The Dog Days of Summer

If the heat makes you whine then you know it's time to wine Antoinette.

Well people we are now in the midst of the Dog Days of Summer, and I think you know what that means. For those of us north of the equator it means global warming🔥 has been going on annually since at least Egyptian times. It also means we are smack dab in the middle of the heliacal rising of the dog star Sirius☄which signals  the coming of heat, drought, thunderstorms, lethargy, fever, mad dogs, short tempers and a time when according to Greek legend..."women are at their foulest and men are weak in head and knee." Wait, it gets worse. The Romans thought the Dog Days were so bad that they advised men to "abstain all this time from women"🙉 because it's a time when "the Sea boiled, the Wine turned sour, Dogs grew mad...burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies[frenzies]". Now that's hot! If you don't believe me just ask Robin Williams how hot it is, "It's hot. Damn hot! Real hot! Hottest things is my shorts. I could cook things in it🍳. A little crotch pot cooking."🙈  Well we certainly can't have this. Abstinence from sour wine and foul women might sound reasonable, but abstinence from wine and women should never be the answer to a question🙊... the closest thing might be, "not now, we're landing." 🛬Cheers!🥂 Otherwise, what would be the point. Well the good news is I have the solution... chilled wine and lots of it! 🍷Of course this might be considered what psychologists call motivated reasoning. Which can be a bad thing. No doubt it's what fuels the latest "ism", radical infantilism😭, where self perceived victims need protection from every imagined threat, statue🗿, name, long dead historical figure, joke, tweet, bogeyman, etc and respond in hysterical hyperbolic fashion...I guess it's the dog days of summer year round for these types. The difference between their “motivated reasoning" and mine is theirs is to convince themselves or remain convinced of what they want to believe by seeking out agreeable information while avoiding, ignoring, devalueing, forgetting, arguing  and crying about information that contradicts their beliefs. In other words they want to live their life in an echo chamber. Now that's no way to live. My motivated reasoning is the opposite...it's about unity and togetherness... especially in a heat wave when tempers flare and life gets sticky. Let's get some kumbaya up in here and bring people and wine together.👫 Nobody fights when their pinky is extended🤙, and wine drinkers always use their inside voice.  Remember, we have a couple distinct advantages over the Egyptians, Greeks and Romans... refrigeration and air conditioning! Booya! Chill the wine, chill your mood and act chill in front of your lady friend by opening a bottle of Dom Perignon '53... and remember,  "there are some things that just aren't done, such as drinking Dom Perignon '53 above the temperature of 38 degrees Fahrenheit."🍾 Keep the summer heat between the sheets🛏, find someplace cool to relax🏖, and have plenty of properly stored and chilled wine to ride out the Dog Days...(do you think if dogs had opposable thumbs they'd tweet about the racism inherent in "Dog Days"🐶? How did cats get off the hook? Did that sound catty? 🐺Oh!)  Time to lessen the rancor.  All you have to do is uncork the vino, gather up the Gang, and stay Kool because otherwise...
Oh it's too hot (too hot)
Too hot, lady (too hot)
Gotta run for shelter
Gotta run for shade
It's too hot (too hot)
Too hot, lady (too hot)
Gotta cool this anger
From this mess that we've made