Mother's little helper

My daddy was a pistol and I'm a son of a gun Antoinette. 

Well moms...I hope you had a great day yesterday celebrating your 2 events. Mother's Day and National Fruit Cocktail Day, which I can only assume refers to wine🍷. You deserved it...or at least you used too! What? That's right... remember when the ideal mom was June Cleaver? ( you millenials will have to Google that) Always dressed nice, house spotless, dinner ready, kids well behaved and dad's drink, newspaper and pipe waiting for him by his favorite chair when he got home. You know... the good ol days, 😉. Yeah, #metoo. Well Houston, apparently we have a problem. After serious journalistic investigations, CNN online has Blitzered into a serious issue and Wolfed out that modern moms are often behaving badly. How you ask? Well in the old days, moms would cope with the little rugrats, annoying husbands, no pay for equal work, and tragic endings on the soaps by running for the shelter of a mother's little helper and taking that little yellow pill after the kids were in bed to escape the ennui and drudgery of domestic life. Well now apparently, soccer moms have been replaced by Wine Moms and popularized in such movies as "Bad Moms". It's as if they've all collectively shouted, "I'm tired and I'm not gonna take it anymore." The "little yellow pill" has been swapped for a glass of zinfandel reports CNN. So what's the problem? Wine is good, drugs are bad! Well apparently high risk drinking by mommies has risen 83%, and problem drinking has risen 58%. This is defined as drinking to the point that responses to kids are generally "I don't care, do whatever you want", and to the husband, "get your own beer"🍺😯. Now we all know this is no way to raise a family. Everybody knows dads are incapable of answering kids questions that don't have to do with sports, or dating... like, "can I go out with him....No".  That's why God invented the question, "go ask your mother".  If moms are gonna be sauced on wine before dad even gets home who's gonna make dinner? Put the kids to bed? Keep the noise level down so dad can watch the game?🙉  Hmm, CNN must be on to something... maybe they'll actually be relevant again sometime? 🤔 Well anyway, what to do, what to do?  We certainly can't have moms modeling bad behavior in front of children that somehow drinking wine is an acceptable way to deal with life's problems, that's dads job🙈. Moms should be modeling sexy lingerie to dads after drinking wine once the children are in bed🥂👡. I think the solution is obvious... everything in moderation, wine should not be used as a crutch, consumed heavily only when out of sight of children (which is why God invented grandparents and other babysitters), and at home it should only be touted as a way to enhance food. Maybe a little wine will get them to eat their Brussel sprouts... just saying. What? They aren't old enough?🙊 I don't know then, go ask your mother... and ask her to bring me another drink. And moms, if you want the Land of Sugar, put the kids to bed, Daddy will be waiting, 😘. What'd you say? There's gotta be something more..?

...get home 7:30, the house is dirty, but it can wait
Yeah, cause right now I need some downtime
To drink some red wine and celebrate
Armageddon could be knocking at my door
But I ain't gonna answer that's for sure
There's gotta be something more!