Game of High Chairs

Greetings and Salutations Antoinette,

America, it's time we built a wall! Yeah I said it! I went there! We need to halt the Vulgarians at the gate. We need to raise the level of discourse, stop the rancor, and consider our words with care. Enough with bumper sticker intellectuals and twitter rants. America needs civility...America needs more wine drinking! When is the last time you saw two people drinking chardonnay raise their voice? Never. Everyone knows you can't fight holding a glass with your finger extended, and you can't yell when you're letting that vintage cabernet roll around your tongue. We have a huuuuge problem with crass language, childish behaviour, lockeroom talk, dragon ladies and playground taunts. Instead of washing out the mouths of the guilty with soap, try wine! It will bring dignity to this vulgar brawl, add much needed sophistication and remedy all of the cackling. To use the classic utensil analogy, and pardon my use of the "F" bomb, we have a big "FORKING" problem. Forks poke and stick things, and when you get them together with knives...look out! More gory than an episode of Game of Thrones. Don't argue...this is what I do. I drink wine, I know things! The solution is in the next tray over....America needs more spooning! Not only is it a great way to sleep, but in an emergency you can drink wine with a spoon, no forking way with a fork. A spoon also knows how to use a knife....to extract the broken cork from the bottle so we can drink more wine. Don't be a Fork, be a spoon! Nestle together and live in harmony. And if you must use a four letter word, use Wine. It will settle arguments peacefully, add sophistication to your banter and if that doesn't work, eventually cause you to pass out and hopefully sleep for the next 4 years!

Respectfully and rancorlessly yours!