October Surprise

It's all Hail-Wine week, Antoinette.

Well America it's that time of year again when things start to get scary! When darkness gets here earlier and earlier⛼. When crazy people do crazy things. Historically it's when fake news was believable, as when Orson Welles scared New Jersey and the rest of America worse than Big Boy Bob M and a wannabe actor/politician tripping over his Spartacus lines could🙊 with his realistic radio production of War of the Worlds🛸👽. It's the time of year when Tuesday's are Black and the stock market crashed📉, when the Perfect Storm ⛈occurred... fictionally killing Clooney and Marky Mark, and non-fictionally causing America to have to suffer through insufferable Sox ⚾️fans gloating...talk about a storm surge of bilge!🤮 And speaking of things that make you wanna spill your cookies, it's the time of year for political ads ad nauseam🤮🤮! Now I know the etymology of Covfefe!🤬It's also the time many are waiting for the traditional October surprise! No, I'm not talking about trickers and treaters👺, and little ones dressed up in their cutest🧜‍♀️ and scariest🧟‍♂️ costumes, like a princess🧚‍♀️(psst, if you want to combine the two go as Caitlyn J,🧚‍♂️🙈), or you can really scare someone and go as a civil war era statue!🗽😱 Btw, would it be appropriate, to appropriate an Elizabeth Warren mask if you were a fan, or would that be appropriation of 1/1024 of an indigenous Colombian and therefore inappropriate even though both native Americans🛶 and Colombians are named after wayward Italians appropriately enough?🤔 Well despite the fact that Italians sail ⛵crazier than they drive🚔, and maybe get heavy handed on their name game, they do provide the best reward for a trick, with the perfect treat and the best costume...Wine/wine drinker.🍷I believe Italians refer to it as amore❤🍾💋! I say it's time to turn the October surprise into a positive. It's time to recognize we are Americans first and foremost. So how about we surprise our neighbors across the street, across the aisle, across the country with a bottle or two of wine and a smile. No more nasty tricks, let's step our game up to tasty treats👅! Remember that we all want the same things in life more or less, we just differ on how best to get there.(hint:🍾 ) Acknowledge the sincerity and decency on both sides, lower the rhetoric, raise your glass of wine, and toast the greatest country🇺🇸, the most generous people, and the fact we have the luxury to sit around arguing about statues, Indian headdresses, late night comedy shows, Twitter posts, and news, real or fake.📰 Time to put your Twitter finger in the holster🖕, your mouse in the drawer🖱, and change to your inside voice🤫. Our American rivalries should be friendly, just pretend it's an international soccer game without the whine⚽️😭...and encourage good sportsmanship🤝...and the best way to do that is to break bread with your neighbor and uncork a friendly bottle of wine🍾. Now that's a communion we should all pray for...🥂🙏! Drink up America, and remember when you answer the door, treat your neighbor with respect and a glass of wine... if they're underage just give them that sugar high and let the teacher deal with the fallout, 😉! Remember, the only War we want is that dusty old album, so Why Can't We Be Friends? 

I seen ya around for a long long time
I really remember you when you drank my wine

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends...

The color of your skin don't matter to me
As long as we can live in harmony

Why can't we be friends
Why can't we be friends...

The Scientific Method

1/1024🛶 is not a joke if you are looking at one bottle in your wine cellar, Antoinette.

