Madder than a March Hare

You know when Distilleries convert to make sanitizer over alcohol the solution is officially worse than the problem Antoinette. 

What in the Wuhan is the world coming too? Now I'm no conspiracy theorist, but there's something rotten going on and it didn't come from Denmark. It's bad enough the ChiComs use their captured 1.7 billion member workforce to flood the market with cheap goods, firecrackers and Apple parts. Or that they can influence WHO to be complicit in their Wuhan flim-flammery during the first couple months of its discovery. What? What flu...I don't see any flu! Maybe all this was done deliberately to weaken the west and control them by controlling loans e.t.c which means of course hamstringing 'Merica👎. Or maybe it's the DNC using the upheaval to keep their man Biden... you know... the guy who puts the Dem in Dementia... from having to slur publicly, then they'll tell him who they want to be VP which means president, because if he wins it will be seconds before he'll claim health and incoherency have forced him to step down. Well I don't know about all that, or whether this is a nefarious plot for big government types to gain control at the expense of the individual but I do know that "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore."

Wait a sec, let me cool off with my favorite flu shot 🍸...ok! A 2 Trillion dollar relief package is a big package... and believe me I know about that kind of thing 🙈🙉🙊, and that might be a cure or it might be worse than the sickness... we'll see... but the powers that be seem to be missing the real problem. No SPORTS! AYFKM? I used to think the Baseball All-Star ⚾️break was worse than a junkie detoxing and that was only 3 days. I mean how many times can you watch a replay of the Wake Forest-App State football 🏈game? Btw, who's ever picking the replay lineup on ESPN needs a new career path. Too many so what games. Anyway...the Chicoms and their BatGuano market habits have ruined one of the two best times in the most important calendar that matters... the Sports Calendar. They've taken March Madness and made it something evil... like worse than how Kentucky fans think of Laettner and those Blue Devils😱. Right now we should be in the middle of bracket insanity🏀, meltdowns at the Master's🏌️‍♂️, and Opening Day with the crack of the bat⚾️, blazing Fastballs and trash can banging for all you Houston Asterisks😉! Instead we get replays, attempts to create mass hysteria by CNN with running death counts...(imagine if someone actually watched the channel how upset people would be,🤔) and instead of bracket updates we get toilet paper calculators. The world has gone upside down. We need sports to go with our booze🍾🍷🍸🍹🍺🍻🥂. Think of all the people this is hurting... arena and stadium vendors, the beer guy, the cart chick... yeah I know, #metoo, DraftKings employees and hey Peking... with the Olympics officially throwing in the towel what are you going to do with your 'roided up female swimmers🏊‍♀️? Stick that in your fortune cookie and smoke it! Look I did the math... carried the one, and have determined that sports can be played with no harmful effects other than the typical crosscheck in a hockey game🏒. Btw, I saw that an NHL player came down with the Wuhan Wham Bam, do they list that as an upper body injury?🤔 Using simple math📐📏📈 and the knowledge I gained from sleeping in Holiday Inn Express I've determined that if you take the number of players and referees on the ice, ballfield, arena, golf course, race track🏇🏎 and even pitch though I'm sure they are at higher risk😷... divide the area by number on the field... they will all be safely socially distanced! There! I've solved the biggest problem of our generation... the problem of how a cold could stop all sports. Thank you... now beer man...🍺! Keep the change💵. And like my Okie friend Merle Haggard said, if you don't fix this soon you'll be Walkin' on the Fightin' Side of Me...

I read about some squirrelly guy
Who claims that he just don't believe in fightin'
And I wonder just how long
The rest of us can count on bein' free
They love our milk and honey
But they preach about some other way of livin'
But when they're runnin' down our country, man
They're walkin' on the fightin' side of me

They're walkin' on the fightin' side of me
Runnin' down the way of life
Our fightin' men have fought and died to keep
If you don't love it, leave it
Let this song that I'm singin' be a warnin'
When you're runnin' down our country, man
You're walkin' on the fightin' side of me

Chinese Takeout

Do you find it ironic Antoinette that the first thing you do at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting is tell everyone you're an alcoholic?🤔

