Corona🍺🦇Virus, etc.

Don't worry if you look fat this Tuesday, it's Mardi Gras Antoinette.

Well America it's Fat Tuesday and you know what that means. It's time to load up on all that stuff you're gonna give up as your penance for  Shrove Tuesday. Coincidentally, if you like your nuts covered in chocolate it's also National Chocolate Covered Nuts Day and, gentleman back me up on this, there's nothing wrong with a little mess where consuming nuts are concerned so be sure to share your nuts with any interested and consenting parties, yeah #metoo🙈. Remember too, that Lent is the time to give up things that may be bad for you which of course means you cannot give up wine🍷. It's healthy, life affirming, cognitively inducing, tastes great and was JC's first miracle🙏. So if you want to be healthy, smart, and in the Almighty's good graces then keep drinking the wine🙌. However, that still leaves the issue as to what harmful, sinful, unhealthy things should you give up. Let me point you in the right direction with what I'm giving up. But first let's kick off the Mardi Gras celebration 🎉🍾🍷🍸🍹🍺🍻🥂.

Ok, the first unhealthy vice should be obvious...put going to China on the top of your list of what to AVOID for AT LEAST the next 40 days. Now don't get me wrong, I've had the Corona Virus before, as well as the Dos Equis, Modelo, Pacifico etc.🍺, but with tolerable after effects🤕. Unfortunately this strain appears to put Montezuma's revenge to shame🤮, by replacing it with one of last centuries most notorious mass murderers and #BernieBros posterboy, Mao's Revenge☠🇨🇳. Apparently,  instead of putting a lime in the Corona sold in Wuhan, they are putting in bats 🦇. No bueno. Btw, is it me or did the Hong Kong protests just disappear? 🤔 Connection? Conspiracy? Makes you wonder? Ok, next up...I am giving up feeling the need for at least the next 40 days of building a homemade rocket🚀 out of junk parts from the dump to launch thousands of feet above the surface to take a picture of what I'm betting will prove to be a flat earth🤔🌎. If you want to perpetuate the flat earth conspiracy you should just stay home and take a picture of a fold out map. I wonder if anybody suggested this to Mad Mike Hughes (may he R.I.P), or that he could just get in a plane on a sunny day and see for himself in a high altitude flyover? Maybe climb a tall mountain with a clear view? ⛰ Imagine if this guy wasn't bat s$#t crazy(no offense China)...incredibly he built a rocket out of an old refrigerator and tinker toys and couldn't find something more useful to do with his time/life. Hopefully, after 40 days you flat earthers will see in 3-D. Next I'm giving up the Democratic Party🦄 and their debates because I'm not a fan of cannibalism🥩🦴... to chewy and tasteless. Yes you read that right. Or maybe I should say the idea of cannibalism is more accurate. Besides it's hard to pair the right wine unless you're Hannibal Lecter 🍷🙊. I'm actually talking about the Democratic debate stage🎪. Last week in the Silver State it looked like the Donner Party get together... they were eating their own and nothing looked edible. In fact a few of the septuagenarians looked like they may have survived the original trip. Mini Mike was the appetizer of choice... because there's not enough there for a full meal. Biden was left alone, because he basically eats himself every time he talks. And other than blankety blank and Booty Gig🏳️‍🌈, you're left with the two candidates who are campaigning on which one could make the debate city name's euphemism the most representational of their policies... Lost Wages, Nevada. Squaw Purveyor of Wampum Warren or Bernie I've never made a cent that wasn't tax payer funded millionaire Sanders both have plans to part you from your wallet that would make any pit boss envious. Wait a minute... maybe he does have the secret.🤔 Are you saying that if  every single person worked their whole life in an elected position for the government dependent on taxes we'd all be millionaires? It's that easy? And if we could only get Castro to teach us how to read and write we'd be literate, could stay in college until we were 40 and all for free...🤔? I love the sound of free. And if #Berniefeels can do it we all can right? Hmm,  I better take some time and think about that🤔, ok.... haha😂 good one. Nobody is that stupid right? Right? Uh oh. Oh well... and finally I think it would be a good idea if everyone afflicted would give up the shrill rants, preening shiboliths and puerile gesticulations during Lent. Ain't nobody got time for that! Drink your wine to lessen the whine and for the next 40 days learn to Cope Julian style and World Shut Your Mouth...

