Hammertime

What's a good rhyme for Nantucket Antoinette? 

Well boys, girls and the confused,♀️♂️❓  you might be feeling a little tired today. 😴Yawn!! Of course we love the return of DST and the extra hour of sunshine and heat🌞...when it finally gets here that is...but there is a period of adjustment for many from losing that hour of beauty rest.👹 Not to worry though because some things are in your favor this week. First of all today is National Napping Day so go ahead and lay your head down for a quickie. Just make sure to wipe up the drool. 🤤Then of course 5:00 gets here earlier as far as your drinking bio-rhythms know, so reward your liver and kidneys with something good.🍸 And more importantly today is also National Worship of Tools Day. 🛠Though some of you may be asking "what if I only have one tool?"🔨 If that's the case remember, it's still very important to worship and take care of your tool even if you're singular. After all, you don't want that thing to get rusty. Just keep it oiled up and you should be fine. Now some of you are probably saying "...but I don't even have a tool," which in that case it's important to do one of two things. First, be prepared in case you do get a tool to have a well oiled place to put it🙈...commonly referred to as a toolbox.🧰 Second, it's important to know where to get tools when you need them... just remember to get the appropriate tool! Every tool has a place, and there's a place for every tool. Some tools you can get at the Home Depot or Ace Hardware depending on your needs. Just look for the appropriate aisle. Or perhaps you can just head over to Ace's place🏡... I'm sure he'll be glad to see you. Apparently, he's helpful and friendly and he has the hardware🔩... just remember not too much torque. Sometimes tools aren't a good thing so you have to be careful how you use them. For instance, if you elect a tool to office you're gonna be stuck with them for at least 2, 4, 6 years and more if you're not careful.🤡 The important lesson here is to choose and use your tool wisely and make sure you have the appropriate toolbox to fit your needs🙊. And as for the other tools out there, let'em rust away from disuse. It's also important to remember to "Beware the Ides of March" on the 15th. A classic day when debts are due, and when you don't make good...oh well just ask Caesar🗡... his friends turned out to be tools. And finally we get the day when the whole world turns Irish for a day.🇨🇮 

A day when you get a free pass from your lenten obligations and the only tool you'll need is a pint glass for your Guinness Stout and a shot glass for your Irish whiskey of choice. 🍺Actually, if you stay upright, and drink gives you the gift of the Blarney Stone, you might be able to put your tool to good use🙉... just remember, "no means no" yeah #metoo. And speaking of tools, I'll even give you some original limericks to help you ply your way kind of like I'm the MC and it's Hammertime cuz you know U Can't Touch This...

Every time you see me that Hammer's just so hype

I'm dope on the floor and I'm magic on the mic
Now why would I ever stop doing this
With others makin' records that just don't hit
I toured around the world from London to the bank
It's Hammer go Hammer
It's a Hammer yo Hammer and the rest go and play 

Can't touch this!

                       Original Limericks

There once was a gay fellow named Smollett

Who wanted to increase the size of his wallet      

So he hired two Nigerian Trumpsters                        

To MAGA and beat him by the dumpsters  

And now his next starring role will be in Joliet

A female Jack ass is a Jenny     

Just as stubborn and stupid and unfriendly                

But now that the A.O.C.                                                    

Is the new face of the Democratic Donkey           

Maybe "Jenny"  is actually complementary

Some say on the border there's a calamity       

What to do is the source of no unanimity  

If illegals are blocked by  a wall                                  

How will the Blues win the election come fall           

And tax all the money from our rising prosperity

There once was a lady from Massachusetts  

Whose blonde hair and blue eyes were a nuisance    

So she doctored her CV.                                                   

To say she was part Cherokee                                      

And now wants to be Chief of our institutions

There once was a Roman Emporer

Who angered the Senate as a temperer

But Brutus wanted wine

So the senate stood in line

And committed a slight little misdemeanor

Once again it's time for March madness

But my picks usually end in great sadness

So this year I'll wine

On all the varietals of the vine

And relish in my own sense of badness 

There once was a lad from nantucket

Who passed out drinking wine from a bucket

His shillelagh was uncovered

When he awoke and he wondered

Me too? Or did I forget that I got lucket