State of the Union

You're in pretty good shape for the shape you are in Antoinette.

Well America... it's time for our annual physical so grab ankle and cough.🌡  Time to get the score of the game and see what's the current State of the Union, or as hashtaggers like to say, SOTU! This imagery is vivid I know, and it might make you think of one of two things... if you're Kevin Bacon it's "Thank you sir, may I have another." And if you live near the nation's capital it might make you think of being incarcerated because Washington, D.C., is where the only politicians with convictions are in prison... (Ba doom cha, here all week... try the bread and water) Hopefully nobody was humming dueling banjos in their head, ugh! Anyway, in the SOTU the President will talk about how he's making America great and what's next. Then the opposition will rebut with how he's not and what they would do if "What happened" hadn't happened. Just curious, but in the midst of the #metoo climate, don't you think the Dems may want to roll some other political family out besides the Kennedy's and Clinton's? 🤔Asking for a friend. Anyway, today I've been given the honor of assessing the SOTU through wine filled glasses🍷. Wine is about optimism, about possibilities, about how the future captures the past and we learn from the lessons of experience it teaches us.🥂 Hope, trial and error, and pursuit of perfection. Pretty good metaphor for America me thinks. And since I was always taught that it's a good idea to include a quote from an authoritative source in any speech, I thought I'd give my argument substance and help bring about e pluribus unum from this nation of free states and slave states, red states and blue states. So who better than the good Doctor to get us started on the right foot...So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better. It's not.You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left. Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try! A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean. Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.🍷🥂🍾Remember brothers and sisters, comrades in arms, all my peeps and the ones on the wait list...a house divided against itself cannot stand. That doesn't mean we all have to agree on a single varietal, it just means we need to share in each other's wisdom...and wine... you can top me off, thanks. Democracies are about compromise, so let me implore all the swamp creatures 🦎to come to the SOTU loaded... with wine for all. It's the perfect something to cross the aisle for and with. It's the affordable universal health plan...for all adults. You youngins are gonna have to stick with the 'tussin until you're old enough! It's the compromise in a bottle and a solution in every glass. It's what made Beauty love the Beast and Elisa love the Creature from the Black Lagoon.💘 Since we are talking about the swamp, wine will get the Oscar as the best Shape of Water!😁🏆Let's be thankful for the good things in our life and the blessings of America no matter which party gets the credit. And let's work towards compromise and constructive dialogue  on our pressing issues. Time to uncork the bottle, share the wine and wash the enmity away. There are always divisions we just need to listen to Leon and build Bridges over the rivers of divide...
Tip me in your smooth waters
I go in
As a man with many crimes
Come up for air
As my sins flow down the Jordan

Oh, I wanna come near and give ya
Every part of me
But there's blood on my hands
And my lips aren’t clean

Take me to your river
I wanna go
Go on,
Take me to your river
I wanna know

TED WINE Talks

You like apples? How about these apples Antoinette?