She's flying in the face of fashion now

Seems to have a will of her own

She's flying in the face of fashion, yeah

Seems to have it all chromed

The time was going, so frequently

She said if I try harder again

She's flying in the face of fashion now

Sells the world annually to a friend

She's singin' world shut your mouth, shut your mouth

Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth

World shut your mouth, shut your mouth

Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth

National Drink Wine Day

Wine is the answer... what was the question again Antoinette? 

Well my fellow Americans, what better way to take advantage of the new mattress you bought yesterday on President's Day, than breaking it in on National Drink Wine Day? Cheers, 🥂.

Nothing like a bottle of the grape to get you ready for bed with that special tucker in'er!😜🍾 You don't have to listen to me... but I'd advise that you listen to the Godfather and take it to the mattress. 🛏 Now where was I... oh yeah, 🍷. You might be wondering why you need to be reminded something so obvious like drink wine on a certain day... it's kind of like being told to breathe every day... just the natural course of events.  But believe it or not there are those out there who often can't seem to do even the most basic, logical, sensical things and act against their best interests daily. We have lots of names for these people...dimwits, nutjobs, ratards, loonies, morons, socialists, communists, resistors, etc🤪🤡. Because of these people we actually have to point out the importance of drinking wine at least one day a year though everyday would be better. I'll give you some prime examples of some people that have missed out on their wine ration. A group of off their rocker protestors👻 interrupted a #BernieBros for #Berniefeels rally about his support for the dairy cows🐄!? Say what? Somebody has a problem with providing milk🍼 to babies? Moo! I mean boo! I don't know who's behind this lunacy but I don't see how PP and the pro choicers could get away with supporting that. "Let dairy die, " they shouted. Can you imagine being so far left of sane that you protest America's oldest non working communist's rally?  Not only that, but they're upset that Ben of Ben and Jerry's is high up in his campaign (and he's not the only one🙈). Apparently, they've  been currying favor with the #BernieBro types with free scoops of Half Baked🍨. Hmm, not sure the anti-dairy types thought this through. I mean I naturally presume these are non contributing basement dwelling, pale, vegetarian types so I'm wondering what's left to eat while they're wiling away the hours downstairs in their mom's "dank" basement. They can't order out for pizza🍕... cheese🧀 needs cows🐄. And it would take a lot of lactating almonds to provide the necessary milk for a bowl of Fruits and Nuts Muesli! No ice cream🍦, chocolate🍫, brownies etc. etc. Nothing, and since they aren't the types to be yelling, "Mom, the meatloaf. We want it now. The meatloaf," they'll have to yell "mom, the kale🥬. We want it now." I think that basement just got a whole lot danker🌬. There are two absolute truths... dairy makes your bones stronger🦴, and drinking wine🍷 makes you smarter🤓...if you imbibed you'd  know things and Make America Great like George and Abe. Just ask Tyrion, he knows things. 🤔 And unlike Tyrion, these probable Darwin Award winners for Astoundingly Stupid Judgement are more prevalent than ever and besides not drinking milk, are certainly not drinking wine. They don't know anything. Just like the non wine and milk drinking misogynist and baby hating socialist billionaire from NYC who is trying to buy his way into the Democratic presidential candidacy with ads while never saying a coherent thought. The DNC is finding itself in a tough spot these days...asea in the wild blue yonder like the Titanic...caught between the bloviations of the non wine and milk drinking hammer and sickle crowd and an icy berg... a Bloomberg. Ahoy, full flank starboard before it's too late🗣! 🚢 Of course, Michael 'Ice'berg who is one of those people who are often wrong but never in doubt thinks he has the answers, and could do anything with a step stool🙊 including  farming or raising dairy cows, because..."any dummy could" which of course makes him qualified.