Well peeps, it's a different time we're living in at the moment. We have other things to worry about besides #globalwarming, #metoo, and even campaign shenanigans. Currently nobody cares how #Berniefeels, or that the #AOC is AWOL, or #fauxahontas is doing the ghost dance, and #Biden2020 is happy he doesn't have to slur over his words publicly for the near future though he does miss the sniffing. 🤭 This is a time for America and the world to come together. Though there are many who hope the calamity will lead to the success of their political views over their opponents, hopefully most realize that when America does well, the world does well, #MAGA. And it's to this end that I've been tirelessly working this week. I know millions of you are wondering where and waiting for my weekly antidotes to the problems and vagaries of our existence. I apologize, but not to worry...it's because I've been in the lab busily concocting the vaccine/remedy for the perilous pestilence plaguing people presently.🤜🤛 Unlike the perfidious pretenders poisonously populating platforms with fake news, clickbait answers, and armageddon scenarios that would scare the most miserly of toilet paper connoisseurs...I focus on reality. We don't need politicians politicizing perils posthumously para political posturing. We need true, workable solutions to real world problems, and I'm happy to say that as far as you know I've discovered what's been in front of us the whole time... adult beverages. Wine, beer and liquor🍷🍺🍸 taken in any ratio works with 100% effectiveness (as long as you avoid contact with every other human being, bats, people that hang around bats, people that eat animals that eat things bats crap on, e.t.c, etc) Follow my prescription and we'll drive out the Covid19 quicker than St. Patrick drove out those euphemistic snakes🐍!

Now of course because of the immediacy of this crisis there is no time to go through the normal channels of the FDA approval process so you'll just have to take my word for it... trust me🤥, ;)! Anyway, how did we get here you might be asking? Well it starts with the Chinese. Not the good ones who came to America, help build the railroads, developed quick, takeout restaurants, aced the SATs, and have been discriminated against by all the limousine liberals left licking their wounded pride because these Ivy League wannabes got waitlisted from getting into their famous pass/fail pretend institutes of higher learning🏛. If only they had worked harder and were smarter because they sat next to Chin🤔. No I'm talking about the ChiComs🇨🇳. Those still left in Red China who are stuck behind the Great Wall 🧱of ignorance. Those who have only read the little red book📕 of Chairman Mao Tse whatever comes from my Tung is a lie Chinese. People who are still in the dark this late into the 21st century and don't realize that when you put fruits🍎, vegetables🥬 and meat🥩 for consumption next to live domestic animals🐕 and live wild animals🐘 who eat those fruits after bats🦇 have defecated💩 on them without washing their hands or using charmin🧻, then butcher them and in front of millions of humans who then go home and eat these products🤮... well Houston you might have a problem🤒😷. Remember peeps, this isn't the Wuhan Flu 1 or Chinese Influenza Dì Yī. This is Covid19! We've been here before and eventually the disease figures what it's up against and mutates🌬. Time we did the same. This isn't the common cold, or the sickness that good Irishmen🍀 wake up to daily. This is a zoonotic disease which means it jumps from animal to human, and then in this case mutates to spread human to human without any built in defenses. And because this is new we need new remedies and plans of attack. When people eat bats🦇, things that eat bats, things that bats leave their guano on... then the world goes batshit crazy. Reminder, this is the year of  the rat🐀. A bat is a flying rat... responsible for the bubonic plague, black death☠, a lot of eeks and so yuck that only slithery snakes🐍 eat them. Well China, as a thank you for the railroads🚂 and Hunan Beef🍜 I'm here to help you, me and the rest of the world. I have the answer... copious amounts of alcohol 🍾which, since you're Chinese you probably know is also a Solution... and in this case... the solution! After a week plus in the lab I've found that old rules don't apply...out the window go old axioms of "beer before liquor, never sicker," or "wine before beer and you'll feel queer," and even "too much liquor and you'll feel sicker." Nope. Tut, tut Winnie the Pooh🐻 and Tigger Too🐅... strange times call for creative measures and the elixir of the Wuhan wham bam is alcohol in any combo, frequently partaken, and continuously while in the company of your significant other who is receptive of your medicinal reactions🛏. You know things like,  "hey baby, you're the hot ass in my shot glass." Or, "I see you got some liquor, wanna give me a shot?" And finally, "do you like cocktails, because I think you and I should mix."👄 Remember, social distancing is for groups of 10 or more... that leaves a lot of room for fun.🙈🙉🙊 and probably a good start on the next generation who will undoubtedly be called Coronials👶. Now, I hear you out there..."what about the youngins?" I hear you, and first I would adjust the drinking age to where it should be...18🙌. Afterall, I think it's important that adults learn to hold their liquor before being allowed to vote. Secondly, this is a sickness of #okboomer... Youngins you'll be fine... don't visit the grandparents for the time being, share the controls to the video games, take turns on tv options, and wash your snot nosed hands🧼. Remember how lucky you are... every kid since the beginning of mandatory public education has wished for a calamity that would keep them out of school... you're welcome... and remember that one day you'll be talking to your kids about how hard it was "back in your day." #Okfutureboomers! Time to drink until you're vaccinated or have cured yourself🍻, and remember... don't make the cure worse than the disease💰. We got this America🇺🇸...Just listen to Arlo Guthrie and the City of New Orleans... they knew how to get through disasters...

