Fidela Certa Merces...To the faithful there is certain reward

You'll live as long as you wine, if you wine as long as you live Antoinette,
 

It is fitting that this week begins on Memorial Day. A day to honor the sacrifice of those that came before us and say thank you so that we get the benefit of a long weekend and the opportunity to enjoy the fruits (read wine) of their sacrifice.  Why do we drink wine? Because it's there. Just like on this day in 1953, when Hillary (the mountain climber not the emailer) and Norgay climbed the highest mountain... because it was there and the first to do so would get wine for life. So today we should reflect on and honor the challenges accepted and the sacrifices made that give us the courage to strive and the many benefits we enjoy. For instance the French aren't necessarily famous for their commitment to fighting, but when the Limeys gained control of the Burgundy wine region and Paris, even French girls would fight for a hundred years. Hmm...wine, Paris, and French girls...ooh la la, that's something to memorialize. With Joan of Arc leading the way, the French regained their wine and respect and the insult "you fight like a girl" became a compliment in France. Though captured and burned at the stake on May 30, 1431 her martyrdom while still a teen led to her beatification, several so so movies, and teenagers best argument for getting the drinking age back to 18. This week also marks the official end of the Civil War, when the last confederate army finally surrendered. America's bloodiest war was over, the union saved, and never was there a more solemn occasion to drink a serious wine. So uncork your favorite cab, pinot or chard... and toast those you know and don't know. Those who replenished the Tree of Liberty with their blood; those who took serious the words Duty, Honor, Country; and those who gave the last full measure of devotion. Commemorate those who have allowed us the shallowness of our consumer lifestyle, all our frivolous activities and the freedom to lay in bed all day today if we choose. Just remember our freedom isn't free. Enjoy what they've given us, but always with respect for what it cost. Now enjoy the day, make good on the sacrifice we memorialize, and kick off  summer right, and like John Keats said: "Give me books, French wine, fruit, fine weather and a little music played out of doors..." and as spring melds into summer, and the outdoors becomes alive with the noise of birds, cicadas, toads and Jeremiah [who] was a bullfrog, Was a good friend of mine. I never understood a single word he said, But I helped him a-drink his wine, And he always had some mighty fine wine, Singin'...Joy to the world

The Ballad of East and West

Wine bridges all obstacles Antoinette,

The history of making America Great began a few millennia ago after the famous "Raucous in the Caucas" and what better way to understand our true history than with the metaphor of Wine. Noted mediator, Genghis the Really Nice, told the feuding gangs of the area (the reds and the whites) to go in opposite directions to avoid arguments where East is East and West is West, and never the twain shall meet....so those with reddish skin from the east half of Siberia thought they could find success in the land of RFK and took the shortcut East across the land bridge before global warming ruined that passage, 10,000 years ago! (You know if we just would have waited, we could have saved a lot of money on the Panama canal). Meanwhile those with pale-ish faces came from the west half and followed the sun towards that big star in Dallas after picking up some French wine and vines. 'Merica! The place known (before teetotaling teachers got involved and changed the expression to the land of milk and honey) as the land of wine and money (sorry Dubai). Movement is good. It's always important to have a fresh point of view. But with a new perspective comes added responsibility and after fast forwarding a few years we find that there is neither East nor West, Border, nor Breed, nor Birth. When two strong men stand face to face, though they come from the ends of the earth! You're going to be bumping into new people who will undoubtedly be different from you. Don't judge a book by its cover, a wine by it's label, or a people by a bad Google map ("who put that hemisphere there? "... Columbus) Use your words, find alternative ways to release aggression like the NFL and always hedge your bets. Bring white and red varietals and feel free to bring the bubbly for those "I don't really care about sports" types. Whatever you do don't come empty handed (Custer). Since May 25th is National Wine Day, let's have a national PowWow and plan this year's game get togethers, where East meets West, redskins and palefaces, cowboys and Indians can settle their differences they way man was meant to... on the gridiron...Where spears and scalping will get you a 15 yard penalty, and bullets will be quick accurate passes over the middle. The rest of us will be drinking wine and throwing things at the tv. Then we can party into the next day and celebrate the birth of the greatest cowboy of them all, John Wayne,  while heeding the words of that famous Nez Perce, Chief Joseph... "from where the sun now sits, I will only drink wine and fight no more forever"... because this land is your land, this land is my land, from California to the New York islands... this land was made for you and me. 

Mayday! Mayday!

May I pour you some more wine Antoinette?

You have to love May. Not only is it a month chock full of celebrations from day one when we danced around the maypole and welcomed spring with a bouquet of mayflowers and a bottle of gamay. Or maybe you liked your party with a little more mayhem and wanted to Feel the Bern of a "Red" party (😉) to celebrate your favorite failed economic system. (Fyi, pink[o]s work just as well, hehe) Just remember to protect yourself with Allstate if you go the mayhem route. But May is also the most polite month. May doesn't ask "Can I have a party and drink wine"...of course you can you're an adult. May asks "May I have a party and drink wine?" Hear the difference? Not only does it sound so much nicer it's grammatically correct. Hopefully you kept the amity going and extended well wishes to all your Star Trekkie neighbors. May the 4th be with you. The more wine you drink the less chance Darth Vader and his Klingon buddies have of ruining your day. Nobody wants a war in the star system. Help Captain Kirk out so he doesn't have to send a mayday out to Hans to save him. He may be busy with Lt. Leia or Princess Uhuru, who knows. And Spock and R2D2 are too busy arguing over whose ears are bigger to solve your probs. (If the above angers you time to pour yourself more wine and go watch a movie about gnomes Bilbo Baggins) Now don't dismay. Before your hangover wears off, May gave us another reason to drink wine on Cinco de Mayo, where we could grab our Mayan neighbors, uncork a bottle of M[acMurr]ay Pinot Noir, and take turns on your choice of pinatas... maybe James Com[a]y? Then of course the next day you got to keep the wine fiestas going and hop on your favorite horse and "run for the rosé's"at the Kentucky Derby. It doesn't stop there...Mother's Day, Memorial Day, Graduation Day! Just make sure your wine is smooth and easy and then you'll be steezin with good reason. Also, if May is your birthday don't be bull headed. Grab as much wine as you can carry in your Taurus and get to the party. If it's at Obi Wan Kenobi's pad, take the Gemini Rocket and your BFF Chekov, there's room for two. Though I'm a ma[y]ven on space movies and horoscopes, I'll stay grounded in reality and drink my wine with someone normal. You know him..He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent. Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair. Better stay away from him. He'll rip your lungs out Jim. I'd like to meet his tailor...Aaoooooo!
Werewolves of London!