There are plenty more examples of those that need to be reminded to drink wine so they'll know things. Take the lactose and vino intolerant hoaxing sons of Pinocchio🤥, J Smollett and A Schiff. These Darwin finalist have proven lying and hoaxing can get you on TV if you're the latter and off TV and possibly in jail if you're the former. These guys have never sipped from the nectar of the gods. Because if they had they would learn that 1) Don't write checks when perpetrating a felony on camera with poor stage managing,

and 2) Don't show your face publicly or speak publicly when everyone knows that both prove you to be a rat faced liar. Remember boys, in vino veritas! These guys could use some milk as well, they're pretty scrawny. 🥛💪Of course there are other examples including those who actually have partaken in the grape, but they whine😭 way more than they wine🍾. Indicative of this is the free fall of viewership over the last few years for the Oscars and the Grammys. Whatever the talents of the nominees and hosts may be in the fantasyland of Hollywood or wherever counts as music city these days, their pontificating and hypocritical virtue signaling whine has proved stultifying to the sane viewers📺. So while they may drink wine, they obviously aren't drinking enough. Probably a good idea to make it National Drink Wine Year...oh, and lay off the peyote!🚭 Just to be clear, wine has amazing beneficial effects on cognition🧠 and lessening the whine🤐. However, like all elixirs it's important to follow directions and drink in moderation. Those that don't, like Two Fisted Nancy🥂 can only speak in slurs! 🤔 So my advice to you my fellow American is to uncork a bottle of your favorite wine🍾, share with your neighbors, friends and foes, optimists and pessimists and bring amity and pleasantry to your surroundings🥰. If everyone does this... someone would go to jail because there's an age restriction and someone needs to drive, but not to worry...just obey the laws, ensuing amity will be shared by all, and the kids will be happy that you're happy. Afterall, they probably owe their being to a President's Day mattress sale and National Drink Wine Day anyway😉. So have a little party, invite your neighbors and maybe even David Lee Murphy will show up with some wine. Don't worry if there's a little Dust on the Bottle...

Creole Williams lived down a dirt road

Made homemade wine like nobody I know

Dropped by one Friday night and said, "Can you help me, Creole?

Got a little girl waitin' on me and I want to treat her right"

I got what you need son, it's sittin down in the cellar

He reached through the cobwebs as he turned on the light and said

There might be a little dust on the bottle

But don't let it fool ya about what's inside

There might be a little dust on the bottle

It's one of those things that gets sweeter with time

Roots

I only got one rule and that's never bet money that you don't have on a dog race with an ex-girlfriend who happens to be a stripper... words to live by Antoinette. 

So if the above rule is true then it would be the basis of my being... my root. What grounds me, keeps me focused and on the straight and narrow. In other words...a metaphor that has become an idiom. Like pulling yourself up from a bootstrap🥾, or laces...#AOC. Not meant to be taken literally necessarily, but certainly presumes at least a modicum of literacy don't you think Cortez? Oh yeah, I guess not. Does anyone find it ironic that a part time bartender became a member of Congress and doesn't comprehend the expression?🤔 Anyway, Roots are something to lay down both literally and figuratively. Afterall, if we don't we'd all be on that Open Road like a bunch of hobos👍.