Good morning America how are you?

Don't you know me I'm your native son

I'm the train they call The City of New Orleans

I'll be gone five hundred miles when the day is done

Dealin' cards with the old men in the club car

Penny a point ain't no one keepin' score

Won't you pass the paper bag that holds the bottle

Feel the wheels rumblin' 'neath the floor

And the sons of Pullman porters

And the sons of engineers

Ride their father's magic carpets made of steam

Mothers with their babes asleep

Are rockin' to the gentle beat

And the rhythm of the rails is all they dream

Good morning America how are you?

Don't you know me I'm your native son

I'm the train they call The City of New Orleans

I'll be gone five hundred miles when the day is done

March on Women

Antoinette, do you know what J Smollett and M Bloomberg have in common? They both spent a lot of money to get beaten!🤣

Well the party of diversity has narrowed their choices down to who represents them best. You know... old white guys who have become rich on the tax payer dime, and powerful because of the snow job🌨 they've been selling constituents for 40 or so years. Really Dems? A couple of nearly 80 year old wannabes... one with a bad ticker💔 and the other with a bad thinker🧠! "You know, the thing." Yeah, I know Tulsi is still in the race officially, but ever since that other nearly 80 year old man and former wannabe, #imwithher, accused her of being a Russian asset🕴🏼 (which is different from Uranium One, the Steele dossier e.t.c) the DNC PR Firm, MSM, has isolated her into oblivion. What? She's not a man... oh my bad...I guess I thought she self identified...wo-man! Well since it is March, and March is women's month it's probably a good time to ponder why there hasn't been a successful XX♀️candidate for the big house. Ironically, HRC has been as successful of staying out of one big house🚔, as she has been unsuccessful of getting into the other big house🏛 without the aid of Slick Willie. Hmm, I guess she'll have to come up with her own way to soothe her anxiety?🙈🙉🙊 And now Squaw HeapBigWampum 🛶has withdrawn from the race after not even winning her home state leaving the dream of the first elected female president to at least 2024😪. According to several articles published this week this is a sure sign of misogyny😡. Apparently, only men were allowed to vote in the primaries, or the women who voted were pressured by their male counterparts because women can't stand up for themselves, or the women who didn't vote for the female candidates are no more than Aunt Salleys, or whatever the Uncle Tom equivalent would be. We know this because it couldn't be that the only 2 candidates who had a legitimate shot of winning in the last two elections are 1) grossly unlikable and dishonest and/or 2) so far left of center and crazy that their policy proposals are completely unworkable while also struggling with the truth. I think I'm going to need a double to prepare myself for the mindless and reactionary clapback!🍸🍸yeah #metoo. Oh well... Anyway, isn't the point of equality that we judge by talent and by the content of the character not the color of skin or whatever may or may not be dangling below?🙈 I think I heard someone say that once!🤔 Don't we want to at least like the people we choose. Electing a woman only because she's a woman is as bad as only electing a minority because they are a minority. We don't need affirmative action in the presidency...we need talent, energy, strength, compassion and a belief in America🇺🇸. We don't need to check a box. We don't need the crusty, librarian school marm type🧟‍♀️ who will rap your knuckles with a ruler because you whispered to your neighbor, who scolds everyone for everything, refuses to listen to anything she doesn't want to hear and then goes home to her 7 cats.🐈 Btw, lest you think I'm being sexist this goes the same for men. In fact, I think if you switched the sexes for the last 4 candidates of the gender fluid party🧚‍♀️🧚🏼‍♂️, the traits would be more stereotypically correct. Hey, gender is a personal choice right... which means there's no such thing which means we've probably had a female candidate. Or maybe, she can reenter the race as a male, claim she's 1/1024 masculine, and see if she does any better.🤔 Nah, the real blame here is that in 3 years of hating the current incumbent to the point of TDS hysteria, you would think there might have been a better candidate in the mix. We're Americans! We will buy what you're peddling if we like you and/or think you can get the job done without trying to remake the  greatest country in the world into a failure. If you want a competent successful female candidate... get one to run then support them👩‍💼. More importantly, just get someone competent. There will be a female president who checks the woman/ Indian box legitimately...Nikki Haley will succeed there in 2024. She really is a woman, an Indian, competent and likeable and would have my vote because she's competent and likeable. If I cared about the sex of the president and chose on those grounds then I would prefer the human embodiment of Barbie whose B-day we celebrated yesterday. I mean who wouldn't want a president that was blonde, stylish, drove a pink jeep, and had an IQ of 36-18-38? #MAGA. 😜 Or maybe someone like

