Wine is the Missing Ingredient!: Shakespearean Drinking Advice

It's Monday... Wine a little so you don't whine a lot Antoinette.

To be or not to be, that is the question...to which Shakespeare replied with a Yes! Huh? April 23, marks the 454th time he was to be, and the 402nd time he was not to be. And that's no B.S.! Well it is B.S., or it was when he signed his tweets... (remember they used to only allow 140 spaces). So who better to turn to for the weekly inspiration to drink wine than the Bard of Avon, the O.G. of Words and Wine, the Iambic Pentameter Rhyme Busta, the Soliloquy Speaking, Sonnet Saying, Free Style Purveyings of B.S.! That's right... within all the plays and poems written by Bill, there is a blueprint of life lessons and advice from Stratford-Upon-Avon’s most renowned export on all things alcohol. Take for instance, The Merry Wives of Windsor, (well don't take without permission, #metoo)...Falstaff and the boys know the troubles from too much drink, and drinking with the wrong crowd, “Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five senses” and “I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.” (word of warning... never drink with sharp knaves around, or you might get stuck.... with the check!😉) But Shakespeare also knew the value of wine as a peacemaker. There is no better way to bury the hatchet, or nuclear weapon Mr. Kimchi and Mr. Ayatollah, than settling quarrels by inviting all parties to dinner and wine, “Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness”. Shakespeare also has some good advice for being wary of drunken promises, and how too much wine may cloud our vision. In other words things might not be As You Like It. Take for instance crossdressing Rosalind♀️ who after being kicked out of court, comes back as Ganymede♂️ (psst, boys name) and unintentionally garners the affection of Phebe💘. (B.S. was 400 years ahead of the LGBTQXPalidocious community) But in this case, Rosalind was only looking for access to court, not a change in lifestyle. "Don't be stupid...For I am falser than vows made in wine.”💔 Beware! Sometimes you have to see what's underneath the clothes before sealing the deal!🙈 Shakespeare also knew it was important in any group to have a non drinker. Every group needs a teetotaler or pregnant member for designated driving. Othello had Cassio, who refrained from drinking because as he said, “I have very poor and unhappy brains for drinking...” That is until he succumbs to peer pressure from Iago, and gets fired for causing a ruckus.🙉 Lessons here are don't bow to peer pressure, don't jump off a bridge cuz someone else does, wine muscles aren't very strong and don't have friends named Iago. Now if you
need advice for dealing with annoying dinner guests, consider Henry VIII before he became a headhunter. “Good company, good wine, good welcome can make good people”... uncork a nice Pinot and they’ll either become more sociable, or you'll care less. And finally, if you want to resolve any disputes... whether it be Montagues or Capulets, Othello or Iago, Macbeth or Banquo, Duke or UNC, Tastes Great or Less Filling...“Eat and drink as friends”... then you'll surely be successful in The Taming of the Shrew. If that doesn't work, try another bottle of wine and a classic Shakespeare pick up line such as, "Your lips are like wine and I want to get drunk"!🙊well you can't have B.S. talking about wine and women without song so even though Lady Macbeth may have scorned human kindness, my boy Billy wasn't Bragging or virtue signaling when he sang...