Remember the Alamo(s)

Ironically, life is full of irony Antoinette, 

Many Americans believe Fake News and alternative facts are a new phenomenon. In truth though, our history is littered with falsehoods and irony. As a nation of equal parts puritan and prurient, teetotaler and tipler we might seem to be a little schizophrenic, but actually we obfuscate to protect the innocent. "Listen my children and you shall hear of the midnight ride of Paul Revere..." Longfellow the poet, not the porn star, educated generations of Americans about the start of the Revolution and why we commemorate Patriot Day today. (I don't want to deflate you Tom, but this is about 'merica, ugg!) But the truth is Revere was heading to a dinner party in Lexington with Hancock, the lawyer not the porn star, and Sam Adams, the beer maker not the beer. However, the menu hadn't been set and Paul was bringing the wine. Of course we know the rule, red meat-red wine, white meat white wine...so they'd signal from the North Church...Red if by land, white if by sea. (It was done covertly because they didn't want the limeys crashing the party and confiscating their wine) Twas not to be though. Angry at not being invited, and with the party still going strong, the British party crashers ubered to Lexington where things got out of hand. With tension high, and memory of the last party that got out of hand in Boston Harbor fresh on everyone's mind, it was the wrong moment to open another bottle of bubbly.  "The cork heard round the world" set off the melee that led to the good ol US of A and the original Brexit. But the colonists knew we had to protect the children from the effects of alcohol so some alternative facts got into the official record. It became one if by land..., the shot heard round the world.., and Boston puritans blamed Long Islanders from New York for spiking the ice tea at the famous '73 rave. Wine is essential for parties and for nation states. Just ask the Texans who celebrate their independence and rallying cry this week with the defeat of that non Malbec drinking dictator Santa Ana at the Battle of San Jacinto. Then go on to annex the United States ten years later. A truth later distorted by alternative facts and media bias. But not to worry, we aren't greedy, we left the Brits Alanis and Canada but...it's a black fly in your chardonnay. It's a death row pardon 2 minutes too late. And isn't it ironic...don't you think.