Seeds would be wind surfing and there would be no plants🏜 left to suck that nasty CO2 out of the air preventing the root cause of global warming🌡. You know that climate event that elitist politicians, actors, swedish teenie boppers and assorted 1%ers rail against while riding around in their gas guzzlers🛥 and zipping around in their G6🛩? Speaking of which I think I need to fuel up...🍷. Now that gets to the root of the matter. And speaking of the root of all evil... no no no, not root canals🦷... I'm talking Hollyweird🧚🏼‍♂️🧚‍♀️. You know the land of fiction which as we know means untrue like the epic and entertaining work of fiction, Roots, based on Alex Haley's fictional memoir that was passed off as nonfiction... you know... not untrue! Sorry Kunte! Double negatives aside, Hollyweirders aren't necessarily the root of all evil👹 though they do often contain the twin sins of money and idleness. They live in la la land, so it's very hard for them to discern reality from Disney🤡. This is probably why they can't figure out that the root of the demise of Oscar viewership to the lowest level ever is because nobody needs to hear from someone who makes a living by being fake🎭 tell you how to live and what you should actually think. The other reason is they keep picking retarded movies for best picture🎞 that nobody watches... ever. The last few years movies named Birdman, Spotlight, Moonlight, The Shape of Water, and the subtitled Korean flick Parasite won the little statue. AYFKM? Subtitles? There's a foreign film category... do you know what that's for? Foreign films with subtitles. You know what didn't win... American Sniper, Hacksaw Ridge, Dunkirk and 1917. I think I need a Root Beer without the root🍺. Well Hollyweirders can live in their pretend world not rooted in reality, but the rest of us live in the real world which means our expectations need to be rooted in real life. Afterall we are the grass roots... the normal, sometimes even deplorable members of society that make the engine go🧰. The people who choose leaders to represent the views they were chosen to represent, not lord over us with their personal views that ironically tie into whatever interest group, power broker, pac fund, etc. that will benefit the swamp creatures🐊 most #pierredelecto. Of course grass roots also suggests power from the ground up. The kind of power that's supposedly the root of that famous Square, #Berniefeels. Of course you know the symbol for square root is the radical sign which seems appropriate to nutjobs🤪 worshipping at the altar of stupidity... socialism! Talk about the root of the world's evils not to mention hypocrisy. As we know hypocrisy is rooted in the Greek from the word for pretenders and dissemblers. You know like millionaire socialist politicians and high cheek boned white Squaw victims of the American Way with only a couple houses🏰 each because there's only so much money you can make on the public dime💰. Wake up America... time to eat a root vegetable like carrots🥕 so you can see clearly. I on the other hand will improve my clarity with a martini made from the grass roots like barley🍸. Ah... now I can see clearly👁. No more rooting around in the dung heap💩 of failed philosophies🇨🇺, false prophets, and doomsayers.

It's time to count our blessings, regale in our good fortunes, and root for the home team, #MAGA. 🇺🇸  This work week ends with VD. If you're like me and your glass is half full🍷 then you'll be celebrating that which is great with your special someone, celebrating life, eating chocolates, drinking wine🥂 and dancing the horizontal mambo🕺💃🛏. But if you're like the sourpusses who think the sky is falling, suffer from TDS, and have run out of safe spaces...

then your VD will require penicillin... metaphorically speaking. (What that means is you might not actually have a venereal disease #AOC... just figuratively... which means it's just a saying and not meant to be literal). America don't be a sourpuss. Don't be Nancy Negative and rip your life to shreds over your chardonnay glass being half empty... that's forever! Instead have a rootin tootin good time this week and stop crying over the spilled milk of a lost election. Buy yourself some candy hearts and  red wine and share with someone special. Remember, the root of all evil is an empty wine glass and no prospects for the night. 💋😉 Speaking of metaphors and Valentine's Day sentiments, how about this love song from Banjo and Sullivan... I'm at home getting hammered...

We started in the morning, carried well into the night

Throwing dirty dishes with all our might

Sad commentary on a marriage that has failed

I'm at home getting hammered while she's out getting nailed

Well, the moral of this story is sad but true
I love to drink and she loves to screw
Hobo?s got a better life, riding on the rails
I'm at home getting hammered while she's out getting nailed

Hail to the Chiefs

It's funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems excessive, but 8 beers just seems like a good first half of the game Antoinette.