Ideally speaking, it's a good idea to spread good ideas. And since modern technology has given us the capability and we aren't luddites we can share in all the good ideas floating around the www💻 relaxing in idyllic settings and sipping on the ideal Bordeaux🍷 while reading or listening to the latest piece of ideological brilliance from the scientifically proven, fact checked ideas from any of the plethora of trusted outlets and ideologues available on A.G.'s internet machine of your choosing. Though he may have been wrong about the world melting by 2010🏜...and who could have predicted every state in the union would begin 2018 with below freezing temperatures☃️ (I'm pretty sure I saw a polar bear in the nation's capital)...at least he got this weekend right... thanks for the thaw...and I'm sure you appreciated the break on your $30,000 utility bill... that must have been inconvenient...true story! At least he left us with the ability to answer all our questions just a mouse click away. Don't listen to Jack, you can handle the truth...for good ideas just listen to the man... no not "The Man", he's shut down at the moment... has anybody noticed? I'm talking about TED. TED is the guy for anything you want to talk about regarding Technology, Entertainment and Design. But what you probably didn't know is TED's last name is WINE and that's where I come in...TED asked me to say a few words about why Wine Is Necessary Everyday. Remember, as I often say, in vino veritas, in wine there is truth. It may be inconvenient at times Al, but it helps us focus on what we're up against in this life and for those of you not working today, gives you something constructive to do with your hands. 🍷The first thing to remember is that wine represents optimism...it's pro-life (don't get your diapers in a bunch, I'm not talking about that...though wine does make you more fertile, more romantic, and how should I say this, more prolific 🗼🌋)! With wine in your life, there's something to look forward to everyday. Besides being the elixir of happiness, it wards off disease, keeps you looking younger, makes you more eloquent and others better looking... eventually! It's also the best line of defense against oxidants as well as the best weapon against free radicals. No, I'm not talking about the basement dwelling lazy toxic byproduct of communist/socialist thought who believe like Diogenes that "the best wine is that for which other people pay"...we have Venezuela for that. I'm talking about the evils in your body. Wine is the only "tonic" scientifically proven to cleanse both mind and body. You can check this on my newly created fact check site, "Are You F'ing Kidding Me," guaranteed to be 100% accurate. Just check AYFKM if you have doubts.🤔 It's also the drink of choice if you wanna be "woke" to the kleptocratic politicians out there. You know the ones who wanted to be president or hold another high office because it looked good on their resume. Or those who, after years of public service on the public dime, somehow managed to leave office at the little known GS Level I like to call 💲GazillionaireS💲. That kind of public service is aka the oldest profession! The way to MAGA, is to pay our elected and appointed officials with wine. It will make them lucid, healthy, and producers of many future taxpayers. Speaking of which in case you were worried about the shutdown of Big Brother, the government will maintain vital services such as the military and IRS collections. However, other things like tax returns and the CDC will be on hold. Consequently, the only way to protect your health and get you through the tough times until you get your return is to drink wine. And for those of you unhappy about having to pay less taxes and receiving a company bonus, wine will help and don't worry it's taxed! For any additional money you have remaining from the tax cut and bonus you feel ill-entitled to, I'm starting a gofundme for hardworking, taxpaying, winedrinking individuals who believe wine is the answer to life's problems, not their Big Brother! So siblings follow me and  I'll lead you away from the lowest level of Buddhist hell...🤔😉🥂

Hey brother! There's an endless road to rediscover
Hey sister! Know the water's sweet but blood is thicker
Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do

The Meaning of Life

In the words of Olivia Newton John... let's get philosophical Antoinette!

The new year is a good time to endeavor to make ourselves smarter and live a more wholly satisfying life by finding its meaning...In other words... how do we deal? Of course the problem is new year, but same old brain. Never fear! I have the solution and it comes in bottle form and from the alternative sophistry I'm about to lay on you (that's kind of like a double negative so that makes what I say true, or at the very least... alternative facts). Or if you'd rather you could skip to the end of Monty Python's movie, and agree with their answer on the Meaning of Life..." Well, it's nothing very special. Uh, try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations" and then look at gratuitous pictures of Freud's "cigar" if you want,😉 but where's the fun in that?  Remember, wine and philosophy are alike in that they are possible to live without, but that wouldn't be wise. So pour a glass and let's begin while remembering what Voltaire told us, "taste invites reflection".  Philosophically speaking... the "art of the deal" is to find common ground. Places where we all can agree. Nothing huuuuge or bigly happens without it regardless of how much collusion is thrown your way. If you don't understand this you'll be left out in the cold writing about "what happened" 😉 while sitting around a house fire in Chappaqua. Or if you're in Hollywood or on Capital Hill where words confuse you... you'll think yes means yes and no means yes, and if no means no, it's yes until you get the part, elected or an Oscar then it will mean no again, but then...what is the definition of is? 🙈🙉🙊Do you understand what I'm saying?  Yeah it's confusing to #me too! 🤔Well one thing everyone agrees on is wine. Whether you're a philosopher like Plato who said, "No thing more excellent nor more valuable than wine was ever granted mankind by God"; a stargazer like Galileo who was grounded enough to realize that "wine is sunlight held together by water"; a football coach like Vince Lombardi who said,  "win or lose, we booze"🤥; a religious leader like Jesus who turned water into wine for his first miracle; or a psychoanalyst like Freud who thought you drank because of your mother or father, or Jung who thought you drank to make yourself whole. You might just be yin looking for your yang in a bottle of Nebbiolo, or Otis from Mayberry R.f.d. looking for his tau in MD 20/20. The philosophical musings on the what is and why's isn't important... just know the answer is wine. One thing for sure is you know wine is a problem solving, life giving, temper taming, love making deal maker. It lifts you up, moves you forward, and tastes good with meat and anything else you put on your plate. Martin Luther said, “God is not behind you with a stick, but with a glass of Malvasia (wine) in front of you.”🥂 Martin Luther Jr K dreamed about it and “...that [his] four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of [the]skin [of the grape that made their wine], but by the content of [the] character [of the wine in the bottle]!" Even Chip and Joanna think it's the best Fixer Upper and the only way to make strong "Gaines"! Apparently, it also makes you more fertile than a Kansas cornfield🌽 since the Gaines will be gaining baby number 5... currently in the oven. Philosophy is a way to give meaning to life... no matter which of the Power 5 it emanates from: philosophy, religion, science, psychoanalysis, or sports. But that's only half the battle... the other half is wine, kids, and maybe a cigar... ok throw in a couple friends... that is what gives life meaning. So keep those close... love and cherish them and drink with the one you love. Remember Brock, Bill and Harvey, I'm not talking about a college frat party, a convention of political interns, or a Hollywood movie set when I say love the one your with...I'm just repeating what the Old Guy Pliny said, "in vino veritas", in every bottle of wine there is truth.  So just sit Stills and listen:

If you're down and confused
And you don't remember who you're talking to
Concentration slip away
Because your baby is so far away
Well, there's a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with....
Don't be angry, don't be sad
And don't sit crying over good times you had
There's a girl right next to you
And she's just waiting for something to do
And there's a rose in a fisted glove
And eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with

Don't play with your words at the table!

The human race isn't a race, it's a race to more wine Antoinette!

Wise guy, Socrates, said "the unexamined life is not worth living," so I think the beginning of a new year is a good time to examine our lives and where we came from, so that we can see where we are and where we're heading whether the weather is cold or not or even if this was the year of the gnu. We live in confusing times🤔... and it's only made more confusing by our language and our roots of which the previous sentence is a perfect example. Since the primary foundation of American roots are the British, we are inextricably tied to them... only separated by a common language. They like to add extraneous and unnecessary letters to their words, but Americans were shaped by the practical necessity of surviving in a wilderness so we didn't have time for such ostentatious lingo. We got rid of letters and to save time we used the same word to represent many things and often used different words without changing their sound. Where, were, we're  and we are...? See what I mean.😭 Or how about wise guy Socrates, but he's not a "wise guy"! He didn't whack anybody. So there is no time like the present to present you with a present of knowledge which doesn't mean there's no ledge outside your window. And even if you live in a desert, you don't want to desert before I get to the best part... the dessert. Which of course is wine🍷, not whine, otherwise I would be a witch and your whine would cause a wound that no bandage could be wound around. 🙉Phew! Few, if any languages are this hard as far as I know, since no other language is now currently spoken in my household. The problem is further compounded in my compound by oxymoronic compound words that takes us farther from reality no matter what father said... and if this was Britain I'd give you a farthing for your thoughts. Confucius say English causes confusion. Why is there no egg in eggplant? No ham in hamburger? In fact there is no pine or apple in pineapple! Talk about paradoxes... quicksand is slow, boxing rings are square, you drive on parkway, and park on driveways. Huh? If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught? Writers write, so hammers ham? Add a goose to the party you get geese, add a moose you get meese? What if you take care of all your odds and ends except one, what do you have left to do? Vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? How come your nose runs and your feet smell? What's the difference between a slim chance and a fat chance? Ok, enough whining about English, and time to set down to a breakfast of English muffins that don't  come from England, or maybe French fries that don't come from France and uncork some wine that doesn't have the aroma of thyme. Well the good news is that even though the Brits and Americans got off to a rocky start, today marks the anniversary of Andy "by God" Jackson's victory over the British army that had just defeated Napoleon and saved "NOLA" (Americans also like acronyms...MAGA). And much like the Saints did to QB Newton,  sent commanding General Pakenham back to England pickled in a rum keg. Wine was shared by the victors, and the British didn't invade again until the 1960s. But no worries... no blood was spilled (spilt?), just a lot of bad haircuts ensued and some pretty good music as well. So lets crack open a bottle of wine that is much better for you than crack and celebrate the birth of a great British performer, David Bowie, like the knife not a buoy, and rock and roller, not the berth of a ship. He gave us great music and odd fashion even for space.😉 When he sang "we can be heroes..." what kind of sandwich do you think he meant? 🤔Anyway, it's also the birthday of the King of Rock -n- Roll, Elvis! And for that, time to break out the good stuff, put the brake on other things, and take a break to recognize how groundbreaking the King was. He taught Forrest how to dance, the meaning of 1,2, and 3, and the importance of not stepping on anyone's blue suede shoes. And since I didn't win the lottery this weekend (when will I ever win?), time to go where I can stop whining and get some winnings, and wine🍾🎲🎰💲...where
there's black jack and poker and the roulette wheel
A fortune won and lost on ev'ry deal
All you need's a strong heart and a nerve of steel
Viva Las Vegas, viva Las Vegas