Now we all know that the scientific method 
is an empirical method of knowledge acquisition which has characterized the development of natural science since at least the 17th century.🤔 And to elaborate farther, there are 4 basic steps...make an observation that describes a problem, create a hypothesis, test the hypothesis, and then draw conclusions and refine the hypothesis. For example let's look at the problem of bacon...bacon is good but who invented this foundational food group?🥓 I hypothesize that it would have to be someone famous who lent his name to this discovery which leads us to the scientific method discoverer, Francis Bacon!👏 I test this by asking him, "Did you discover bacon? " However, he is currently dead and would not answer, so I must conclude with a certainty of 1/1024 that bacon comes from France😉, 2X chromosomes make you a girl 👧if you believe in that scientific mumbo jumbo, the earth is warming...as you go from morning to afternoon🌡, and cooling as we head towards winter.❄ As a matter of fact, it seems like the temp went from 85 to 55 like it saw a state trooper.🏍☃️🚔 There's also a better than 1/1024 chance that the global warming to be concerned with is caused by the methane released by bloviating politicians😤, braying jackasses🐎, like seeking ✔❤social media hounds, moral preeners behind internet firewalls and black masks🕵️‍♀️, and singers looking for lyric inspiration👩‍🎤.TAY TAY has made a career singing about her poor choices in men...so vote for them, huh?  And KW makes a career by marriage and making fun of Tay Tay...hmm maybe everyone wins? Haha, yeah right! Hey, believe in something, even if you only have a 1/1024 chance of being correct...Just Do It, right?!  Well, if you like your odds a little better and would rather bank on something that is good for you, tastes great and goes well with bacon with 100% scientific certainty no matter which of the 2 genders 👫you can prove using the scientific method that you are...then WINE proves the hypothesis🍷...How do you make everybody happy, reduce global warming, restore civility, increase intelligence, give people something to do with their hands other than a keyboard, MAGA and pairs well with bacon (either Francis or porcine)? Of course the conclusion is WINE🍾...then to refine...I would suggest if we want to lower the volume and lessen carbon emissions😧 that lead to global warming then it's time to gag the braying jackasses😷... they're just donkeys anyway, and the best way to do that is give then wine to drink so their mouths are full...unless they also want parfait...afterall, everybody loves parfait!🍨Drink up America...it's ok to be many layered like an onion, let's just stop being ogres👹 before someone gets Smashed in the Mouth... let's be All-Stars instead...
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now, wait till you get older
But the meteor men beg to differ
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin
The water's getting warm so you might as well swim
My world's on fire, how about yours?
That's the way I like it and I never get bored

Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play
Hey now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid
All that glitters is gold
Only shooting stars break the mold

Paradoxically Speaking

Water is still wet, and wine is better without the H Antoinette.

Get off my lawn! Bah humbug! Quiet down you bunch of hippies. Do you feel lucky punk?🔫 Well do you? Nothing but a basket of deplorables!  That's right...you guessed it...it's National Grouch Day. It's the day you're legally allowed to moan and groan, bitch and whine. The day you're allowed to get your Ol Codger, Oscar the Grouch, the Grinch, Scrooge, Clint Eastwood or HRC on(#ifyourewithher👈🙊). Feel free to gripe about whatever has your panties in a bunch, or whatever victimization you want to bloviate ad nauseum about... let loose! Get it out of your system. Cry foul! Or is that fowl🐓? Now that is something to whine about, and wine about🍷! Huh? I'm talking about language. Confusing language to be specific. Sound alike words, spelled alike words, but with different meanings. Phrases that make you pause if you didn't take them for granted. What if you only have one amend, how do you make it?🤔 What if you get rid of all the odds and ends except one, what are you left with? Why are a slim chance and a fat chance the same chance? If you are a man who's wise that's good, but if you're a guy who's wise that's bad. Remember when replacing a tranny was something you did in a garage and not swapping out RuPaul for Caitlyn J?🙈  Ever asked yourself how your house can burn up, and burn down at the same time?🔥 Ever wander/ wonder about space?  Or how is it that you fill in a form by filling it out? Alarms go off by going on?🕰📣 What would happen if a sewer fell in a sewer? Or the crew team had a row about how to row before the party on Greek Row?🚣‍♂️ Or why do they call it New Delhi if it's not new or a deli?🧀  Alright, I know...I just want to intimate to my intimates that the subject I'm subjecting you to does not require you to call me King👑 as one of my subjects, subjectively speaking. In fact the subject in this case is an object as well, and the object of my affection so I hope no one objects even though I do objectify it in a poetic sense, so hopefully no one feels objectified in a negative sense in which case I object. (In matters such as these I prefer to go the route of the indirect object). Now all this may be obvious if you're a captain, but some of us may need it made clear before all the griping and grouching and whining tears us apart, and brings tears to our eyes. Time to stop being a jerk, cuz nobody needs a tearjerker this close to the holidays.  Save your knee-jerk reactions and save the jerk for Jamaican chicken, then tear off the foil from your wine 🍾 using your sharpened foil 🤺if need be and do it neatly as a mess would be a foil to the good time to be had in the mess for the soldiers who wanted their jerk thyme chicken🍗 with the perfect foil...a buttery chardonnay.🥂 🙉If my recovered memory serves me right, and write this down if you wish, but it's all of our right to be happy in life and liberty right now whether you're in the right or left holding an empty bag...don't despair...if you go far enough around the spectrum you'll be right again... it just takes a scrub... like erasing a computer disc💾, except in this case we just need to remove the H(no worries there's no R or C)...and all we are left with is the object of my affections, and subject of this blog, and cure-all for the grouches...WINE! So uncork and unwind after your one day to unload...then let's get close before It's Too Late and a grouch close to the door decides to close it...that's just me Caroling for a King, ok queen...