Vive la France

It's no time for Drama class, Antoinette!

Truth is stranger than fiction they say. Or put another way, "you can't make this merde up!" If you've been following world politics the last year or so, you probably recognize that we are in a state of flux. Not the scary kind the world faced in the inter war years of the last century (unless you're one of those hysterical types who need a slogan for your meme creating app). Rather the kind you get when art imitates life, The Onion becomes real news, and to believe in the scientific method makes you a science denier. Ooh la la! That's right...France woke up this morning realizing they just elected a Lifetime Channel movie to the presidency. If it was a headline in The Onion it would read..."15 year old bags teacher then the presidency...he'll address the country after recess." Obviously, his "sword" was mightier than Le Pen 😉. I don't want to speculate but I think global warming could be reduced by putting some saltpeter in the school lunches in France...disant simplement! But this is the Terre d'amour... where you can marry your  much older drama teacher and be credited for your "entrepreneurial spirit". I raise my champagne glass in a toast to the success of France and the couple, I just hope they remember that Oedipus Rex was a tragedy not a "complex" comedy. But whether you won or raised the white flag of surrender... in France you boozed. So this morning, after the typical oh mon dieu's what did I do last night, you might be wondering what to do about your tete'ache. Well let's have a tête-à-tête and read up on what the latest science suggests. World famous scientific journal, The Independent, reports that after millions of dollars spent on research, we can safely say that the hair of the dog formula for hangovers works. Two glasses of [wine], is better than aspirin for pain relief. We know this because "researchers" from the UNIVERSITY OF GREENWICH say so after 18 weekends, um, I mean studies. In the "mean -time" (see what I did there, 😉🥂), noted science denier, Christian (no kidding that's his real name) actually agrees saying, "I think the scientists should spend less time marching and more time drinking…you can quote me on that!" Research head, Dr Thompson (from the philosophy department) says that [wine] is as good as opioids "for the pain homme!" It's a brave new world out there when we can combine a Christian, a hippie from the 1960s and university students... throw them in a red solo cup, flip it... and call it science! And since we are talking about college here's a lesson, Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy wine, you do the math. And speaking of love for your mother, Sunday is mother's day (not to be confused with cinq à sept President Macron, 😉) treat her special. Life gets busy on the Champs-Élysées. Bring plenty of wine and remember what a drag it is getting old. Kids are different today, I hear ev'ry mother say, Mother needs something today to calm her down...She goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper, and it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day!

Salut!

In Vino, Veritas!

Yes, there is truth in wine Antoinette,

John Adams may have been right in 1790 when he said, "Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." But just like Virginia Slims, "we've come a long way, baby!" This is 2017, and it may be cray to think, but we are like totes more sophisticated now. Like you know? 😎And we've cured the stubborn fact blues...we just invented alternative facts. In the end it's all about perspective. Your wine glass can either be half empty or half full, but since we are in the business of Making America Great Again, fill that puppy up, lighten up your perspective with a summer white, and feel free to choose your own facts. It's good with summer fare, and even better for tourism. Just ask the enterprising Scots of Loch Ness...this week in 1933 commemorates their two for one wine specials which proved better than binoculars for locating local pet Nessie. Of course it also made the photography a little fuzzy, but that's the price you pay for the "truth". You don't necessarily have to spin facts, you just need to apply them to the right situation. For instance getting one out of every three right on exams will get you a mulligan for the class, otherwise know as summer school. But if you hit one out of three in baseball you'll get to the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. In war...well it kind of depends on which one of the three you win. Take France for instance (if you don't know how just ask Germany, 😉) Historically speaking, France was one for three this week in war. (With all the practice they've had, you'd think they'd be better at it by now) So you might be wondering is their wine glass half empty or half full, and of course the answer is oui. They may have lost the Battles of Puebla, 1861 to a handful of Mexican peasants, and the Battle of Dien Bien Phu to a handful of Vietnamese peasants in pajamas in 1954, but in 1945 they (otherwise known as the U.S. Army with some close friends) drove the free loading Nazis out of the French Champagne region. Nice win, nice wine! And if you look at the other 2 losses,  its just about perspective! Because of the Battle of Puebla, we Americans get another excuse to drink the national drink of Mexico on Cinco de Mayo, VINO! And because of Dien Bien Phu and maybe one or two other events, we get to sit our lazy derrieres down on the couch, order up some Vietnamese delivery, open a bottle of French wine and watch the French mastermind, Inspector Clousseau solve the Pink Panther mystery. Merci Pierre! Thanks for helping make America Great and no matter how your election turns out you'll just need the right bottle of wine and a Spin Doctor for the vote when... One, two, princes kneel before you, That's what I said, now. Princes, Princes who adore you, Just go ahead, now. One has diamonds in his pockets. That's some bread, now. This one, he wants to buy you rockets, Ain't in his head, now.

Tres Existential!