who I heard was once very close to the presidency! Now that I can toast 🍻. And if you are resigned to electing an 80 year old to the highest office in the free world, then elect the guy who helped make it so and turns 80 today... Chuck Norris! The guy who gave Death a near Chuck experience. The guy who wins a staring contest with the sun. The guy who could kill your imaginary friends. The guy who puts the laughter in manslaughter. And for you millennials, the guy who can strangle you with a cordless phone. #okboomer except with Chuck it's #boomersooner. Remember Americans, it's not about political parties, it's about American success. Security, economy and the pursuit of happiness...JFK knew something about that last one, and his buddy Frank knew something about doing it the right way, My way!

...Regrets, I've had a few

But then again, too few to mention

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exemption

I planned each chartered course

Each careful step along the byway

But more, much more than this

I did it my way

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew

But through it all, when there was doubt

I ate it up and spit it out

I faced it all and I stood tall

And did it my way

Historical Hysteria

According to the #AOC if you drink Dos Equis you won't get the Corona virus Antoinette. 

If you thought last Tuesday was fat, wait til you get a look at this Tuesday... today... Super Tuesday... now that's phat! Thats right boys and girls,  it's an historically big day for the Republic. The big tent party we call the DNC, who tries to be all things to all people from communists, to communist sympathizers, to communist pretenders (socialists), safe place and free stuff seekers, automotonophobists and logophobists, SJWs and of course those with TDS are going a long way in deciding whether they can get their candidate honestly through an open primary system or will they have to resort to a brokered convention which just means a swamp creature wins not named #Berniefeels. Might be time to join Nancy in her bottomless glass of Chardonnay.🥂 Just a thought but maybe if the Dems spent more time on seeking a worthy candidate instead of throwing a temper tantrum over the last election and putting all their eggs in the impeachment hoax basket, they'd be in better shape.🤔 Well perhaps they've latched onto something now though... people getting flu during flu season.😀🤩😛 If they can just turn this virus into a Super virus of biblical proportions then maybe one of their septuagenarians can beat the current office holder septuagenarian. Unlikely from the look of things, but who knows?  If they get their wish for America and millions die of the Corona virus, or the Corona virus with a touch of lyme disease 

