Non Compos Mentis

The news will make you insane... better drink up Antoinette.

Ok, America there is news you can use, news you can abuse, news that will leave you confused and news that makes you wish you were talking about gnu[s] (I know... homonym jokes are low forms of humor...but try telling that to Uranus) The good news is all news goes with wine. Time to uncork a bottle of good news... I have a feeling you're gonna need it. Let's start with news we can use for $200 Alex. After 25 years of studying and millions of dollars in federal research grants, Dr Slobidchikoff has determined that prairie dogs have a sophisticated communication system not unlike human teenagers. Their grunts and barks to each other actually describe intruders, and go so far as to bully those that don't measure up. First (and last) reported by Steve Messenger from treehugger.com, the good doctor noted that P. Dogs described intruders to each other... for instance "here comes a coyote", or "look at the fat guy with a 'save the whales' pink t-shirt. Doesn't he know pink clashes with his orange camo shorts?" (I know... don't shoot the messenger 😉, but I have to wonder if there isn't something more important the Dr could be researching like why do birds sing?) Same category $400 please... according to Travel and Leisure, and Food and Wine magazines, the Queen of England has 4 drinks a day. She alternates between gin, wine and champagne. Forget about the 7 Steps of Highly Effective People... just drink martinis and wine and be like the queen. She might not rule an empire anymore, but she has a commonwealth, a few billion in cash, gets more print than Russian collusion and fake news stories combined, has a cool accent, and she's 91! Tis good to be queen. News you can abuse for $800 please Alex. According to researchers at the University of Exeter, students remember information learned right before heavy drinking better than students who studied and didn't drink at all. The theory is that the alcohol blocks new memories so it consolidates older info into longterm memory in the hippocampus. So I know hippo comes from Latin for horse, and campus is like a college... so hippocampus must be like a riding school? Better go chug some Wine, I don't want to forget this. Confused for a $1000. On this day in 1944 non wine drinking fascist, Adolph Hitler, stopped production on HIS Volkswagen Beetle to focus on tanks. I'm confused... aren't the people most likely to be driving a VW the one's going around calling everyone a fascist and comparing the people they don't like to Hitler while hiding in the safety of their basement and firing blanks behind their internet firewall? Shouldn't they be taking the bus anyway? 🤔. African antelope for $600. At Princeton University, students can now choose ONE or MORE from SIX genders including OTHER. Is passing biology no longer a requirement to getting into an Ivy League school? I knew those kids studied too hard in high school. Parents, make your kids play beer pong and flip cup after study hall so they can remember science before political jumped in front. I think it's time for my daily double Alex, 
A bottle of red, a bottle of white
Whatever kind of mood you're in tonight...
I feel like eating in our Italian restaurant.