If you give a man a bottle of wine he drinks for a day, if you give him a case he might share Antoinette.
Well boys and girls you know what time it is...it's time to start thinking about what Christmas gifts🎁 you can get for those sometimes hard to shop for people on your list which of course means adults. So no Red Ryder BB guns🔫 and Doll Houses🏡 here. (I wonder how many people that triggered, 🤔😉) So whether you draw names to buy gifts among friends and family, are attending a White Elephant Party🐘, involved in a secret Santa exchange🎅🤶, sucking up to someone, or actually care about the recipient...buying the right gift can be difficult, so I'm here to help MCGA with the gifts that keep on giving🎁. Let's start with drawing names for friends and family...the secret here is to draw a Male giftee👨...so the first piece of advice is to cheat, bribe, e.t.c to make sure of this...all in the Christmas spirit of course. The reason being is guys are easy, easily satisfied, easily impressed, and easily humored. Since the adage more is better usually applies, I suggest something that overdelivers for the price. For instance the all in one shampoo🛀, that washes, conditions, rinses, shines shoes, removes stains, acts as an aftershave, works as a synthetic replacement for 5w30 oil and comes in a jerri-can. If he happens to be stocked up though I'd go with a super Tuscan🍷...it combines the best of several grapes and is a panacea for all the world's known problems.🍷You probably want to go right to this if the recipient is XX! And if they're XXX you're on your own🙈! Now for the White Elephant affair the trick is actually to bring a gift that you wouldn't mind keeping in case it works it's way back to you...for instance, The Planetary Joke Book that wonders with Pluto gone, what if Neptune disappeared? Then all Planetary jokes would end with Uranus! Get it? Man I crack myself up🙉. But if that's what you did last year, then I suggest a nice whimsical little Sancerre from the left bank of the Loire in case you're at a party where everyone drinks red. Now gift buying for the Office Secret Santa Affair depends entirely on whether you want to...hmm, how should I say this...settle down for a long winter's nap with the giftee😉...or would prefer not to repeat last year's hashtag...yeah #metoo🙊! If it's the former I recommend a prenuptial and a can of whipped cream! If it's the latter I suggest something sensible like a Napa Cab and to stay away from the mistletoe💋. Now when it comes to sucking up (is that even possible? )... of course the traditional always works...money💵, diamonds💎, lingerie👙, boats🛥, exotic trips🏖, and bacon🥓! But if you've already run through those suck ups, I'd suggest something exquisite...a bottle of Chateau Margaux🍷! And just to be safe...bring the bacon🥓! And finally, if you're buying a gift for someone you actually care about, the suck up gifts are nice, whipped cream can work depending...you work that part out...and humor is always welcome so keep "Uranus" on the back burner🌠. But if you really want to wow that special someone with a little something so maybe you'll get a lil sumpin sumpin, then I suggest something with bubbles... let's go with a bottle of 1998 Piper Heidsieck Prestige Cuvee🍾. It pairs well with bacon🥓, and makin' bacon💥! And don't worry, none of these will ever be regifted. Remember, it's better to give than receive so time to be like RHCP and Give it Away...
Give it away give it away give it away now
Give it away give it away give it away now
Give it away give it away give it away now
Lucky me swimmin' in my ability
Dancin' down on life with agility
Come and drink it up from my fertility
Blessed with a bucket of lucky mobility
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