Life through Rośe Colored Glasses

Derby day is for Derby's and other funny hats Antoinette.

Big week 'Merica! We're finishing up the April showers in order to bring you May flowers. So now that your petunias have been watered🌺, it's time to move on to the more important blooms. That's right, it's time to "Run for the Roses"⚘... which means it's time to uncork the Rosés!🥂 What better way to celebrate roses, horse races, triple crowns, sports betting, French defeats(hey let's keep this positive) , and Mexican wins. You heard that right. The last time Mexico won a war (besides a drug war💊🔫🙊)was against the French in 1862🙈, and the last jockey to win the triple crown was a hermano from a Mexicano, Victor Espinoza...on a horse named American Pharoah🏇. "Wait! I thought there was a wall?" There is a wall, but it's a Wall of Voodoo, and don't quote me because ... I understand just a little, No comprende, but it's a riddle and It was on a Mexican radio.🙉 So don't believe all you hear on the MSMM(main stream Mexican media).But I  digress...this Saturday we get to enjoy the septennial event of the Kentucky Derby and Cinco de Mayo. That's right... the rare combo of a Kentucky hoe down(not a world's oldest profession buffet) and a Mexican fiesta. Otherwise know as Bourbon, Beans and Fire Down Below!☠Might be a good idea to stuff the piñata with Beano.😷 Or better yet, ditch the bourbon mint julips and beans for wine and fajitas...the after effects will be more crowd pleasing😉. Besides, as bueno suerte would have it...a good bet for this year's Derby winner is serendipitously, Vino Rosso! So my suggestion is put a little money down on this horse with top Vegas sports book, William Hill US. Then have plenty of William Hill wines on hand to celebrate your Derby Victory, Mexican Victories, drinking holidays named after days of the week, the fact it's Saturday, global (annual, not the other kind🔥) warming, the fact that you still have another week to remember your mother, and finally, it's only a couple more weeks until you get to acquire that RBF...Resting Beach Face!🏖 And don't listen to the Talking Heads out there...they might think riding in circles is pointless, but at least you can see your future...

We're on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Taking that ride to nowhere
We'll take that ride
I'm feeling okay this morning
And you know
We're on the road to paradise
Here we go, here we go

PS: a good bet would be to not listen to my betting advice!

Shakespearean Drinking Advice

It's Monday... Wine a little so you don't whine a lot Antoinette.

To be or not to be, that is the question...to which Shakespeare replied with a Yes! Huh? April 23, marks the 454th time he was to be, and the 402nd time he was not to be. And that's no B.S.! Well it is B.S., or it was when he signed his tweets... (remember they used to only allow 140 spaces). So who better to turn to for the weekly inspiration to drink wine than the Bard of Avon, the O.G. of Words and Wine, the Iambic Pentameter Rhyme Busta, the Soliloquy Speaking, Sonnet Saying, Free Style Purveyings of B.S.! That's right... within all the plays and poems written by Bill, there is a blueprint of life lessons and advice from Stratford-Upon-Avon’s most renowned export on all things alcohol. Take for instance, The Merry Wives of Windsor, (well don't take without permission, #metoo)...Falstaff and the boys know the troubles from too much drink, and drinking with the wrong crowd, “Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five senses” and “I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.” (word of warning... never drink with sharp knaves around, or you might get stuck.... with the check!😉) But Shakespeare also knew the value of wine as a peacemaker. There is no better way to bury the hatchet, or nuclear weapon Mr. Kimchi and Mr. Ayatollah, than settling quarrels by inviting all parties to dinner and wine, “Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness”. Shakespeare also has some good advice for being wary of drunken promises, and how too much wine may cloud our vision. In other words things might not be As You Like It. Take for instance crossdressing Rosalind♀️ who after being kicked out of court, comes back as Ganymede♂️ (psst, boys name) and unintentionally garners the affection of Phebe💘. (B.S. was 400 years ahead of the LGBTQXPalidocious community) But in this case, Rosalind was only looking for access to court, not a change in lifestyle. "Don't be stupid...For I am falser than vows made in wine.”💔 Beware! Sometimes you have to see what's underneath the clothes before sealing the deal!🙈 Shakespeare also knew it was important in any group to have a non drinker. Every group needs a teetotaler or pregnant member for designated driving. Othello had Cassio, who refrained from drinking because as he said, “I have very poor and unhappy brains for drinking...” That is until he succumbs to peer pressure from Iago, and gets fired for causing a ruckus.🙉 Lessons here are don't bow to peer pressure, don't jump off a bridge cuz someone else does, wine muscles aren't very strong and don't have friends named Iago. Now if you
need advice  for dealing with annoying dinner guests, consider Henry VIII before he became a headhunter.  “Good company, good wine, good welcome can make good people”... uncork a nice Pinot and they’ll either become more sociable, or you'll care less. And finally, if you want to resolve any disputes... whether it be Montagues or Capulets, Othello or Iago, Macbeth or Banquo, Duke or UNC, Tastes Great or Less Filling...“Eat and drink as friends”... then you'll surely be successful in The Taming of the Shrew. If that doesn't work, try another bottle of wine and a classic Shakespeare pick up line such as, "Your lips are like wine and I want to get drunk"!🙊well you can't have B.S. talking about wine and women without song so even though Lady Macbeth may have scorned human kindness, my boy Billy wasn't Bragging  or virtue signaling when he sang...