New Year's Resolutions

Resolve to drink more wine in 2018, Antoinette!

Well if you woke up today above ground then it's a happy New Year! I hope yours started off with a bang!😉💣🍾🎉💖 And I hope that if any of you are in pain from 2017... it's champagne! If so, time to send coffee to the bench... Bloody Mary, you're in the game, wine... you're on deck. Now it's time to give thanks for what has been good, and resolve to do better in the future.  I know many of you are surprised to still be here... those of you who didn't move to Canada or France that is. But amazingly the stock market didn't crash(⬆️5000pts), the rescinding of the age old government policy of net neutrality (est. 2015) hasn't caused Twitter any tweeters, Lil Kim Chee still hasn't started WWIII, and if the ice caps are melting, then tell the polar bears to move here to D.C. cuz baby it's cold outside. ☃️ As far as I know, no statue or non pc word has killed anyone, and finally, for all those upset about having to pay less tax, I have some advice for how to spend the money and give back to those in need...bookies. Just wager on the Washington area pro teams during the regular season... they are usually a good bet (with the exception of the Redskins... I'm sure that's just bad karma), then just when you think you have it figured out you'll lose it back in the postseason. Just make sure you save enough to buy wine to console your spirits cuz you'll have to "wait until next year" for a championship! Besides, if you drink wine then you'll know things and the world could certainly use a little more knowledge. Let's resolve to get smarter in the new year and lets resolve to stop the hysterical scare tactics and clucking Chicken Little (read msm) that the sky is falling. I would also like to resolve to send "pc" to the basement. It's getting so I can't walk down the street and wolf whistle at a pretty girl🙈 or tell Polack jokes.🙊 At this rate, who are going to be the 3 guys walking into a bar? 🤔Stereotypes are funny, and as long as you're democratically offensive I see no problem. 🙉😁
Racism is bad, but everything isn't racist. Saying Merry Christmas isn't, jingle bells isn't, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer isn't, farmer's markets aren't, etc, etc, etc. We ought to be harping on the amount of systemic stupidity. That will be our downfall. But I resolve to not let that happen and the way to do so in 2018 is to drink more wine. It might be white or it might be red, but either way might makes right as long as you make it a bottle of wine. There's been a lot of ranting about being on the "right" side of history... no doubt important, but where does that leave the left?  😉 Well if they are left with lots of great wine then they are on the right side of history... see how circular arguing works.... everyone wins when wine is on your team, or in other words...Always choose the right way, and the right way is the wine way, otherwise you'll be left.... holding a bag full of whine. Nobody likes whine, everybody likes wine! More often than not it's a good idea to put politics aside and replace it with a bottle of amity, wine. That's the way to peace and harmony. Time to be like Elvis! No, not the King, Abbott's friend...
and as I walk through This wicked world
Searchin' for light in the darkness of insanity
I ask myself
Is all hope lost?
Is there only pain and hatred, and misery?

And each time I feel like this inside
There's one thing I wanna know:
What's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding? 

Happy New Year