Without Columbus where would the District be?

If Columbus set sail for Pakistan instead of India the Yankees would be playing the Cleveland Pakistani's now Antoinette!

In 14 hundred and 92, 
Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
He had three ships and left from Spain; 
looking for new places to share his name. 

Go west young man, it's the place you ought to be, 
So he loaded up Nina, Pinta and the Santa Mari[e]
He sailed west off the map, mate...Here there be monsters, 
Antifa, pc'ers and Hollywood mobsters

But his bravery was known, his courage resolute
He'd blaze new trails to dispense all his loot 
He had a hold full of goods to sell on his day
So why travel to India with America on the way.

Bringing beads, blankets and disease and new names for the indigenous
He returned with tomatoes, potatoes and syphillis
Chris became famous for all the deals he'd arrange, 
Discounted so much they became the Columbian Exchange. 

But the best deal of all, the one we owe plenty
Was the bringing of wine to each one out of many
E pluribus unum,  from out of many one
Works well with America, and a cab sauvignon 

He discovered a new world from which to experiment
Making people happy with just one ingredient. 
Republic and Democracy and individual rights 
Words worth toasting with the perfect sparkling white. 

America's the greatest country, we all know that's true, 
But we're still a work in progress with things left to do. 
CC found America, and now the world looks to us
Time to uncork the vino, share with all on this bus

There's been too much divisiveness and rancor out there
don't swap spit with a jackass, just share your carmeñere.
Celebrate Columbus for the things he made possible
And any problems we have, this is America, they're solvable. 

He left us the legacy of Latin America 
The samba, the mambo and the caliente Shakira.
North of the border, we have cowboys and Indians
Hip hop and rock, and a thing called millennials

All this is fine if you pair the right wine
Choose this correctly and you'll lessen the whine
Be as generous with your pour as you are with advice, 
Then social media warriors will have done something nice. 

Hey this is America...a dream come true and a work in progress. 

Yeah runnin' down a dream
That never would come to me
Workin' on a mystery, goin' wherever it leads
Runnin' down a dream