and the stock market plunges, and the country enters into economic catastrophe, and Lil Kim shoots a missile🚀 at somebody, and the polar ice caps melt💧 then maybe they can win the election with who they've brought to the table and their dreams will come true. Like Obamanista, Rahm Emanuel, said "never let a good crisis go to  waste." So with the concerted aid of their MSM shills📰, and in the grand tradition of Jussie Smollett🤳🏿, it's time to create a crisis. This is actually a different take on the "wag the dog" theory and you're probably gonna want to refill🍺. Besides, alcohol kills germs!🍸 In fact I recommend going 2 fisted... keeps your hands germ free🍻. Ok let's look at the newest hysteria being hyped by anyone who will benefit. A strain of flu originating in China🇨🇳 where it emanated from either a leaked military experiment🔬, a bad bowl of bat soup🦇🍛, possibly a ploy to scatter the Hong Kong protestors, or 2020's version of the Steele Dossier📕 created to affect an election outcome with foreign help. Wait that sounds familiar!🤔 Anyway, a couple of countries, and a few cities around the world 🌏have self quarantined. No school, no travel, no big conferences and no, "hey wanna a sip from my glass?" Of course this also throws a ringer in the love life department of indiscriminate hook-ups🙈🙉🙊. Ain't nobody got time for kissing this😷. Actually, a pandemic is a bad thing. It just seems at least at this point that we are reacting hysterically. Up to now 6 people have passed in the USA because of this though all were already very sick before contracting which is usually the case with fatal flu's. The CDC, much to the chagrin of the political opportunists say it's being handled well and that they respond exactly the same way no matter who is president... ouch! That had to hurt. Let's try and put this in perspective. First of all, stop naming every sickness, storm, scandalgate, e.t.c. If this still referred to by its real name,  COVID-19, nobody would be panicky. But giving a quaint name to diseases drives meme revenue wherever that comes from, and possibly political and so called news type people's career. So like the SARS epidemic and Swine flu epidemic in recent years, worldwide hysteria has ensued. But the truth is 10s of thousand of people worldwide die annually from the old run of the mill flu. The other flu shot flus have killed 16,000 Americans so far this flu season. According to the CDC 61,000 Americans died in the 2017-18 season. Back in 2003 when the Chinese born SARS scare was all the rage, 774 people worldwide passed. In '09, the WHO raised the threat level for the Swine flu🐽to the maximum phase 6. That year 12,269 Americans died because of it. The next year 37,000 Americans died from the regular flu and 43,000 the next year. So I guess truthfully, if you name them less people will die... however if you play your cards right you can blame it on your political opponent, crash the economy, and ruin a beer that makes you think of a warm, sunny day at the beach. 

Whoa! Hold on there fella. That's where I draw the line. When your silly hysteria impinges upon my drinking schedule then it's time to stop. 🍺Salud! Stop panicking people🚫. Stop causing them to fort up at home after emptying the milk, bread and toilet paper aisle. The Canadian rag, The Globe and Mail, said that somebody somewhere heard from a guy who knows a guy's aunt's brother that 40%-70% of the world's adults will be infected... maybe. Of course they don't tell you that 99+% of those infected will be just fine. As is the case with the other flus. As always wash your hands and drink lots of alcohol... you'll be fine🍾. What you should be hysterical about is that people are running for government as communists, that there are politicians that want American to  fail to better their political chances, that our government and corresponding debt are way too large, that in this day and age there are still places where happy hour doesn't start until 5:00, and the overabundance of hyperbole like the need to call everything an existential threat, or Hitler, or stupid words like acculturation, whatever'denier and all the rest. That 💩 has to stop. 🤚 In fact, I say it's time to get all the Kinks out and more importantly Stop Your Sobbing...

It is time for you to stop all of your sobbin'
Yes, it's time for you to stop all of your sobbin', uh huh
There's one thing you gotta do
To make me still want you

You gotta stop your sobbin' now
Yeah, stop it, stop it
You gotta stop your sobbin' now

It is time for you to laugh instead of cryin'
Yes, it's time for you to laugh so keep on trying, uh huh
There's one thing you gotta do
To make me still want you

You gotta stop your sobbin' now
Yeah, stop it, stop it
You gotta stop your sobbin' now