Well America, once again it's the Tuesday after the super bowl which means it's our second workday of the week... no Monday holiday. I say it's time to move past this impeachment sideshow and focus on what will truly #MAGA and #KAG. #SUPERBOWLMONDAY should be a national holiday!🥂🎉🎆 We respect the solemnity of the birthday of that "8 pound, 6 ounce, newborn baby Jesus don't even know a word yet," and give everyone the day off🎄. We also get time off for his death and resurrection. So it's seems only fitting that the other main religion in America, football🏈💒, receives the same respect. A day to relish in victory or languish in defeat😎😭. A day to count your blessings like your prop bet winnings from the orange Gatorade and the under on the Anthem👩‍🎤, as well as a day to prop up the struggling pharmaceutical companies💊...well actually that's less about them and more about erasing the after effects of your many adult beverages of choice🤕. Remember, win or lose we booze🍺. Anyway, these are the tough issues we need our politicians addressing in the Hawkeye State. Instead we get the infighting and fratricide of the blue party trying to be all things to all people while telling everyone the sky is falling even when it's not. In fact it's so bad now that Dems are afraid that with Uncle Joe sinking faster than an olive in a Pelosi martini, Bernie Feels might get elected thereby interrupting the corrupt nature of the #DNC.  In order to stave that eventuality off we get the billionaire version of B.S. ...the candidacy of M. Gloomberg along with his ridiculous and expensive commercials. I've seen statues with more personality🗿. On top of that now we even have the possibility that Teheran Kerry will throw his hat in the ring as payback for sidekick Soleimani to avert a potential party Bern! Well if that doesn't work there's always the chance he could suicide himself. 🤔 #imwithered. You may also be wondering about the Asian guy👨🏻‍🏫, or the gay guy🧚🏼‍♂️, or what's her name and what's his name🎭.... stop it... that's the kind of funny that's not Haha funny. Those are just resume building candidacies. Then all that's left is the one person that can represent all the victims in the Big Teepee Party🎪. I'm talking about the Heap Big Chief. No, no... not Super Bowl winning, MVP earning Patrick Mahomes of the Kansas City, Missouri bordering Kansas City, Kansas Chiefs.

I'm talking about the one with no shortage of wampum to spread. The inverse of B.S. where you get S.B...Sitting Bull!

#Fauxahontas Warren... the white lady from Massachusetts. Now of course Mahomes looks like a Chief, afterall, he's got the headdress with the arrowhead, but I'm guessing he doesn't have the high cheekbones and  he certainly can't get fictitiously fired for having a papoose. 🤥 👶 I wouldn't be surprised though if Sen. Warren claimed victory in Iowa because of her tribe's victory over the 49ers. Score one for the Indians over those invading gold miners.🏹 Apparently though, nobody can claim victory in Iowa at the moment. It seems as though either Russia, Ukraine, Burkina Faso, the Seychelles or the #DNC may have interfered in the raucous caucus in the heartland. I don't know about you, but I smell a #Swalwell.🤭 Hmm, anyway there's more good news...Punxsutawney Phil couldn't find his shadow so we are in for an early spring. Apparently, the weather forecasting rodent is not a denier and global warming should be on time. That's not to say it won't snow, or freeze or get really hot in between... those are just more proof of climate change.🤔 I say it's always the man's👤 fault... unless of course it's not. In fact I think there was a fair amount of global warning occurring in the middle of the Chief's win on Super Bowl Sunday...

🔥🌡Shakira, Shakira... those Hips don't Lie

I never really knew that she could dance like this

She makes a man wants to speak Spanish

Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa (sí, sí)

Shakira, Shakira

Oh, baby, when you talk like that

You make a woman go mad

So be wise and keep on

Reading the signs of my body

I'm on tonight

You know my hips don't lie

And I'm starting to feel it's right

All the attraction, the tension

Don't you see, baby, this is perfection?