Toxic Masculinity

Real men drink wine without sniffing the cork Antoinette,

Alright men, time to buck up! There has been a cultural movement the last several decades dedicated to destroying the idea of the traditional male for being "toxic", as well as the biological distinction between the genders (when that distinction is not in their favor that is). Science has been overtaken by insanity! The only thing toxic about masculinity is the after effects of a poker game where the h'ordeuvres consisted of bean dip and bacon rinds☠. Time to MAGA and bring back the traditional image of men... strong, stoic 🗿wine 🍷drinking types like John Wayne🤠, Bogart, Eastwood, Denzel, General Patton, Dick Butkus, Jim Thorpe, James Bond, Teddy Roosevelt, Margaret Thatcher 😉etc...The world was a better place and safer... they weren't hiding in basements protected by a mouse🖱, they were out kicking ass and taking names. Don't forget Real Men* come in all forms, well maybe not millenials...but they are young, so there's still hope and, afterall, they are a victim of their influencers, BUT...the first thing they need to learn is that Real Men aren't victims! Ask your Depression Era, Market Crash, Dust Bowl, WWII fighting grandad if he was a victim... he'll show you what's behind the woodshed! 😰 The problem is now days boys can't be boys. If they get a little rambunctious they get drugged up💊 to calm them down...if they lose they get fake participation trophies🏆... and if they make fun of the kid for eating the goodies up in his nose they get a month in sensitivity training.🙉 I say enough is enough. If the kid is truly incorrigible give him a smack on the back of the head then send him off to military school...hopefully he'll get some sense and a backbone and with any luck he'll get Gunny...(R. Lee Ermey, RIP🇺🇸)! Besides the cultural attack on men, I think the next biggest problem is there's a lot of misinformation about Real Men. Real Men don't eat quiche...well they do its just called an egg scramble with hash browns. Real Men don't use smelly liquid soaps like Axe...you don't get masculinity by branding something after tools of a lumberjack....ever smell a lumberjack? Yeah me either, but they're wearing eau du tree sap not anything that would appear in Metrosexual Monthly! Slap on a little Old Spice or Aqua Velva and you're good to go. On Saturday night when guys do shower🛁🙈, they use Ivory soap or the like, unless they still have some Lava soap around...which they need to scrub off the grease and their skin after working on their car all day🛠....before having it towed to a mechanic to undo their mess. Also, Real Men love the environment, they just can't drive a Prius...if the power of the car is measured in SHP(seahorse power) instead of HP...it's a no go🚘. The general rule is the worse the mpg is the better the vehicle...sorry for the Inconvenience Al🏜! Why do you think God put dinosaurs on the earth? He was thinking ahead and knew that one day we'd be driving a fossil fuel guzzling '69 GTO with our best girl by our side on the way to a bar...not the Farmer's Market and then Bed, Bath and Beyond! And btw, when we get to the bar remember, Real Men don't use straws in cocktails, they're for spit wads and we're eco friendly 😁...if you drink a cocktail🍹, don't be Clueless, take the straw out...it might be good for Cher Horowitz and ladies in general to draw attention to their mouth👄 but not guys... throw back the cocktail then order a straight Catoctin Rye Whiskey back to rinse your mouth. Also, Real Men don't drink beers that have to be garnished with fruit. We get all the fruit and vegetables we need in a can of orange crush and corn on the cob🌽. And of course we supplement the fruit with the fruit of the vine🍇. If you want fruit in your drink, have sangria... it's wine and good enough for bull fighters in Spain🐃. Real Men drink all kinds of wine, (notice wine doesn't use straws... cuz wine drinkers are sophisticated like real men). Real Men also don't drink with their pinkie extended unless it sticks out that way from multiple sports related dislocations🏈🏒🏉🥊. Real Men do drink rose, but they prefer Frosé... reminds them of a 7/11 slurpee... the drink of construction workers before happy hour🍻 and after coffee🍵.  Real Men drink all kinds of alcohol, and of course all wine because it helps us do what Real Men do best...come up with fool proof pick up lines to always get the girl like, "Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause you’ve got fine written all over you". 🙊And finally, Millenials pay attention...wine is Scientifically proven to boost testosterone!🤥 Get your balls back like Ricky Bobby, drive fast, give the Prius to your grandma, and grab your Harley🏍, truck🚒, or anything with a hemi🏎! Real Men don't need more testosterone but we follow the adage that generally speaking, more is better... more wine please🍷 and more James Brown...It's a Man's World

You see man made the cars
To take us over the road
Man made the train
To carry the heavy load
Man made the electric light
To take us out of the dark
Man made the boat for the water
Like Noah made the ark...
This is a man's world
This is a man's world
But it wouldn't be nothing
Nothing without a woman or a girl

*The above real men are fictional. Any likeness to a "real man" currently living is coincidental.