The Doctor is in...

Remember drinking wine is a marathon, not a sprint Antoinette.

The doctor is in...Now in all honesty I don't actually have a medical degree👨‍⚕️, nor have I played one on TV, but I'm pretty sure I've played doctor before 😉 🙈and I've definitely slept in a Holiday Inn Express which is pretty much the equivalent. So while I don't have time to make house calls, I do have the time to give what I'm sure is much sought after and important advice🙉, make accurate diagnoses, and most importantly prescribe the appropriate remedy🥂. So please just take a seat in the waiting room and I'll be with you in turn🏪. First off let's take care of our foreign patients who are suffering from a très grave maladie...zee French🗼! It seems they are suffering from a bout of "yellow fever", which in this case has nothing to do with their fighting spirit🏳🙊. There seems to be a disconnect between Macron and the elite and Jean Q. Publique over taxes, 1%ers, and the Paris Climate Accords😷...well one thing is certain, Climate Change is real in the City of Light...things are heating up 🔥faster than a Harvey Weinstein couch interview... yeah #metoo! Time for cooler tetes to prevail, so my prescription is a fresh start, and what's fresher than a new Beaujolais🍷, except maybe a Frenchman! Drink up frogs 🐸so we'll always have Paris! Next up! Ah PETA and vegans🥕. It seems a group of the easily and ridiculously offended are worried about the impact of commonplace idioms in the English language that if not replaced will undoubtedly lead to millions of deaths, increased global warming, an epidemic of youth violence towards the earth's creature's and unhealthy relationships between people and animals. Metaphors like, bring home the bacon🥓, kill 2 birds 🐥🐦with one stone and the inciteful, put all your eggs 🐣in one basket! Now while this may seem like a real problem to those whose basket is missing a few soy based brain particles, the fact is it's not. Rather it's a symptom of what we doctors refer to as YOYFM(you're outta your...), and the only solution is a dose of reality...a 1.5L bottle of Rosenblum Stark Raving [mad] Red🍷... that should cure you... oh, and a bbq pork sandwich🌭. Who's next? Ah Christmas show haters🎅. The diagnosis for those who actually have to seek out things to take offense is complicated, because irrational behavior for those afflicted with victimization hypochondria don't respond well to common sense, nor surprisingly even to a smack upside the head👊. So even though Rudolph, that red nosed reindeer🦌, is a lesson about bullying, the Christmas spirit, teamwork e.t.c, and all is resolved with a classic happy ending...the Grinches and Scrooges and chief global warmer, Puffington Host among others are deriding the classic family show for perceived injustices. Now of course, Santa 🎅is the man, but he's not The Man👹, that people should "fight". That's big brother, big government and big blow hard fake news outlets. Now of course a 4 year old could explain the show, but they aren't qualified to write the prescription...those afflicted need to take this Rx double fisted...in one hand a big cup of STHU, and in the other hand a glass of intelligence you find in a super Tuscan. A blend of enjoyment and tranquility and hopefully a soupcon of common sense. Ok who's left. Ah, the socialist congresswoman elect who thinks she ran for student government👩‍🎓. What seems to be the problem Alexandria "the original" O-C? Hmm, the president's son shared a meme joking about your undeveloped brains incapacity to understand the failures of socialism and it hurt your feelings so you threatened him with the power that you will gain once you're confirmed in Congress which is a violation of house ethics. Well...detention, a note home, and no social media for a month ordinarily would do the trick, but I think a stronger remedy is necessary. And even though you're just a freshman, presumably you're of legal age and an adult, so you need an adult's only prescription to cure you and keep you from being more useless than the "T" in Pinot! In fact that's what the doctor orders. A never expiring amount of Pinot Noir, the intelligent wine, so that eventually, hopefully, wistfully, prayerfully you'll one day be like the Doctor who drinks wine and knows things because! Then maybe take a trip to Venezuela🇻🇪 for a refresher. Phew! What a day... time to stay current on the newest medicines, it's 5:00 somewhere...maybe I'll even try what the A-O-C drinks in her home town with her Beastie Boys... Brass Monkey 

... that funky Monkey
Brass Monkey junkie
That funky Monkey

Brass, got this dance that's more than real
Drink Brass Monkey here's how you feel
Put your left leg down your right leg up
Tilt your head back let's finish the cup
M.C.A. With the bottle (D. Rocks the can)
Adrock gets nice with Charlie Chan
We're offered Moet (we don't mind Chivas)
Wherever we go with bring the Monkey with us
Adrock drinks three (Mike D. Is D.)
Double R. Foots the bill most definitely
I drink Brass Monkey and I rock well...