If you're lonely, I will call
If you're poorly, I will send poetry...
I am the milkman of human kindness
I will leave an extra pint...

Toxic Masculinity

Real men drink wine without sniffing the cork Antoinette,

Alright men, time to buck up! There has been a cultural movement the last several decades dedicated to destroying the idea of the traditional male for being "toxic", as well as the biological distinction between the genders (when that distinction is not in their favor that is). Science has been overtaken by insanity! The only thing toxic about masculinity is the after effects of a poker game where the h'ordeuvres consisted of bean dip and bacon rinds☠. Time to MAGA and bring back the traditional image of men... strong, stoic 🗿wine 🍷drinking types like John Wayne🤠, Bogart, Eastwood, Denzel, General Patton, Dick Butkus, Jim Thorpe, James Bond, Teddy Roosevelt, Margaret Thatcher 😉etc...The world was a better place and safer... they weren't hiding in basements protected by a mouse🖱, they were out kicking ass and taking names. Don't forget Real Men* come in all forms, well maybe not millenials...but they are young, so there's still hope and, afterall, they are a victim of their influencers, BUT...the first thing they need to learn is that Real Men aren't victims! Ask your Depression Era, Market Crash, Dust Bowl, WWII fighting grandad if he was a victim... he'll show you what's behind the woodshed! 😰 The problem is now days boys can't be boys. If they get a little rambunctious they get drugged up💊 to calm them down...if they lose they get fake participation trophies🏆... and if they make fun of the kid for eating the goodies up in his nose they get a month in sensitivity training.🙉 I say enough is enough. If the kid is truly incorrigible give him a smack on the back of the head then send him off to military school...hopefully he'll get some sense and a backbone and with any luck he'll get Gunny...(R. Lee Ermey, RIP🇺🇸)! Besides the cultural attack on men, I think the next biggest problem is there's a lot of misinformation about Real Men. Real Men don't eat quiche...well they do its just called an egg scramble with hash browns. Real Men don't use smelly liquid soaps like Axe...you don't get masculinity by branding something after tools of a lumberjack....ever smell a lumberjack? Yeah me either, but they're wearing eau du tree sap not anything that would appear in Metrosexual Monthly! Slap on a little Old Spice or Aqua Velva and you're good to go. On Saturday night when guys do shower🛁🙈, they use Ivory soap or the like, unless they still have some Lava soap around...which they need to scrub off the grease and their skin after working on their car all day🛠....before having it towed to a mechanic to undo their mess. Also, Real Men love the environment, they just can't drive a Prius...if the power of the car is measured in SHP(seahorse power) instead of HP...it's a no go🚘. The general rule is the worse the mpg is the better the vehicle...sorry for the Inconvenience Al🏜! Why do you think God put dinosaurs on the earth? He was thinking ahead and knew that one day we'd be driving a fossil fuel guzzling '69 GTO with our best girl by our side on the way to a bar...not the Farmer's Market and then Bed, Bath and Beyond! And btw, when we get to the bar remember, Real Men don't use straws in cocktails, they're for spit wads and we're eco friendly 😁...if you drink a cocktail🍹, don't be Clueless, take the straw out...it might be good for Cher Horowitz and ladies in general to draw attention to their mouth👄 but not guys... throw back the cocktail then order a straight Catoctin Rye Whiskey back to rinse your mouth. Also, Real Men don't drink beers that have to be garnished with fruit. We get all the fruit and vegetables we need in a can of orange crush and corn on the cob🌽. And of course we supplement the fruit with the fruit of the vine🍇. If you want fruit in your drink, have sangria... it's wine and good enough for bull fighters in Spain🐃. Real Men drink all kinds of wine, (notice wine doesn't use straws... cuz wine drinkers are sophisticated like real men). Real Men also don't drink with their pinkie extended unless it sticks out that way from multiple sports related dislocations🏈🏒🏉🥊. Real Men do drink rose, but they prefer Frosé... reminds them of a 7/11 slurpee... the drink of construction workers before happy hour🍻 and after coffee🍵.  Real Men drink all kinds of alcohol, and of course all wine because it helps us do what Real Men do best...come up with fool proof pick up lines to always get the girl like, "Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause you’ve got fine written all over you". 🙊And finally, Millenials pay attention...wine is Scientifically proven to boost testosterone!🤥 Get your balls back like Ricky Bobby, drive fast, give the Prius to your grandma, and grab your Harley🏍, truck🚒, or anything with a hemi🏎! Real Men don't need more testosterone but we follow the adage that generally speaking, more is better... more wine please🍷 and more James Brown...It's a Man's World

