The Fountain of Youth

How old would you be, if you didn't know how old you are, Antoinette?

Escapism is becoming work these days. There was a time when evenings and weekends offered up all kinds of delightfully, diverting and delicious dilletantish delusions designed to distract from the deleterious, dehumanizing, demoralizing and degrading world of 9-5... but dat was den, dis is da new. Deplorable! We used to be able to come home, snuggle up with that special armchair, remote, bag of chips, beverage of choice and escape into the NFL... but Not For Long. Now it seems half the talk is about legal issues, and the other half is about protests. That's not escapism...that's a lecture and a sermon. Put the game on! Well at least there's always the movies and Hollywood. Oh wait... no there isn't, because now we have to suffer through the G.E.D.'ers from that cesspool of humanity who want to use their platforms to piously politick and pontificate on all things PC, even though they can prevaricate better than D.C. politicians, while pretending their pretensions aren't really just puerile placations to the peeps masking their prurient and predatory behavior, phew! Well I'm here to save the day... you might think you hear Nero fiddling in the background, as Sodom and Gomorrah go up in flames(you know which cities I'm talking about) 🔥, but I have the perfect antidote to all your first world problems... wine! The magical elixir and panacea guaranteed to deafen you to the whine, live longer, look younger, and for you women... make you more fertile than a Kansas cornfield. 🌽That's right...according to the omniscient internet and the University of St Louis, drinking red wine will increase the reserve of viable eggs and quite likely leave you a lil sumpin, sumpin in 9 months. Choose wisely ladies. If you don't want that unforgettable night to be lastingly unforgettable, drink white wine or better yet crush a couple tall boy PBRs... the belching will likely preserve your chastity. 🍻 More good news... according to studies at Brighton and Exeter universities, the magic ingredient in red wine that improves your longevity, general health, and brat probability (I'm not talking about the sausage... Well actually😉) ... also (along with chocolate) makes you look younger. That news should lessen the whine. Don't mail that $19.99 in to some bogus tv commercial hawking some new snake oil, head to your local one stop wine and chocolate store and spend your $19.99 on a bottle of Zin and a Snickers. You'll look younger, feel younger and the only side effect is you might create a youngin'! But  don't worry... when they grow up people will think you're siblings cuz you look so young... how's that for escapism? Remember folks, when you escape to the basement, it should be to watch the big game or a movie classic, not to escape the work world or the likelihood of getting punched in the face for "bravely" saying something stupid behind your internet wall of security. The basement is not for anyone's whine, it's a cellar... it's where you should keep your wine! Paradise! I'm gonna take you on a trip so far from here, I've got two tickets in my pocket, now baby, we're gonna disappear...I've got two tickets to paradise, Won't you pack your bags, we'll leave tonight...