Christmas is coming Antoinette,
Dear Lord baby Jesus, we are halfway through advent and it's time to get serious about what gifts you need for this upcoming birthday party. So whether or not you prefer to think of Jesus "...as 8 pounds 6 ounces, newborn infant Jesus, don't even know a word yet" like Ricky Bobby, it's probably best you think of him like Cal Naughton does, who likes to picture "Jesus in a tuxedo tshirt, 'cause it says, like, 'I wanna be formal, but I'm here to party too.' I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party!" Thinking like this gives you much better options in gifts. Babies are cute and all, but adults can drink wine, and we know the grown up Jesus knew the importance of wine and how to keep a party going when he transformed water into a glorious Petit Sirah (durif in Israel) when the wine ran out at the wedding at Cana for his first miracle! In addition, wine wraps easily. Just stick in a stocking if you are cheap and only bringing one bottle, or be a big hit and bring a case. Even guys can wrap a symmetrical rectangle. What you don't want to be is the three wise men. As a guy who waits until Christmas Eve to shop, I can identify with last minute gift ideas, but be wiser than the Magi, don't stop off at Yankee Candle like Balthazar and Gaspar for candles and incense (frankincense and myrrh), you're not shopping for GiGi. You can even do better than Uncle Melchior and the gift card (gold) he picks up at the supermarket on the way. Celebrate the birth of baby Jesus in style and be the hit of the party, bring wine...and plenty of it! It's way better than socks and will never be regifted! The girlfriend can keep her hair, the boyfriend can keep granddad's watch and O'Henry can write about something else. If you want to walk on water, drink wine. Only two shopping weeks left!
Amen!
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