I make wine disappear, what's your superpower Antoinette?
Well America now that we've survived the travel, Thanksgiving Day tensions, tryptophan laden Turkey, Black Friday, rivalry Saturday, and a Sunday when you start thinking about what you can wear that fits the extra ten pounds, it's time to start thinking about how to make this world a better place. And just like it helped you get through the holiday, Wine will help you make the world better so let's uncork and get to it! 🍾Some things are easy fixes like remembering the adage for this time of year, "Fall Back", where you adjust the scales 10lbs lighter. You're welcome!🤜🤛 Other things require a little effort, but are worth it such as the gentle reminder for later in the week when it's National Package Protection Day. However, and guys back me up on this one, you should protect your package everyday whether it's wrapped are not! 🙊 Remember, packages come in all shapes and sizes, so your level of protection will vary but a little insurance is always advisable.🙈 Don't be careless...or as we say in the package protection world...don't get Bobbited!🙉 I think I just put a bowtie on that issue!🎁 Now some other issues are more problematic. Mainly because they seem to be manufactured grievances and issues in search of a problem. For instance, I think it's only fair that if we're going to protect packages, then the least we can do is allow "lady parts" to have a monologue. 🤷♀️I mean how else are we going to know what they're thinking?🤔 But apparently some incredibly woke individuals at Eastern Michigan and other Universities decided that the long running and popular play, "Lady Parts Talking About Themselves By Themselves" should be cancelled due to lack of diversity and inclusion because not all women have Lady Parts, Huh?🙅♀️ A point that I believe Hugh Hefner would argue if he could. Apparently it doesn't recognize the "...diverse representations of women" which could include men who think like women🧚♂️. Hmm! Well discounting the man purse, man bun and the Real Housewives of MSNBC and CNN "male" types, this of course begs the question of AYFKM? Of course Feminists who actually studied biology are incensed that they are now relegated to that most hated of all groups...the establishment. XX/XY And those who apparently weren't required to pass science in order to get into college are the new inmates running the asylum. In its place American University and Mount Holyoke have decided to produce a new play called "Breaking Ground Monologues" ...to be all inclusive unless you're so neanderthal and a nonscience denier who thinks there are only 2 sexes. I think this train needs to derail🚅. Things don't need to be relatable to all people and aren't exclusionary if they don't. Every commercial, show, campaign, e.t.c doesn't need to be the United Colors of Benetton...#metoo. The same goes for wine🍷...all for one and one for all is great if you're a Musketeer🤺, but would be worse than a 24/7 Justin Bieber concert if everyone had to drink only 1 wine all the time🙈🙉🙊. I wonder if the cultural appropriationists are "woke" to this yet? Universities should be for serious academic inquiry, college football and toga parties🍻, not "creationists" political science breeding grounds for alternate fabricated universes and safe spaces. Speaking of which, Trinity University in England has decided that Profs should no longer use the words do and don't, nor should they write in CAPITAL LETTERS! Apparently this causes anxiety! The university also urges professors to be "explicit about any inexplicitness." 😟 You can't make this stuff up! Another university, Manchester, in an effort to alleviate the global problem of snowflake anxiety says no more clapping or cheering because of what it does to those with anxiety or sensory issues. Instead they should just use "air claps" and smiles to show approval, SMH. Now while I'm aware of the problems associated with the "clap"🙊,... no cheering?🙉 What do you do after a rousing lecture on the 6 and counting genders? Maybe it's time we thinned the herd a little bit? What? I can't say things like that? Ok, well then the solution to these and pretty much every problem is to follow my lead...do what I do...say what I say...and head to the only safe space necessary...the wine cellar! Then pour yourself a large glass of STHU! It's the first step to salvation, the path to righteousness, and the universally recognized key to self actualization. Trust me...I drink wine, I know things. Then venture out of the basement snowflakes, and listen to your Uncle Kracker who knows to Follow Me...
You don't know how you met me
You don't know why
You can't turn around
And say goodbye
All you know is when I'm with you
I make you free
And swim through your veins
Like a fish in the sea
I'm singin'
Follow me
Everything is all right
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me
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