Strictly by the numbers Antoinette,
Well America, it's Boxing Day, which means your true love has 12 days to make up for that ridiculous sweater you got yesterday. Need an Epiphany? (Google that) I have 12 for you that are cheaper than 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, etc, etc. Combined cost of those gifts is about $36,000, or $3000/day. For half that amount spent on WINE, we can erase the $19 trillion national debt, give 30% to the merchants and stock our wine cellar/liver for the next 4 years. Fuuuggghetttaboutit! I did the math..."carry the 1, ok I got it"...if everyone spends $1500/day for the 12 days from Boxer Day to the Epiphany over the next 4 years, you'll save money, the debt will be gone, merchants will make 30%, we will be a nation of deliciously inebriated Winos, and your true love won't have to pay the cover charge to see 9 ladies dancing! What are you going to do with 10 Leaping Lords anyway? And not even Tom Brady has 5 golden rings, UGG! Make America Great, Solvent and Vinified is my slogan. Trade in those 8 milking maids for cases of Barolo! And 6 geese laying what? How about goose pâtè instead? And what's with the 4 birds, and 3 French Hens and 2 turtle doves and a partridge? What a cacophony. Sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock movie. Hello? Cabernet, Champagne, Petit Verdot! We don't need 7 swans, just a swan song for the debt. Don't bother fact checking, I already did it. I have the numbers that will make even Bernie Sanders Economics add up.* America will be handing out free doctorates more readily than participation trophies. Reagans' economics only trickled down. My numbers will pour down like sweat off a Sumo Wrestler in the Sahara! Or better yet, champagne on New Year's Eve! Make America solvent, more freely educated, and Vinified! Winner, Winner chicken dinner!...that must be the 13th day!
Happy New Year
*not fake news as verified by Facebook
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