You see man made the cars
To take us over the road
Man made the train
To carry the heavy load
Man made the electric light
To take us out of the dark
Man made the boat for the water
Like Noah made the ark...
This is a man's world
This is a man's world
But it wouldn't be nothing
Nothing without a woman or a girl

*The above real men are fictional. Any likeness to a "real man" currently living is coincidental.

Epicurean Delights

The Perils of Prosperity lie in excess and laziness Antoinette,

The problem with the modern world of canned expressions, bumper sticker logos, memes, and 280 character tweets is they are too often substituted for intelligent thought and more often than not get the meaning wrong or lead you down the rabbit hole of whatever agenda is calling your name... if you don't know what that means, Go Ask Alice.🐰 We often live by expressions, slogans and labels. For instance, Carpe Diem, YOLO, or letting Myers-Briggs tell you what your personality is...(btw my Myers-Briggs is either ESPN or NSFW, depending!😉) Protect yourselves! Someone is always telling you what to think, how to think, what's good, bad etc... but of course everything comes through a filter... theirs!  You're better off trusting your own experiences. You know what makes you happy, and what causes you pain just like you know what varietals you prefer. You need to read and consider, pour and taste to gain perspective. Just make it longer than a meme or headline from the Washington Compost or Puffington Host. You want your wine filtered, not the truth. In vino veritas! If you want the truth, and you can handle the truth, then you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. What wall you ask... the wall that will Make America Great Again. The wine wall!🍷 Because wine is the perfect allegory for life. The Carpe Diemist and the YOLO'ers think they have discovered the secret to life, but really all they are doing is reliving the Roaring 20's, otherwise known as the Aspirin Age because of the hangover🤕. The age of Ballyhoo and excess just led to great depression, dusty bowls and war.😩🏜💣 They thought they were siezing the day, but they were actually just grabbing their head in pain. And because they couldn't fit the whole quote on the bumper sticker, they don't know the rest of Horace's words after carpe diem...quam minimum credula postero. Seize the day, put very little trust in tomorrow (the future)". The ode says that the future is unforeseen and that one should not leave to chance future happenings, but rather one should do all one can today to make one's future better. Excess leads to bad health, bad decisions, envy, greed and an embarrassing night of karaoke👩‍🎤. Epicurus knew that true Epicurean delights were derived from simple pleasures... good food that doesn't give you gout, good company (that's not paid for by the hour🙈), and good wine... where thought went into it early so it will grow, produce and age into a beautiful bottle of the nectar of the Gods.🍾 That takes preparation and work. Epicurus wasn't a hedonist in the modern sense... that's for college students, communes, rappers and TMZ. He and Horace believed in the senses, feelings, life experiences, and perceptions. In other words trust your feelings, and use logic to make decisions to temper your natural desires and avoid the pain of excess. That way, we will find our place in the natural world, and learn to live with moderation, simply and joyfully in the company of good friends, good books(even those without pictures) and good wine. I'm not ready to hear Nero playing his fiddle 🎻over the decline and fall, just saying.  Time to be Slick,  find meaningful happiness, and have the Grace to share your wine with friends. If you're confused...