Stayed in bed all mornin' just to pass the time
There's somethin' wrong here, there can be no denyin'
One of us is changin', or maybe we've just stopped tryin'

And it's too late, baby now, it's too late
Though we really did try to make it
Somethin' inside has died, and I can't hide
And I just can't fake it, oh, no, no

Red Solo Cup

Remember if you drink at home there's no last call Antoinette. 

Good morning boys and girls and others (Psst, science deniers). It's Columbus Day...a good day to consider all the things we've discovered... you know, our eureka moments... sometimes referred to as AYFKM Rhetorical devices🙉. Well, Columbus ⛵may have had a penchant for not knowing exactly where he was geographically speaking, but he surely was never as lost as many currently are in the District of his namesake (Columbia), Twittersphere, Sorossphere and Hollyweird🎥 metaphorically speaking. Willing pawns, dupes, and the unbright might deserve pity at some level... they are just sheep 🐑and can be saved. We can even explain their behavior using Academia, Psychology and the Bell Curve...i.e. unacademic Grievance Studies, motivated reasoning, cognitive dissonance and of course..."confirmation bias"...SMH🙊. Combine this with the increasing population of the dimly lit 😩💡(probably due to reliance on solar power ☀️after a rainy summer🌨) and It's plain to see where that missing person from the village who's name begins with an I and ends in a diot wound up🤔.  They followed the brick road and ended up in places like antifa-fa internships and L.A. L.A. Land.  A place where things are so out of hand, Caitlyn J has accused Bruce J of years of excessive fondling and pole vaulting!🙈Yeah,  #metoo!  It's as if I can hear the scarecrow singing now, "if I only had a brain..." Well, like Dorothy queried, "What would you do with a brain if you had one?" Well the answer of course is vote the right way🇺🇸! And, then drink lots of wine so our lives will be governed by truth, amity and justice! How do you get a brain you ask? Well it's been with you all the time, you just need to feed it brain food. Let me spell it out for you...W-I-N-E!  Maybe I should  have that transmitted out on the new Presidential Emergency Alert System?🚨 Covfefe! Hmm...better not, that might just confuse people, or as they say in Spanish, make them ocasiocortez (incoherent)🤣. Instead, I think the thing to do is for everyone to grab a bottle of wine🍾 and take it right next door to share. It's ok to disagree on things, to interpret the constitution differently, and to even argue perspectives that reflect your experiences. Just remember it's about nuance and subtlety, not an abandonment of core principles and at the end of the day we are neighbors no matter how hard the few try to divide us👎. The American🇺🇸 way is the right way, and wine will help you find your way just like Columbus!(ahhh, that explains a lot🍷). Just say no to the deliberate prevaricators🤥, pornographers😈 and pimps☠... America is about the individual, the variety, and freedom of choice. We don't need Big Brother, a Billionaire Hungarian interventionist, or bilious paid propagandist that would make Goebbels proud. Don't rewrite and create your own version of history Puffington Host, Washington Compost, and the Old Gray Lady (the NYT, not #imwithher-ed), just learn from it and report facts, not political hits! Enough of the vile and vicious attacks, show trial antics, and debasing behavior that makes you wanna yell Bolshevik! That kind of behavior only demeans the truly victimized. Now don't despair America. We got this. Ron White is a funny guy,  but i disagree about one thing....I think you can fix stupid... It's called the wine cure🍷. Now that's motivated reasoning!🥂 So grab a glass, or something that holds more wine like a Red Solo Cup...just ask my boy Toby K if you don't have one, and start pouring the wine...

