Santa's gonna find out if you're naughty or nice Antoinette!😉
Every Wine Drinker in Wineville Liked Christmas a lot...
But the lunatic Fringe and commies did NOT!
The Fringe hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be they're isis, antifa, or atheist
It could be, perhaps, that they're way too PCist!
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
Is their heart and their brain were two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, they felt bitterness to those,
Who enjoyed Christmas Eve, sipping Cab Franc and Pinot
Staring up from their gutter with sour, fringy frowns
They hated the Christmas spirit alive in our towns.
They knew every Wine Drinker in their Wineville abodes,
Were busy now drinking, and “wink, wink” ‘neath the mistletoes
"Bottles of wine in their stockings!" They snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then they growled, with their Scrooge fingers nervously drumming,
"We MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"
For Tomorrow, they knew, all the Wine ladies and gentlemen
Would wake bright and early to uncork the Chambourcin!
And then the pop of the corks, Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing they hated! The Noise of their joys!
Then the Wine Drinkers above, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on Wine-pudding, and rare Wine roast beast.
A thing the vegan Fringe couldn't stand in the least!
And then they'd do something the Fringe liked least of all!
Every Wine Drinker in Wineville, the tall and the small,
Would uncork more wine, huddle together and watch Football
They'd sit on the couch, And the Wine Drinkers would start cheering!
They'd cheer! And they'd cheer! Without spilling the Riesling!
And the more the Fringe thought of the joys it would bring,
The more the Fringe thought, "let’s stop this Christmas thing!"
"for centuries we have put up with their Christmas celebrations!"
"time to stop Christmas and Wining just like communist nations"
Then they got an idea! An awful idea!
The Fringe GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"we’ll make protest signs and chant they’re bigots and fascists.
Make fun of their religion, the opiate of the masses."
And they chuckled, and clucked, "What a great fringy trick!"
"With these signs and these protests, we’ll get rid of St Nick!"
"All we need is some haters, protesters and atheists
We’ll look in the basements and ‘sylums for socialists"
It didn’t matter that Christmas started western civilization
All that matters to the fringe is their selfish Godless nation
"We’ll outlaw any vestiges of the Christian tradition,
We’ll remove nativities and reinvoke prohibition"
While the Wine Drinkers were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
The legions of Scrooges were plotting their despair
"We'll misinterpret the constitution and ban all things Christmas,
Get our culture from Seinfeld, and replace it with festivus"
When they wake up tomorrow they'll find an injunction
From the 9th circuit court, banning Christmas time functions.
"All stockings with wine will be the first things to go!
Then we'll ban Santa Claus, bah humbug, hohoho!"
The Fringe slithered and slunk, with their smiles most unpleasant,
"We'll ban all things Christmas, and double tax every present!"
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
It doesn't matter to them, this tradition for the masses,
Just the constipated opinion of a couple jack asses.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"
They'll think they've been bad, and this is a punishing.
They're just waking up! We know just what they'll do!"
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Wine drinkers down in Wineville will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Fringes, "That we simply MUST hear!"
So they paused. And the Fringe put their hands to their ear.
And they did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
Merry Christmas you filthy animals, time to go Home Alone
Your efforts to kill Christmas are like getting blood from a stone
So despite the best efforts of the A C L U
The lunatic Fringe had failed to come through
They stared up at Wineville! The Fringe popped their eyes!
Then they shook! What they saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Wine Drinker up in Wineville, the tall and the small,
Were singing and drinking with wine bottles for all!
They HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Fringe, with their fringe brains in the hellfire below,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"We banned their festivities! We heavily taxed the wine!"
"We outlawed their verbiage, it’s just not PC they whined!"
And they puzzled three hours, till their puzzlers were sore.
Then the Fringe thought of something they hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," they thought, "doesn't come from a store."
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in Wineville they say,
That the Fringe's small brain grew three sizes that day!
They realized if you don’t like the message of the nativity
Then keep it to yourself and save the price of a new Christmas tree
Abandon the fringes, the grinches, the wench
Embrace Christmas spirit and you'll go down as a mensch.
Don’t hate on the Magi, the Lord or Christianity
Rejoice in your day off, Home Alone speaking silently
The rest of us will drink wine and share in the glory
Of our Red Ryder BB Gun, Pink Onesie and A Christmas Story
Don’t shoot your eye out!
Merry Christmas and a redux of last year's poem as a bonus gift from Santa. 🎅🍷
Remember Santa Claus is watching Antoinette,
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a drop of wine present, no way to get soused;
The stockings were empty, the Christmas tree bare,
In need of St. Nicholas to slake my despair;
The children were sleeping, a free night ahead;
No visions of sugar-plums, just more wine instead;
With momma in her onesie, and room enough for Pap,
We'd settled our brains, wink ;), no need for a nap!
Then out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight cases of cheer,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.
My night had been rescued, there was wine on the way,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Here's Cab Franc! And Malbec! And Pinot are you listening!
More Cab Sauv! And Champagne! Now time to get Blitzen!"
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Ain't got no time for that, just leave it in the hall!
So up to the doorstep, the reindeer they drew
With the sleigh full of wine, and munchies for two;
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his boot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with wine stains and soot;
Eight cases of wine he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes, how they twinkled! his dimples, how merry!
No doubt he'd been sampling, the wine he been ferrying!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Uncorking the bottles, icing down the Gewürz!
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
Wink wink and a nod, out the front door he goes;
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like a Max Scherzer missile.
And I heard him exclaim, as he flew out of sight
"Christmas wouldn't be Christmas, without onesies and wine flights!"
Merry Christmas to all!
