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Monday, June 25, 2018

A Midsummer Night's Dream

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know Antoinette.

Well boys and girls the summer solstice has come and gone for all those not living down under🍤♨️. This also means the forced separation of children from their parents will no longer be tolerated...the children have been reunited, MAGA! Of course now parents have to figure out what to do with them. You might want to take a page from the teacher's handbook on how they get through 10 months with your kid...wine and movies🍷🎬 (sometimes known as the 4 word lesson plan, "somebody get the lights"). That screeching of the teacher's tires leaving the parking lot🏍 is not because they're rushing home to write lesson plans for the new year... no they are heading to a 2 month happy hour to wine🥂🍻🍺🍹🍸🍷🍾 and wash away last years whine from enabled kids and helicopter parents.  So mom and dad, stock the wine cellar and start checking the movie listings... I'm sure there is something worth watching... the latest comic book hero remake like Iron Man's Nemesis: Rust; Nightmare on Elm Street: A Deplorable Moved Next Door; More Faster and More Furiouser; Transformer: Caitlyn's Rise... etc. They might not be the classic movies of yesteryear with real movie stars and enduring lines, but Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.  It's time to round up the usual suspects and call the kids in from the yard... just whistle...You know how to whistle, don't you... You just put your lips together and blow. No time to waste, just Slap some bacon on a biscuit and let's go! We're burnin' daylight! And if one of your kids doesn't want to go and talks back🙊, just look at them and say, Travis, you talking to me? And then,You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?🙉. Just make him an offer he can't refuse🙈. I hear what you're saying, "Surely you can't be serious", but I am serious...and don't call me Shirley. Teachers will tell you, you have to be firm with them and it doesn't matter what the movie is about.  My mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get. Just tell them they might be surprised. And the good news is now theaters sell wine. So fill your hands you S.O.B! And if wine isn't enough go ahead and order a martini, shaken not stirred. Who knows...maybe you'll like hanging with your kids so much you'll decide to home school. Afterall Toto, there's no place like home. Just remember in order to home school you have to get the proper certification and badge. What? Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinking badges!  Oops, I think what we've got here is failure to communicate. Stay cool Luke. Hmm, maybe this is why so many parents lobby for year round schooling...it's all about the kids afterall even if they don't want to go back to being locked up and separated in the chicken coop known as school, just ask Alice, he knows the Coop. Er!
No more pencils
No more books
No more teacher's
Dirty looks
Well, we got no class
And we got no principals
We ain't got no intelligence
We can't even think of a word that rhymes
School's out for summer
School's out for ever

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