Red solo cup I fill you up
Let's have a party let's have a party
I love you red solo cup I lift you up
Proceed to party proceed to party
Now I've seen you in blue and I've seen you in yellow
But only you red will do for this fellow
'Cause you are my Abbot to my Costello
And you are the fruit to my loom
Red solo cup you're more than just plastic
You're more than amazing you're more than fantastic
And believe me that I'm not the least bit sarcastic
Red solo cup I fill you up

Capital vs Capitol

Let's bring the He Shed, She Shed together with a glass of wine Antoinette.

Not since impresario and freakshow founder PT Barnum entered politics in post civil war America, has the American two party system🐘🦄 looked like the circus🎪 came to town and it's here to stay. TV has found the replacement for the recently ended Jerry Springer Show... you'll just have to watch it on C-Span...it's called Capitol Hill 🤡. Step right up ladies and gentlemen and watch the antics under the big top, otherwise known as the Capitol Dome. (Remember, when capitol is capitalized it refers to the Capitol Dome in the capital where the Stanley Cup🏆 winning CAPS🏒  play in the Capital One Arena and earn their capital💸...capiche?) Well I know Judge Kavanaugh apparently likes beer🍺, but I have a capital idea... instead of water on the table for testimony, pandering, postulating, gesticulating, Spartacus moments, drooling Californios and all around general articulated hyperventilation... have carafes of wine🍷 instead. The tone will lighten, decorum will return and truth will reign so that justice will prevail...in vino veritas!  Besides, I've always found wine pairs better with political posturing, inane accusations from left field, and fake concern to hide sleazy motives. Beer just gets you riled up and fat... wine is needed to help bring dignity to this vulgar brawl🥂. It's the only way to keep the nastiness from taking another Left turn into the sewer of human behavior. Apparently, since there is no capital punishment in DC, they've decided to inflict Capitol punishment on the masses with this embarrassing display of "unadult" behavior... you know #metwo🍼😉 I'm not exactly sure how to frame the question, but I know the answer is wine, and lots of it... and maybe a rereading of Orwell's 1984 for you donks out there... take heed and don't assume otherwise you'll make an Ass out of U and #metoo! I'll explain that after I refill my wineglass. 🍷. We are at a crossroads of civility, and the nadir of common sense, but I have the snake oil to rid you of snakes, the solution for salvation, the formula for fairness, the medicine to MAGA, the juice for justice, the cure all for the cantankerous, a panacea for the prevaricators, a nostrum for niceties, a penicillin for infectious imbecillisms, the rectifier of recovered memory,  a truth serum for tall tales, a vanguard against the vagaries of vengeful vilifications, a prohibitor of propaganda and a guarantor against guilty before innocent...sunlight held together by water...it's wine!🍾 That's right America...time to drink from the loving cup where the wine resides and pour out the kool-aid...it's no time to Flake out...we got this! Nero put your fiddle away and America do the Right thing with your vote, otherwise you'll be Left holding the bag #imwithher. So uncork the Red, fill your cup🍷, put on some Capitol Records recording act Capital Cities, then no worries. I'll take care of you and you'll be Safe and Sound...

I could lift you up
I could show you what you want to see
And take you where you want to be

You could be my luck
Even if the sky is falling down
I know that we'll be safe and sound
We're safe and sound

I could fill your cup
You know my river won't evaporate
This world we still appreciate

You could be my luck
Even in a hurricane of frowns
I know that we'll be safe and sound (safe and sound)
We're safe and sound (safe and sound)
We're safe and sound (Hold your ground)
We're safe and sound (safe and sound)