A day set aside for the working man to celebrate the end of summer, and a last chance to spill bbq sauce on white clothing, Speedos, or those oh so hip seersucker suits. It's also a day designed by those money grubbing capitalists to get their money spent on wages back by offering up a whole plethora of labor day sales... everything is marked down. So grab your atm card, or your parents' for those of you too busy protesting statues, school names, capitalism and the fact that there seems to be "climate" every day and then recording your efforts with your iphone and selfie stick to go out and get a job. (Warning: To you Johnny Cash, man in black fans who seem to be everywhere these days, I don't think Vineyard Vines clothes or Big Baller Brand sneakers come in all black). And I don't want to belabor (belabour) the point, but why does it seem the most dangerous place to be is standing next to someone carrying a no hate sign? Hmm, that's ironic. Anyway, before you get triggered remember that you don't have to work today... so lay down that "love trumps hate or I'll kill you" sign and selfie stick, put away your work boots, throw some spareribs on the grill, and celebrate the persevering and hard working man (or wo-man, or any other prefix or suffix you choose) by uncorking a bottle of wine. Avoid laborious chitchat, lugubrious company, and dolorous musings on Bernie... and instead invite your neighbors (neighbours) to share your wine and celebrate the things we can all agree upon... the return of football, harvest time in the vineyard, the collective good will shown in helping our fellow Texans, and to the hope that Lil Kim (DPRK version) will choke on his kimchee surrounded by people unfamiliar with Henry Heimlich. And for those of your unfortunate in that you have to work today, make sure you grab your last Paycheck before you tell your boss, Johnny...You better not try to stand in my way, 'Cause I'm walkin' out the door. Take this job and shove it, I ain't working here no more.