Raison d'etre is wine not raisins Antoinette,
Time to get a move on. It's the 4th quarter of advent, the game is on the line, and it's time to finish strong and score the perfect gift. Since this is the season of giving I've got a couple of surefire suggestions... the gifts that keep on giving... free advice and wine! First of all, to all you jihadist terrorists out there wanting to disrupt holiday festivities by blowing yourself up with Black Cat firecrackers💣 in NYC subways, you may want to rethink your martyrdom. Koran scholar, Mashdi, has determined the word for virgin has been mistranslated and actually means raisins. Now don't get me wrong, an extra scoop of raisins sometimes can make you right, by that I mean regular, but I'm not sure the terrorist recruitment poster would be all that successful if it was a box of Sun-Maid raisins instead of 72 nubile lasses👙. Raisins are raisins for a reason... they couldn't cut it as wine grapes. My advice to you is the hereafter is a mystery, don't put all your grapes in one basket and don't get stuck eating fiber for eternity. Choose the wine grape and enjoy heaven on earth in a nice Barolo. You'll have more friends, and who knows... you might meet a lovely young virgin who likes you as you are... in one piece!😁 Next, apparently there's a new space type movie🛰 sequel that just came out for little kids🙆♂️...er, I mean for all grounded adults and children reading above grade level...I think it's called, Star Wars: Return of the Return of the Jedi from the Final Frontier (gee I hope that didn't trigger anyone... but if Superman can meet up with Ben Affleck, then I don't see how Captain Kirk and Captain Vader wouldn't eventually run into each other at the Officer's Club). You would need something out of this world for that occasion, go with Chateau Margeaux. Now, don't get triggered, but I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, and when all the white is gone I'll start in on the red😉🍷 Actually, I'm sure there will be snowflakes❄... you know... the kind that melt... just stick your tongue out and say polar ice cap... it will sound like the Wicked Witch of the West (Hollywood? ) ... I'm melting! According to British insurance company, Aviva, 3/4 of all millenials take offense to being called snowflakes and believe it causes added anxiety and hurt feelings.😭 Hmm. My advice to the land of Churchill and snowflakes everywhere, is to follow his lead... drink day and night and smoke good cigars.🥂 I call it the gift of the backbone... and I would pair this with a fortified wine... make it a gift of Port. And finally, time to pat myself on the back and accept the deserved congratulations...my weekly inspirations for the masses to drink wine have paid off... the Washington area has just been awarded the honor of America's heaviest drinkers! 👑🥇🏆When I came to this region years ago...I had one vision in mind MAGA-BDWAOABOC*. Hard work always pays off in the end so let me get to the Christmas party before Captain Kirk says something inappropriate to Princess Leia... that would be a Space Oddity, but it's ok, I outrank him...This is Major Tom to Ground Control. I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way,
And the stars look very different today
For here am I sitting in a tin can
Far above the world, planet Earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do...
*Make America Great Again by drinking wine and other alcoholic beverages of choice
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