When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead
And the white knight is talking backwards
And the red queen's off with her head
Remember what the dormouse said
Feed your head, feed your head
Go ask Alice, I think she'll know

Wine is never cliche

Time to announce your presence with authority, Antoinette.

Well it's April...a good time for new champions, new seasons and new wines. Tonight we will crown a new National Champion for men's college basketball ⛹️‍♂️and last night we finally got a new and different women's National Champion⛹️‍♀️... sorry Connecticut it was just the luck of the Irish.🍀 By Sunday we will green jacket a new Master's champion at Augusta🏌️‍♂️, and who knows it might be a Cinderella story👑!  Save some champagne to celebrate🍾! But of course the big thing is we have a new season of America's pastimes underway... baseball⚾️ and a new vintage of wine growing🍇.  It's no coincidence that spring, baseball and wine come together... hope springs eternal in April, when every team is still in the pennant race and every grape dreams of a 90 pt rating at seasons end. Walt Whitman once said, "I see great things in baseball. It's our game, the American game🇺🇸. It will repair our losses and be a blessing to us." Well it may have distracted Americans from the Civil War, but it doesn't fix any losses. If you want something fixed you have 2 choices... duct tape or wine🍷. But it's April, be optimistic! Easter has passed, and our spirits are resurrected, so it's time to turn to the church of baseball like Annie Savoy and remember what Crash Davis said, "it's all about the sweet spot"😉🥂🌋.  Though newness abounds, tradition, history and vintage cliches remain. Baseball and viticulture seasons line up exactly so if you're going to make it through the season you're going to have to learn your cliches. Now get out pen and paper📝 and pour yourself a big merlot because it's time  to brush up on our clichés which not surprisingly are shared by both ballplayers and vintners.  You're gonna have to study them, you're gonna have to know them. They're your friends. They are what gets you through the ups and downs of a season... they don't fix anything🛠, but they buy you time. Now write these down: We gotta take it one day at a time. We're just happy to be here. Hope we can help the team. We just want to give it our best shot, and the good Lord willing, things will work out. We left it all on the field and always gave110%. We're taking it to the next level. It’s not over til the fat lady sings.There’s no tomorrow. Everybody’s on the same page. It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. See? Hard to tell if I'm talking baseball or wine growing. But what's really important is how you play the game. A good friend of mine used to say, 'This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.' Think about that for a while." I think in Durham they'd call this a lot of Bull. It might still be a little cold out for those night games, but it's not too Cold to Play...just get home safe!
Home, home, where I wanted to go
Home, home, where I wanted to go
Home, home, where I wanted to go (You are)
Home, home, where I wanted to go (You are)